And here's the second part of our volunteer profiles (part one is here) so all of you can better get to know some of the people we're so lucky to have on Team Scarleteen!
Age: 27
Where do you live? Melbourne, Australia
What year did you first find Scarleteen? 2004
What made you want to volunteer? I went through high school and the first couple years of university completely clueless about pretty much everything to do with sex and relationships. When I finally found Scarleteen and had my own questions answered so brilliantly, with so much information and so much obvious care, I knew I had to help out.
Biggest personal sexual epiphany (so far)? Learning to say "no", without any guilt, without feeling I'm letting a partner down, without second-guessing myself.
Best thing you ever learned from a Scarleteen user/users: That I can learn from them, really - I'm not always going to be the "expert". When I first started volunteering, I was so worried that it meant I'd have to know *everything* all of a sudden, but I figured out pretty quickly that I will always be learning something new here, and all of our users have a lot of knowledge to offer.
Favorite book: It's so tough to pick just one, but "A Wrinkle in Time" has always been near the top of the list. That, or anything by Terry Pratchett.
Favorite film: The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
One major life goal: To find a place that feels like home, and get to stay there for a good long time.
If you could sum up what you want to give to users here in your work at Scarleteen, what would that be? I want to help them be comfortable with who they are, to know that life is almost always best when you're being exactly who you are and not someone else's idea of who you should be.
Age: 27
Where do you live? Cologne, Germany
What year did you first find Scarleteen? 2005
What made you want to volunteer? I wanted to spread the joy, basically. Scarleteen opened up all of these doors to me that I hadn't even been aware of previously, and I felt that everyone should have those opportunities. (It's part of why I love to teach, in general: I get super excited about learning new things, and I love the look on someone's face when they just learned something new that is completely changing their world view in a positive way. Can't beat that.)
Biggest personal sexual epiphany (so far)? That it's okay if I can't pin down my sexual orientation for more than a day at a time, and that it's okay if I love and want to be with more than one person. We all have, and get to have, our own authentic approach to sexuality, and they're all equally valid.
Best thing you ever learned from a Scarleteen user/users: I've been around for so long and been part of so many conversations that it is hard to pick out just one. But I'll keep thinking, maybe something comes to mind!
Favorite book: The book that single-handedly saved my life when I was 16 is Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead. I'm also a big fan of the Harry Potter books and To Kill a Mockingbird, and lots of trashy vampire novels.
Favorite film: I have to watch Hedwig and the Angry Inch about once a week. I also like Out of Africa for when I'm feeling romantic, and My Girl for moments of childhood nostalgia.
One major life goal: To be able to live my life just the way I want it, unapologetic.
If you could sum up what you want to give to users here in your work at Scarleteen, what would that be? I want to give them the sense that they're okay, that there is nothing wrong with their wants or desires, and that they deserve to be respected.
Age: 24
Where do you live? Seattle
What year did you first find Scarleteen? 2002
What made you want to volunteer? A combination of being a sex ed nerd and a passion for helping people.
Biggest personal sexual epiphany (so far)? To relax and enjoy - it's supposed to be fun and feel good!
Best thing you ever learned from a Scarleteen user/users: The best thing I've learned from Scarleeen users is the importance of going through the process of learning what you like and don't like sexually (orientation, experimenting with activities, etc).
Favorite book: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.
Favorite film: Once.
One major life goal: To figure out what awesome career I want to have before I have to major in it.
If you could sum up what you want to give to users here in your work at Scarleteen, what would that be? It would be that while no one has ALL of the answers (except maybe Heather [editor's note: I don't have them either! - HC]), we can work together as a community to keep everyone happy, healthy and full of real knowledge.
Age: 30
Where do you live? Kentucky
What year did you first find Scarleteen? 2000
What made you want to volunteer? While I understood the mechanics, I was pretty clueless about relationships when I came out of high school. The more I learned at Scarleteen, the more committed I became to the mission of helping others also learn more about healthy relationships and sexuality.
Biggest personal sexual epiphany (so far)? That condoms are awesome.
Best thing you ever learned from a Scarleteen user/users: The best thing I've learned from ST users is about how important it is to listen. Learning from others, communicating with partners, friends and others all start with listening.
Favorite book: Just about anything sci-fi/fantasy.
Favorite film: I love musicals. It's hard to pick just one favorite!
One major life goal: To do work that I love and feel is important.
If you could sum up what you want to give to users here in your work at Scarleteen, what would that be? I'm proud to be a part of a place that provides a safe space and honest information where everyone can share and learn from one another.
