Issue With Insertion

[sexpositivity94]

Hi!
My name's Genie.
20 yrs old
Cis, Predominantly Het, Able-Bodied Girl
Lives in NY, USA

Today, I have some questions about my vagina.

These questions require some backstory.

I consider myself to have a pretty (maybe even very) active sex life. However, that sex life has not yet included another person. I masturbate relatively frequently (although the amount fluctuates). I use a combination of hands and vibrators. The problem is that as much as I try, I find it difficult to insert anything into my vagina. This problem was brought to my attention about a year ago, when I brought my first vibrator (1.25 inches wide). I thought that it could just be that my vagina was "virgin territory" (pun intended). I kept trying, to no avail. I researched what the problem could be and any possible solutions. I tried amazing amounts of lube, longer 'foreplay' to get more aroused, different angles, positions, different implements. Nada. Whenever I try to insert anything in there, it feels like it is stopped by something. It feels like something is blocking the hole and making it narrower than it should be. I recently brought a vibrator that 1'' wide, thinking that since it was narrower, it may work, but nope.

This gets even more odd when I realized that I can fit 1 finger (only 1, usually my middle) up there comfortably (more or less). Also, I was/am able to insert the rounded (smooth) end of a thin toothbrush up there (no bristles please). Anything bigger, and it will not work.

I am going to the gynecologist in January and am pretty sure I should/want to bring this issue up. The thing is, this will be my first 'real appointment'. I went to her twice, stayed fully clothed. At the first one she asked me if I was sexually active. Then, I got an ultrasound for an unrelated issue (I have a genetic illness that can affect reproduction, so they wanted to see if all the internal things looked like what they 'should' look like). At my last appt., 2 yrs ago, she told me to come back when I was sexually active, or @ 21y/o. Well, since I am 21 early next year, I am going. I guess I am a little hesitant (which is odd, because, as you may have guessed, I am not shy and pride myself on being very open). I think I have some issues with medical autonomy (I had a lot of health issues since I was born until last year and my Mom always dealt with and took care of everything). I am hesitant because I feel if I bring it up, she might just dismiss it as "Oh, you're still a virgin." Or "Oh, you don't need to worry about that yet" or something like that- not rude or mean, just not taking me seriously. I liked her when I met her before, but we didn't really deal with anything substantial. She is also my mother's GYN, and my mom really likes her, but maybe that is also why I am a little hesitant. My mom and I both have different wants, needs, and expectations (as is natural). I am a little concerned that she may be right for her, but not right for me.

I guess I would feel a little- no, a LOT, more comfortable with talking to her if I knew what that problem may be. If I could articulate myself instead of just saying "stuff won't go in" I will feel more confident asserting myself. So I guess those are my main questions:

What could this problem actually be? What can I do about it/What could be done about it?
How can I be confident getting my questions/concerns across to my OB/GYN?

Thanks so much- this is a long one.

Genie

P.S I am also able to insert slim/regular tampons with plastic applicators (inserting the cardboard ones is much more difficult and uncomfortable, especially without lube, which I had to deal with a few months ago). But the regular plastic ones slide in just fine (I use Kotex U brand). This also confuses me. Some things insert easily, but most things (that should/could be inserted) don't.

[Jacob]

Hi Genie,

I would say the way you have articulated the issue here is really clear and it is your gynaecologist's job to be aware that virginity and smaller vaginal openings don't necessarily correlate at all.

I would say that with these worst case scenarios that she says "Oh, you're still a virgin." Or "Oh, you don't need to worry about that yet"... that isn't the end of the conversation, and you can clarify further that actually you've been in situations relaxed and lubricated where insertion should be much easier than partnered vaginal sex.

I would also add that as a medical professional they are bound by confidentiality and can not legally share any information about you to your mother at risk of ruining their entire career... so what you say really can safely stay between you.

Maybe if you're worried about articulating it well you could print out this post and take it with you. You don't have to show it to her, but reading it in the waiting room could remind you of how you explained it here, in which case you should be completely fine!

[sexpositivity94]

Thank you so much for your response! I truly appreciate it.

You make some good points- I think I will write the issue down and hand it to her, or read it before hand.

Also, I was never worried about her telling my mother. I have complete confidence that that would never happen. I guess my main concern was being taken seriously. Thank you for addressing that issue.

I still have one question: do you (or anyone) have any idea about what could possibly be going on? I feel like I have tried almost everything, and the only conclusion left is that there is some sort of issue. Maybe there is something I'm missing or haven't yet tried?

Thanks again,

-G

[Jacob]

It can be a couple of things actually.

If you're certain that relaxation, position, arousal, and lubrication aren't the issue then it could be something like Vaginismus... which, as well as sounding like 'Christmas for Vaginas', describes involuntary muscle spasms that tighten the vaginal opening when you try to insert stuff. There is also the possibility that the usually soft membranes stretching accross the vagina, sometimes known as the corona or hymen, are somewhat firmer than usual, and are not wearing away. Or it could be something else altogether, but the gynocologist is the real expert on that stuff.

There's a bit more info on those things here:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodie ... urround_it
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodie ... vaginismus
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... hould_i_do

[sexpositivity94]

Thanks everyone!

I'll be sure to bring this up.

A little update: I bought some "toys" online. They were thinner (less than 1'' wide), and flexible. No problems there. There only seems to be a problem with wider, harder, inflexible things.

Maybe a little too much info, but I'd thought I'd give you an update, since you guys helped.

Thanks for everything!

-G

[Heather]

Good to know it's clear you did NOT get Vaginismus for Christmas.

I'd add, btw, that in general, I think it's safe to say most folks with vaginas are going to find that objects that are wide and inflexible won't feel so hot. In part, that's because the vaginal canal is curved, not straight, so trying to put something that isn't curved nor is flexible won't usually feel good. But too, even for folks for whom that stuff, or similar does feel good, you're usually talking about it only feeling good when someone is very aroused and relaxed, and someone has a preference for that.

[sexpositivity94]

I havent checked this post in a long time, but when I read the first line I was like

So true. As long as what I use is flexible, it goes in at least partially. For me, smaller is better right now.

Thanks for all the help and advice.

P.S. I got something way better for Christmas- Your book!

I've been reading it since then- its so awesome! Its like this website condensed into a few hundred pages. Thank you so much. I have awesome parents that are pretty open about sex, but even they couldn't compare to this book! Every person should have it, or heck, just teach it in schools!