s.e. smith

The start of a relationship can feel very fluid — you may date several people while you get to know them, and might pick up, stop, shift and start relationships at various points. Sometimes you can find yourself in a situation where you aren’t entirely sure if you’re “officially” dating someone at all, but it sure feels like you might be. As a relationship starts to evolve into something more structured or long-term, you may want to have a deeper conversation about the form you want your relationship to take. For you, that may mean bringing up polyamory — or having your partner bring it up, in which case, this guide is for you too!

(Mostly) everything (okay, okay, not mostly everything, but a lot) you wanted to know about polyamory.

Disabled people are often nervous when they set out into the world of partnered sex. Because it’s such a taboo subject, they may not know where to start, since they’ve rarely heard people affirming the right to sexual autonomy for disabled people, or providing information about how to have safe, fun, loving, saucy, steamy, great sex while disabled.

We all know that consent can be sexy — and also that navigating sexual consent can be tricky. Sometimes, disability makes it more complicated, so it’s important to take some time out to talk about that as you explore the world of dating and sexuality through the disability lens.

Many people with evident physical impairments — like those that require the use of mobility devices — encounter rude questions from nondisabled people on the regular. Those with chronic illnesses and other impairments that might not always be immediately obvious certainly come in for their share as well. Sometimes it feels like we should be selling tickets to the freak show.

If you want to explore various aspects of kink — or whatever you want to call it — there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and it can be fun and one way to build rich, fulfilling relationships.

When we talk about disabled people having awesome sex lives, sometimes something dehumanizing creeps into the mix: Some (usually nondisabled) people profess an “attraction to disability.” What they mean is they find disabled bodies — not disabled people — sexually stimulating. That means seeing your body as a sexual object. If that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up, you’re not alone.

You are who you are and who you are is great! But sometimes a neurodivergent brain needs a little extra care and feeding for healthy relationships.

Nondisabled people sometimes assume masturbation is a snap, but for some of us, it can be more challenging. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

Being disabled doesn’t mean you can’t have a rewarding and awesome sex life.