This summer, Arianna, who is one of our readers, wrote and produced a play at her college about sexuality which also included a fundraising ask for Scarleteen.
This month, Marlena, another Scarleteen user, surprised us with this incredible video she made as part of Project for Awesome, to do what she could to help support what we do and express her experience of what Scarleteen can offer to young people, particularly in a world which is so often unsupportive not just of youth sexuality, but of youth as a whole.
And now, in the last week, yet another fantastic young person began an ingenious self-designed fandom auction to help us here, an effort a host of creative, generous folks have hopped on so far to pitch in with.
We feel the information, support and services we provide for young people are things that young people truly are owed: things they should be able to receive for free from any of us who have the ability to provide them for them. Ideally, our hope is always that older folks with a greater ability to help support organizations and services financially do so that youth can simply take what they need from us as they need it and not have to worry about whether it will still be there for them or not tomorrow or next year.
At the same time, even though their resources are most often far more limited, we've had some young people step up now and in the past to do what they could to help keep us going. That's evidenced well by our fantastic and highly dedicated volunteer staff, all of whom are under 30. Young people have also given through our give-a-buck campaign (which sometimes also includes lovely thank you letters I keep on one wall of my office, letters which always make me smile). Over the years, some of our strongest donors have been those who used Scarleteen as young people, and years later, want to do what they can to say thank you and assure that we're here for other teens and twenty-somethings like we were for them.
We just can't thank all of you enough. Both for what you've been able to do to help provide financial support (support we think you really shouldn't have to give in the first place), but also because when you do things like this, it makes all of us who run and manage Scarleteen feel so great about what we do, have done and can keep on doing. All of the Scarleteen team love the work we do here, but it's hardly an easy job; it's one that asks a lot of our time and energy and requires intensely sustained motivation and determination, especially in a world where what we do and the way we do it is so often grossly unsupported, even though it's exactly what young people themselves are asking for. Efforts like yours are wonderful gifts. They're like having the most amazing alternative cheerleading squad an organization could ask for. Thank you.
Our thanks, too, to all of you, whatever your age, and in whatever way you've done it, who have already given us your support this year. Scarleteen has remained the kind of independent, grassroots media and free-range, progressive activism and advocacy we want it to be for all the years we have operated, and as we enter our 14th year, we are excited to be able to continue the work and service we couldn't sustain without your generosity. Thank you.
We're at the last day of end-of-year fundraising drive. I know how overwhelming it is this time of year with the flood of requests in your postal or email box asking for your support for so many organizations or issues. If you're like me, part of the overwhelm you feel is a deep desire to give to many of these when you know you can't possibly give all you'd like to to all of them, or even more than one or two, at best. Often enough, the most charitable and progressive of us also happen to have wallets whose skimpy contents are highly unreflective of our big-hearted desire to support the organizations and issues most important to us. I know that asking for even a little financial support is often asking a lot, which is one reason why I continue to keep Scarleteen one of the most cost-efficient organizations out there and continue to set our fundraising goals as modestly as I can.
This time around, we've unfortunately -- so far -- only been able to reach less than 1/3rd of our minimum-needed goal of $35,000. When we subtract the two highest donations from the $7,500 we've raised as of today, we're only looking at around $3,000 raised. Anything you can give will make a real difference.
If you can help out in the last days of 2011, we'd truly appreciate it. You can be sure every and any dollar you give to us will be stretched as far as possible to help us continue to provide the trailblazing, holistic sexuality education, information, services and advocacy for millions of young people around the world that we have since they started asking us for our help in 1998.
This isn't now or never. If you can't give now, but may be able to within a few months, that would be fantastic, too. Whether you can help out now or a bit further down the road, your contribution has real value.
If financial support isn't an option for you, we understand. But don't forget that as an organization without the budget to even adequately compensate one staff member, let alone have a paid staff of more than one, we always can use extra volunteers. For 2012, we could use any help you might be able to offer in the following areas, particularly:
If those are skills or services you can and want to offer to share, you can contact us here. Thanks!
Our very best to all of our readers, users, colleagues and allies as we wind up 2011 and enter 2012. We feel lucky to have you as members of our community as we enter another year of creating and supporting what we think is some of the very best sex and sexuality education on the planet for readers we strongly feel deserve nothing less. The very least we owe the young people in our world is to be half as awesome as they are, after all.
Our volunteers are a huge part of Scarleteen, and I call them superstars with very good reason. They're all incredible.
