Well, hello there! :)
If you are reading this page, it is probably because you asked a question about a pregnancy scare in one of our direct services, where we easily determined from the information you gave us that you did NOT have a realistic risk, and we answered it with this link.
This link is the answer, and it is almost assuredly:
• No, you did not have a risk of pregnancy in reality, or
• No, we cannot know if you are pregnant if you have not yourself taken a test, since we are not a pregnancy test nor are we psychics.
This will be the only answer to that question you are getting from us, so please read this through if you would like an answer.
IF you asked us if something does or does not pose a pregnancy risk, the answer to that question is here: Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That? And here: Pregnancy Scared?
Or here, which explains in great detail what is required for a pregnancy to even be possible: Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide.
You can find related information per a pregnancy scare when there was not a realistic risk here: Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul, and also here: You're Not Pregnant. Why Do You think You Are? or here: Who's Afraid of Sperm Cells?
And on the message boards, too:
(And that's just the highlights. Per the user registration agreement everyone agrees to when registering here, you all agree to try hard not to post a question when the information is already on the site, and/or the question has been answered on the site before. And if it's about any kind of pregnancy risk, it already has been, often many, many, oh so very, very many times.)
If you DO NOT see your situation or anything resembling it there, that is most likely because what you are asking about DOES NOT pose a pregnancy risk.
IF, when you looked at that information above, you learned you may HAVE had a real pregnancy risk, then:
- You (or your partner) may wish to obtain and use emergency contraception. We are happy to help you with any information you need to do so.
- You (or your partner, if this is about them, not you) will need to take a home pregnancy test or see a healthcare provider to be tested for pregnancy to find out if a pregnancy has occurred.
- You may need to wait a few days or weeks to do this. You will then simply need to wait. We do not possess the power to speed up time here at Scarleteen.
- After you take that test or get that exam, should you find out you (or a partner) are pregnant, we are happy to talk with you about any choice you would like to make with that or would like information about, or resources for accessing.
IF, when you looked at that information above, you learned that what you are concerned about is something we state is NOT a realistic pregnancy risk, then:
- You can accept that answer, let your worries go and then make different choices you feel better about that don't freak you out from here on out.
- You get to choose to accept that information as valid and credible or not. That is your right.
- BUT: If you do not believe what we are saying here, however, we will NOT explain again and again why we state what we do. We always research our information carefully before writing or posting it (and you, like us, can do things like read sound information from credible books on human reproduction or consult with healthcare providers if you want to double-check our research). You absolutely get to decide you do not find us credible, but if you decide that, you will need to go discuss this or get your information from someone or somewhere else you DO find credible. Hounding us to ask us to prove what we say, or explain it specifically for you ad nauseum is not an option.
- Like someone who learns what they were part of was or may have been a pregnancy risk, you also may use emergency contraception, and/or take a pregnancy test to get the answer of if you (or a partner) are or are not pregnant.
Like someone who learns what they were part of was or may have been a pregnancy risk, you may need to wait a few days or weeks to test. You will then simply need to wait. We do not possess the power to speed up time here at Scarleteen.
- You also have the right not to take a pregnancy test if you do not want to or feel that is not something you want to do. That, however, does not change our limits, particularly since we are NOT a pregnancy test, so cannot tell you if you are or are not pregnant. This is yet another power we lack, and cannot magically gain by someone harassing us.
In the event you do NOT respect the limits we are setting here, we will simply close threads, chats or texts you start which are outside these limits without comment.
If you keep making those threads (or chats, or texts) despite us closing them -- or create new accounts to try and pretend to be a different person to ask these questions with -- we will simply terminate your ability to use our services, again, without comment. Fraud and harassment are clearly listed in our user registration agreement and site policies as things that result in a ban.
What ARE we willing to talk with you more about?
- Where to get emergency contraception, a pregnancy test or methods of birth control, and how to use them.
- Making choices when you have determined, through a test and/or exam, that you are pregnant.
- How to make sexual choices you feel more comfortable with.
- How to negotiate sexual activity, safer sex or birth control with a partner.
- Where to find and how to access mental healthcare in the event that this is about a possible or known anxiety disorder or issue, or a delusion, like a person believing they are pregnant despite negative tests and exams.
- How to get better at self-care during times when you are freaking out.
- How to work through things you have learned or been told that are making you feel scared and panicked when there is no cause, per real pregnancy risks, to feel that way.
- How to slow things down so you do not find yourself in the position of having to take personal responsibility for things you do not feel ready for -- like taking a pregnancy test -- before you feel ready or able.
Summer, specifically, is extremely busy in our direct services, often in great part with users with very real issues or crises, rather than imagined crises. This includes people who are actually pregnant, and have taken the personal responsibility of taking a test. We are also very busy with users asking for help we can provide, rather than for help which is outside our education or ability, like providing mental healthcare for anxiety or panic disorders. We have far more users than we have staff to serve them, so even on a good day, taking care of everyone here is a challenge that asks a lot of our staff and hardworking volunteers.
We know we've had a handful of users in pregnancy scare mode who have been creating multiple accounts, or using multiple services of ours, and this, as well as the sheer volume of users posting about pregnancy scares who do not read the answers we already have provided, or refuse to accept them (often because their issue is not a pregnancy, but anxiety, and anxiety they are often not taking care of), is simply making it too hard for us to do our jobs and serve the users with actual needs where they truly do need individualized help we do have the capacity to provide.
If you feel as if you are being penalized in some way for the actions of others, we apologize, but it is essential we are able to manage all the work we need to do here, and in order to do that, there are some areas where we need to set hard limits and make policies. This particular area of inquiry, which often turns into a kind of harassment, is truly making it far too difficult for us to do our jobs here.
We ask that in the interest of supporting Scarleteen, the work we do, and your fellow community members, you please respect and accept these limits and do your best to work with us within them.
Founder and Executive Director, Scarleteen