virginity

[xxbakerxx]

hi I need so advice
so I'm 18 and a virgin and I have been talking to this guy a lot.. a little over a year but we are not dating. I really want to have sex with him but I scared it's going to hurt. my cousin who is my best friend keeps telling me that it doesn't hurt and to just do it but I just keep thinking that it will hurt and I will bleed. When loading your virginity does it actually hurt and do yo really bleed?

[Johanna]

Welcome to Scarleteen, xxbakerxx!

Virginity is a really tricky subject, because it means so many things to so many different people - it's not a term that has a set definition. It sounds to me like when you are talking about 'losing your virginity', what you mean is having intercourse. Do I have that right? If so, there is no reason why first intercourse specifically should be painful or cause bleeding. If you're ready and relaxed, going slowly and using plenty of lube, it should be just fine.

Have you talked to your friend about how you are feeling? If not, talking to him about this is probably a great first step. In the meantime, you might also find these articles interesting:
Magical Cups & Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

[xxbakerxx]

thanks you so much. also I'm not really sure how he feels about me because he is really shy. and I'm not sure how to get him to say if he likes me or not. but I do know that he is not one of those college boys that go around and fucks random girls

[Heather]

Sounds like communicating about intimate things together is something you're not really at yet, in the most basic ways. So, this is probably something where you're just going to want to set aside something -- like any kind of sex -- that we have to be able to communicate about even MORE intimately, until you guys get to know each other a lot better, and have at least started feeling comfortable talking to each other about all this stuff.

When you two get further along, and this choice is a lot closer, we're happy to talk more with you about what people generally can and can't expect with vaginal intercourse, as well as what people can do to make it more likely to feel good and way less likely to cause anyone pain.

[citylights27]

is it true that after my first sex I'll have a thigh gap or smth like that?

[Sam W]

Hi citylights,

Please make your own thread for that question rather than adding to this one.