They play a big part in providing our direct services at our message boards and through our text-in answer service. They are our invaluable collective editorial board: even when volunteers aren't part of writing a piece, every piece we publish goes past at least some of them and their input is priceless. They're an equal part of all conversations about how we run things here, collectively informing and making decisions about how we manage and administrate the site and organization. They are a strong support circle: for all of us as a staff, for each other, for our users. They are a brilliant hivemind: our backend chat channel for staff and volunteers has had some amazing, inspired conversation about the issues we address here at Scarleteen. Most of our volunteers also started out at Scarleteen as users, so they come in with a lot of knowledge about being a user here, which informs the way they do their work a lot. And they dedicate their free time to doing all of this, only receiving a modest stipend for their work as our budget allows.
Like I said, superstars. What we'd do without them....well, I hope we never have to know.
I feel lucky to know all of them as well as I do, and thought all of you might want a chance to get to know them a bit more yourself. I'll do this puppy in two parts to give you these snapshots: here's the first installment!
Age: 23
Where do you live? South English urban town by the sea.
What year did you first find Scarleteen? 2010
What made you want to volunteer? I never knew there were people out there exactly like me. Feminist, gender-fluid, open about sex, thinking in great depth about abuse and objectification, pansexual...Frantically googling the relationships between gender and sexual abuse, I found home. At first I thought you were all teens...but, my gosh. Adults being open about rape with teens. I've never felt so alive since I found Scarleteen. I *had* to be a part of you - I already was in my heart.
Biggest personal sexual epiphany (so far)? That actual, intelligent, well-respected ADULTS believe that gender and sex aren't linked. And there are lots of them. Closely followed by the fact that the so-called 'female' body isn't a sexual thing in itself - just sexualized by culture. I can look in the mirror again!
Best thing you ever learned from a Scarleteen user/users: That we can be strong even if we don't get on so well with our parent(s), or they've abused us. We can survive & thrive; we still rock. Also: every single one of them breaks some kind of stereotype just by existing. One is a femme lesbian, for instance; breaking the idea that lesbians are tomboys. Loads of female users love sex; including casual sex; loads of male users like romance.
Favorite book: Hmm. Mighty difficult. 'Wicked' - Gregory Maguire, 'Delusions of Gender' - Cordelia Fine, Children's Books: 'Saffy's Angel'& 'The Exiles' - Hilary McKay & 'Water Wings' - Moris Glietzman.
Favorite film: Anchorman!
One major life goal: Make some friends I actually love. Be part of a friendship group.
If you could sum up what you want to give to users here in your work at Scarleteen, what would that be? To help make it so that no teen/twenty-something ever goes through what I did due to misinformation. We're only young once, and so many teens must spend it scared to death rather than being free and having fun due to adults with-holding info or lying. So much fear and devastation could have been avoided if only I'd know that: no Manual sex with no ejaculate on hands can't get you pregnant. It's coercion, not 'boys being boys'. A boyfriend can still assault you. You're not broken because you're a girl who has lots of casual sex. You're not getting 'more broken and used up each time'. Age-gap relationships don't automatically kill you if everyone is aware and caring. No, EC isn't an abortion. Nope, men aren't 'more visual' and objectification is part of rape culture. And, yep, bisexuality exists!
Age: 28
Where do you live? Outside of Redmond, WA
What year did you first find Scarleteen? 2010
What made you want to volunteer? Heather asked me, I enjoy helping/educating people.
Biggest personal sexual epiphany (so far)? Something I thought I couldn't even do turned out to be my favorite sexual activity once I tried it.
Best thing you ever learned from a Scarleteen user/users: How strong young people really are.
Favorite book: I love books - I read around 2 books a week. It's really impossible to pick one favorite. I'm into Sci-Fi, True Crime, Self-Improvement, General fiction, Non-fiction, Science books. A couple favorite books: The entire Earth's Children series by Jean M. Auel, Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson, Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
Favorite film: Back to the Future
One major life goal: To be content & happy
If you could sum up what you want to give to users here in your work at Scarleteen, what would that be? I would really like to help young people to learn what they need to know to be safe & happy going into adulthood. They have such a desire to learn these things, and yet many adults are reluctant to give them this knowledge - even purposely keeping information from them, often at the expense of a young persons health. I want to counteract this in any way I can - I am a firm believer of information being freely available.
Age: 24
Where do you live? Ottawa, Canada
What year did you first find Scarleteen? 2005
What made you want to volunteer? When I first came here, I had so many questions and I was kind of a mess. All the volunteers and users at the time were awesome to me. Once I got my own stuff mostly sorted out, I wanted to be able to do the same for others so I started reading the articles more and answering questions.
