I want to break up

[wintergreen]

I'm feeling sad/nervous just typing this out tbh.

I really want to break up with my boyfriend. He's done nothing wrong, he's an angel, I just think it's time for me to move on (and we live far apart, and during the relationship I realized I was more interested in girls, and a few other reasons), and he still is pretty into the relationship. I'm afraid that breaking up with him will just come out of the blue. I wouldn't feel so bad about this if we hadn't been good friends for so long. I really don't want to ruin our friendship. I love him so much, I'm just not in love with him, and I'm terrified of hurting him. He thinks we're going to be together for another year, until prom at least, and for a while I figured I'd stay till college, but I think that's unfair to him, to keep him in a lackluster relationship. And I do love him so, so very much but I'm not in love with him anymore.

Does anyone have any advice?

[Heather]

It sounds like you have been thinking about this for a while, but haven't felt able to talk to him about it. And that may be a way to start this whole conversation: to say that you have been thinking about all this for a while, but haven't felt able to talk with him about it, but you need to.

And I would say you do need to. We don't do anyone any favors by staying in a relationship with them we don't want to be in, and/or out of pity or to spare their feelings.

So, how about you think about this as starting the conversation to take some of the pressure here off? One you sound pretty sure will end in you asking to move on and shift your relationship to one that's a platonic friendship, but a conversation al the same.

[wintergreen]

Thank you. I will. This answer really helped me.

[Mo]

Hi wintergreen, your initial post reminded me of an advice column I wrote last year and I think it could be a helpful read as you're thinking about your situation. You can find that here.