Biggest personal sexual epiphany (so far)? It's okay to laugh and be silly during sexy times. I used to have this idea that everything had to be perfect and romantic and serious. I realize now that there will be noises and smells, and sometimes something won't go quite where or how you intended it to. Being able to laugh about this stuff makes the whole experience better for me.
Best thing you ever learned from a Scarleteen user/users: I tend to be the kind of person who wants to fix things for everyone, and I’m slowly learning that it’s okay not to have all the answers, and that I don’t have to do everything alone. I think the sense of community and helpfulness around here has been a really big part of that.
Favorite book: I love to read so this is always a really hard question for me to answer. I think I’d have to say His Dark Materials Trilogy by Philip Pullman though. I’ve re-read it countless times.
Favorite film: Also hard to pinpoint. I have really random tastes in movies, but I guess I’d say it’s a tie between V for Vendetta and Hot Fuzz.
One major life goal: Get my counselling career started!
If you could sum up what you want to give to users here in your work at Scarleteen, what would that be? I’d like everyone who comes to Scarleteen to leave with more knowledge, and a sex positive attitude. Both are so important and really go hand in hand.
Age: 25
Where do you live? Pitcairn, Pennsylvania (small town about 15 minutes outside Pittsburgh)
What year did you first find Scarleteen? 2008
What made you want to volunteer? When I first came to the site it took me a long time to even post, and I was terrified of what whomever answered may say. I remember thinking for sure that every thought I had about past sexual abuse was my fault, but actually finding a comfortable safe space at Scarleteen. The more I saw of the site the more I realized and loved that it was a safe place for so many people. I started answering questions I knew answers to hoping to be able to help others as I was, and was SO excited when I was able to become a volunteer.
Biggest personal sexual epiphany (so far)? I don’t have to have or understand all the answers about myself, my likes and dislikes, or even my boundaries as they can be formed and changed depending on what feels right for me at any time.
Best thing you ever learned from a Scarleteen user/users: One thing I’ve learned from SO many users is that just when we think we’re totally defeated, we can get up – brush the dirt off – and keep on walking. We have some really really strong individuals with such diverse experiences and backgrounds, and so often they really inspire me to keep on fighting through anything.
Favorite book: So, anyone that knows me knows I can’t pick one favorite book. I love to read, was always the kid in trouble for reading a book by flashlight under my covers ever since I was a child - reading anything I can get my hands on. But I can say I’ve read every Stephen King, John Grisham, Laurell K Hamilton, Charlaine Harris and Shel Silverstein book ever published.
Favorite film: I love a good horror movie, especially the classics. Freddy, Jason, even the old black and white films.
One major life goal: Find the courage to always be myself, and make a difference for others while doing so.
If you could sum up what you want to give to users here in your work at Scarleteen, what would that be? I’d like to give users the knowledge to protect themselves in the decisions they feel are right for them at any time – and to help each of them understand that contrary to what I was told growing up it’s totally okay to spend time experimenting and getting to know yourself and what brings pleasure to you. (And enough of the misinformation and scare tactics around sex ed!)
Age: 23
Where do you live? Leeds UK
What year did you first find Scarleteen? around 2005
What made you want to volunteer? Scarleteen's discussions on the boards were something I enjoyed and to be able to have more of an involvement to have my young opinion and expertise respected and appreciated was something I couldn't quite pass up. It's rare that I was able to feel that I could help other people and be respected by grown ups for doing it and for myself. I also happen love finding out more and talking about sexuality and sex.
Biggest personal sexual epiphany (so far)? A single thing might just be my first orgasm not-on-my-own... I think to have that part of myself suddenly not private was a big change. But lots of small epiphanies are always happening: very few sexual experiences have nothing new about them.
Best thing you ever learned from a Scarleteen user/users: That people can deal with a lot of difficult stuff... there doesn't seem to be an objective limit to human adaptability, it's actually amazing and it's like people we live with everyday.
Favorite book: I really couldn't say, but maybe The member of the wedding by Carson McCullers
Favorite film: Something between Disney's Dumbo and Fellini's Roma! Dumbo is just such a heart wrenching compassionate coming-out story about a flying elephant with an amazing score and images while Roma is just a plush gushing passionate portrait of a city with all it's complexities and colours.
One major life goal: To smooth over the bumps, life seems pretty up and down all the time! I like the idea of being old and steady for while!
If you could sum up what you want to give to users here in your work at Scarleteen, what would that be? Some words that help someone to look at their own situations in a some new way that helps them. And to help Scarleteen make sex educators and self-educators of us all.
Things slow down a bit here around the holidays. So, this is one of the main times of each year when I try to review all the content we have at the site and map out articles I, and the volunteers, feel we should aim to write or have written to add in the next year.
To do that, I look at the running notes I keep from observing what our users ask for in direct services and our social media; places where they ask for things and I don't feel we have just the right pieces to refer them to, or what we'd want to be able to give when it comes to on-site resources.
I also like to ask our more general readership what they want, too. While our direct services are very busy, they only make up a very small percentage of our daily readers, so we might miss some expressed needs or wants when we pull only from the readers we most often interact with.
What would you like to see here in the next year that isn't here already, or where there isn't as much content here as you'd like?
That can be about:
Perhaps obviously, not everything everyone will want will be something we have the resources or ability to do, or within the -- albeit wide -- limited range of what we aim for and who we serve here. However, that is a wide range, and even if we can't do something, or can't do it at a given time, it really helps for us to know what you want and aren't finding. Chances are also awfully good that if all it costs or takes is time, research and a little teamwork or outside help, we can do it, and if it's something you want and need, we'll want to do it.
One of the most core parts of Scarleteen is and always has been that our content is led by what our readers say or otherwise show they want and need, and that approach remains essential to how we do things around here. Telling us what you want isn't just about helping yourself: it helps all our readers and it helps us to do what we do best.
Big thanks for your feedback and your help!
Some of our staff and volunteer's fave links and reading from our Facebook and Twitter feeds this week:
Stephanie's Fave: 16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence:
The International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and the ensuing 16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence are commemorated every year around the world to raise awareness and trigger action on this pervasive human rights violation.
This year, UN Women Executive Director Michelle Bachelet unveiled a 16 Step Policy Agenda to address the issue. Ending violence against women is one of UN Women’s priority areas. UN Women also coordinates the UN Secretary-General’s UNiTE to End Violence against Women campaign and supports widespread social mobilization through its Say NO – UNiTE to End Violence against Women platform. In addition, UN Women manages the UN Trust Fund to End Violence against Women which commemorates its 15th anniversary in 2011.
Karyn's Faves: Abstinence education does not lead to abstinent behavior:
The study is the first large-scale evidence that the type of sex education provided in public schools has a significant effect on teen pregnancy rates, Hall said.
“This clearly shows that prescribed abstinence-only education in public schools does not lead to abstinent behavior,” said David Hall, second author and assistant professor of genetics in the Franklin College. “It may even contribute to the high teen pregnancy rates in the U.S. compared to other industrialized countries.”
Along with teen pregnancy rates and sex education methods, Hall and Stanger-Hall looked at the influence of socioeconomic status, education level, access to Medicaid waivers and ethnicity of each state’s teen population.
Even when accounting for these factors, which could potentially impact teen pregnancy rates, the significant relationship between sex education methods and teen pregnancy remained: the more strongly abstinence education is emphasized in state laws and policies, the higher the average teenage pregnancy and birth rates.
Personal Stories of Young People Living with HIV:
I'm Lilly and I’ve just been given my diagnosis a couple of months ago. I'm 20 years old and I don't know exactly how or when I got the virus as I have never had any distinctive symptoms or conversion illnesses however I have my suspicions on my first love boyfriend when I was 15. I have been with my current partner for over 3 years and until now had never used protection, I feel grateful that he is still testing negative.
My initial reaction to the diagnosis was complete and utter shock...how could I get HIV? How could this happen to me? I am going to die! Although I was reassured by my health advisor that there has been progress and I would live hopefully a \'normal\' life, visions of AIDS patients did not stop crossing my mind. I cried non-stop for the next few weeks, my appetite disappeared, I was not able to sleep, I did not want to go out, got severe headaches and basically wanted to end it there and then.
My partner has been great in helping me get through this time, I have not told my parents as yet out of fear that they will disown me, or worse, making their life a living hell. Although I still get times when I break down and cry, I am beginning to feel slightly stronger and more couragous(sic). I have joined a few support groups and have realised I am not alone, and this illness does not fit any stereotype- everyone is at risk, not just MSM, injecting drug users or people of colour.
On World AIDS Day, Remember Women:
Worldwide, 215 million women are not using an effective method of contraception despite the fact that they want to avoid pregnancy. The largest segment of these women live in sub-Saharan Africa and many are at risk of HIV. Women account for 60 percent of people living with HIV in sub-Saharan Africa, and young women between the ages of 15 to 24 are up to eight times more likely to be infected than men of the same age.
December 1st marks World AIDS Day and this year’s theme is “Getting to Zero.” Much of this day will be focused on a celebration of new technology and science that can help prevent HIV through daily treatment and male circumcision. And we should celebrate those advances – but we should also not lose sight of women who need both family planning and HIV services.
Heather's Faves: Let’s get real: female sexual pleasure and HIV prevention:
My point in highlighting these particular experiences is clearly not to advocate for forms of sexual practice that may increase the risk of HIV transmission, but rather to encourage a broader and realistic conversation amongst researchers, policy makers and service providers around the varied ways in which young women define their sexuality and what they find sexually pleasurable. If our responses do not resonate with young women’s lived realities, they will fail. It is especially worrying that mistrust of African women’s sexual pleasure has become the default position in the HIV prevention world. There are hardly any interventions that are designed specifically to address young women’s sexuality in a positive and non-judgmental way and which acknowledge that some young women have sex because they find it pleasurable. Indeed, those of us in the HIV prevention world would do well to remember that sex is not always about danger and risk but is also ‘a positive and joyous experience’ for many people, including young, unmarried African women. In the mid-nineties, US anthropologist Ralph Bolton wrote a piece in which he lamented the fact that most HIV research had completely ignored ‘the joys of sex’. He identified twenty-six ways in which sex is a positive—rather than a negative—experience and these included: sex is play, adventure, transcendence, fun, fantasy, interaction, pleasure, liminality, ecstasy, experience, an expression of emotions and a source of meaning.
Play, adventure and experience were particularly strong themes in the narratives of the female students I encountered and yet, as Kenyan feminist scholar Mumbi Machera so poignantly asserted in Re-thinking sexualities in Africa, very rarely is ‘women’s sexual desire depicted as an autonomous gesture and as an independent longing for sexual expression, satisfaction and fulfillment’ in most of this literature. Surely, our reluctance and failure to acknowledge that young women are autonomous sexual beings must, at some level, impede our ability to effectively intervene with this population. The continued high rates of HIV infection among young women point to major inadequacies in current responses and these, in turn, can partly be attributed to the fact that many of these responses have been premised on the notion of women’s victimhood and lack of sexual agency. Examples include generic messages that are based on the ABC approach—abstain, be faithful and use condoms—which encourage young women to ‘say no’ to pre-marital sex or which focus on teaching women condom negotiation skills. These do not leave much room for individual choice and preference, and they do not resonate with the lived realities of those young women who prefer to ‘say yes’ to sex, or who may have successfully negotiated the non-use of condoms with their sexual partners. In fact, US scholars Jennifer Higgins and Jennifer Hirsch note that a few studies have shown that women - rather than men - are sometimes responsible for the non-use of condoms in relationships as they complain that condoms adversely affect their sexual enjoyment.
Adoption in the United States: Harder and More Complicated Than Most Believe But "Open" to Change:
Adoption has an abysmal and embarrassing history in the United States. The twenties saw Orphan Trains, where children (many of whom weren’t actually orphans) were placed into what frequently amounted to indentured servitude. The thirties and forties marked the emergence of for-profit adoption following the lead of the terribly corrupt Georgia Tann, who actively stole children from poorer families and placed them with anyone able to pay her high fees. The fifties and sixties constituted the “baby scoop” era, where young pregnant women were sent to maternity homes and subjected to emotional and financial coercion that denied their motherhood and assured them they would forget about their children soon after the adoption.
They never did.
From this history of corruption emerged the tenets that would shape adoption for following generations: a large amount of secrecy, an unhealthy dose of shame, and the belief that keeping adoptions closed was the best thing for all parties.
To all those men who don’t think the rape jokes are a problem:
I get it—you’re a decent guy. I can even believe it. You’ve never raped anybody. You would NEVER rape anybody. You’re upset that all these feminists are trying to accuse you of doing something, or connect you to doing something, that, as far as you’re concerned, you’ve never done and would never condone.
And they’ve told you about triggers, and PTSD, and how one in six women is a survivor, and you get it. You do. But you can’t let every time someone gets all upset get in the way of you having a good time, right? Especially when it doesn’t mean anything. Rape jokes have never made YOU go out and rape someone. They never would; they never could. You just don’t see how it matters.
I’m going to tell you how it does matter. And I tell you this because I genuinely believe you mean it when you say you don’t want to hurt anybody, and that it’s important to you to do your best to be a decent and good person, and that you don’t see the harm.
What was going on here at Scarleteen in the last week? Some snippets:
last updated 1/26/2011You probably heard that Siri, the new digital assistant on the iPhone 4S, could help someone find Viagra or a sexual escort, but not a family planning clinic, a local pharmacy to get a birth control prescription filled or an abortion provider. Whether that was intended or a glitch, it was understandably very upsetting. At Scarleteen, people can get easy help finding those important services and more through our SMS service, our fully moderated message boards, our growing Find-a-Doc database and, of course, our exhaustive information about contraception, abortion and other reproductive choices, sexual healthcare and so many other sexuality and sexual health topics.
Some people sure paid a lot of money for a tool that doesn’t serve them or others well. Scarleteen users get those services and much more for free. We give teens and young adults real people to talk with, for nearly 24 hours a day and 7 days a week, when the thousands of pages of in-depth, thoughtful information at Scarleteen don’t have all they want or need. While all of that is free to our users, providing it to them costs money.
You may have appreciated a recent piece on sex education at the New York Times. It profiled a sex educator who doesn’t limit sex ed to a dry curriculum, simplistic sound bytes or fearful warnings about the terrible, horrible things that will happen to teens if they engage in sex. We certainly appreciated it. Approaching sexuality as something potentially positive and enriching, rather than as only harmful, damaging or merely neutral is something we’ve always done. You may have seen this piece on why inclusive sex education is important. We know that, too: Scarleteen is inclusive of a spectrum of orientations and identities, including in our leadership and staffing. And we aim to be inclusive with more than just orientation, but also with gender identity, embodiment, relationship models, reproductive choices, socioeconomics, cultural and religious beliefs and more.
We know sex and sexuality aren't just about the bad things that can happen. We also know healthy sexuality and relationships aren’t things only heterosexual, gender-conforming, able-bodied, middle-class or white people can attain, and that one of the most important protective factors for healthy sexuality and positive sexual experiences and outcomes is real inclusion in sexuality education and support. Holding those kinds of positions limits our access to resources other organizations and initiatives who take a different stance have. But even when we’ve had to fight a long battle like we did with the ACLU over the COPA to defend these positions, we know this is what serves people best and is what we intend to stay true to, with or without media or political support.
Every year, millions of teen and young adult readers get the truly comprehensive sex and sexual health information, education and support they want and need at Scarleteen. Scarleteen users frequently express they find a level and a quality of education and service here they have not found anywhere else, including in school-based sex education and at other organizations or sites with exponentially greater resources.
We need your support because what we do costs money.
Scarleteen is an independent, grassroots organization without federal, state, institutional or foundational funding. We are, as we always have been, supported primarily by private, individual donations from people like you. And unlike some sex education services for young people that have come on the horizon lately who seek to charge them for information, we recognize the realities of the social and economic status of young people, and aim to always provide our services to them for free.
We often need to explain to potential supporters what it is we do and the many ways that we help young people. The fact that we’ve got more pages of original, thoughtful, in-depth and progressive sexuality, sexual health and intimate relationship information online than anywhere else makes some of what we have to offer obvious. But what might be less apparent to someone who isn't one of our young users is all of what we offer here and how much it can benefit them.
There’s also the user who utilized our text service after a sexual assault to get help gathering courage to go to the emergency room: we stayed on the line with her all day and into the night, giving her support throughout the many steps of that process. There’s the user who grew up in a socially conservative environment and married young, which was supported by his community, but who found himself without help or support from the same community when his wife filed for divorce, and when he realized that the strict gender roles he was raised with had resulted in the loss of his most cherished relationship. Or the evangelical user who engaged in sex before marriage and who struggled horribly with immense levels of guilt she felt unable to disclose to anyone in her community: she came to us for those conversations and that support. Or the homeless youth in Seattle this year who received pro-choice options counseling via our partnership with a local shelter: three young women made difficult choices with pregnancies, but all left these conversations with extensive resources and support for their different choices to terminate, arrange adoption and parent they didn't have before and couldn't get elsewhere.
Young people like these have said that without Scarleteen, they don’t know how they would have gotten through what they did and come out on the other side as well as they did. Young people like these rely on us to give them a kind of information and support they often say they couldn’t find anywhere else.
We know bad things or unwanted outcomes can happen. That’s why we dedicate so much time and energy to serving young people dealing with difficult trauma, issues or circumstances. However, not all of the young people who use Scarleteen come to us in crisis. Plenty come to us without traumatic experiences, or before they've engaged in any kind of sexual activity or sexual relationship. And that's just as important: we help young people create a foundation most likely to support healthy, happy sexualities and sexual lives and informed sexual choices they feel good about.
Users frequently voice surprise that we remember who they are as they come and go. Yet this isn't surprising for an organization who deeply engages with the people it serves as a core part of its model. We think this level of engagement and commitment is essential to serving young people well, particularly with issues as diverse, personal and complex as sexuality, core parts of their identity and intimate relationships.
A phone robot won't know or remember these stories and these people. Organizations who invest more time and energy in acquiring funding than in service, who base or change their missions or aims on the politics or whims of funders rather than on the expressed needs of those who need and use their services will not have a staff and volunteer staff who know all of these stories by heart like we do. Sex education initiatives which get hamstrung by social or political battles or by foundational or institutional red tape often never get off the ground to hear these stories or speak with these youth.
This level of service requires people with deep and abiding dedication and care, but it also costs money.
It can be easy to look at all we do for the many years we've consistently done it for and think we've got all we need to keep doing it. But we don't: the amount of funds we have to work with in a given year is typically about the same as the median income for one family in the United States, a budget which means closed doors for most organizations. We're proud of our ability to do all we have with so little, and proud of the profound commitment of our staff and volunteers. However to sustain our organization and all that it does and can do, we need continued and increased support.
That’s why we’re reminding you how much we need and depend on you.
You can assure Scarleteen remains available to the hundreds of thousands of young people who find what they want and need here each month by making a donation today.
Your contribution is something you can feel proud of because of the many young people's lives it helps us positively impact together; because of the dedicated passionate and compassionate education and support it provides them in an area of life where so many so often are undereducated and unsupported. Your contribution gets a thank you every single day through every young person who is able to use a fully comprehensive, caring service like ours. And it gets a big thank you from all of us at Scarleteen, who know exactly how valuable what you can give is, and who are grateful to you for helping us continue to do the work we so love doing.
If you'd like to know more about who we are, what we do and why and how we do it, or how else your contribution will be utilized, we've provided the links below as great starting points. We're also always happy to answer any questions you may have directly, including discussing larger contributions or private grants: feel free to email us anytime.
Some of our staff and volunteer's fave links and reading from our Facebook and Twitter feeds this week:
Rae's Faves: How Modesty Doctrines Made Me Hate My Body:
This isn’t a story about how modest clothes allowed me to “let myself go” and conceal a growing figure. It’s not even a story about how wearing modest clothes kept my self-esteem at rock bottom and thrust me into a too-close relationship with Ben & Jerry. It’s a story about how modesty doctrines impacted my mind, in ways that had real, negative effects on my body. Modesty was one of the reasons my defining relationship with my body became whether or not I was “fat.” Modesty was one of the engines that pushed me into a full-blown eating disorder. It’s not just a dress code: it’s a philosophy, and it’s one that destroys young women, mentally and physically.
Modesty taught me that my first priority needed to be making sure I wasn’t a “stumbling block” to men. Not being sexually attractive was the most important thing I had to consider when buying clothes, putting them on, maintaining my weight (can’t have things getting tight!), and moving around (can’t wiggle those hips, or let a little knee show). Modesty taught me that what I looked like was what mattered most of all. Not what I thought. Not how I felt. Not what I was capable of doing.
Stealth Shaming: What It Is, Why You Shouldn’t Do It, and How Not To:
The term “out” is of massive importance to queers. It is a term that describes how brave we are, how open, and most important how good we are at being us when everyone else insists that we shouldn’t be us. Denying blending trans people access to this term is identity policing in the worst way, and of course, it’s cissexist.
In a specifically trans context, to be out means to be honest and open about one’s gender identity. When a trans man tells someone he’s male, or walks into a men’s bathroom, or says, “From a guy’s perspective…” or does anything that indicates that he identifies as male, he’s out as a man. And he’s out. Full stop. He’s put his gender identity out there. The idea that he needs to add being trans to that as some sort of qualifier is a huge double standard. We don’t demand that all cis people come out as cis in order to be honest about their gender identities, even though it’s entirely possible that some of people in our lives whom we assume are cis are actually trans.
Karyn's Faves: Glee Teen Sex: Facts & Opportunities Using CDC vs. Hollywood TV:
Truth is, Hollywood is lying about teen sex. Big time.
New CDC research points to numbers that might as well frame Hollywood shows as a public health statistical version of ‘The Lying Game’ since TV consistently paints youth onto a recklessly bleak canvas of stereotyped imagery as impulsively hormonal lusty idiots …when the exact converse is true. Of those teens that have had sex, they did so using protection. And get this…according to the CDC, less than 43% of teens have ever had sex, meaning teenagers having sex are now in the MINORITY. (NYT/CDC) Contrary to “realityTV,” teen birth rates are down, based on data collected between ’06-2010. (and that worrisome ’05-’07 bitty bump that blipped up briefly slid back to decline and we are now at the lowest rates ever recorded in the US)
And yet, what are we seeing on teen shows? A gaping chasm between the reality of teens today and the “hot or not” salaciousness of bed-hopping flings, teen moms and baby bumps galore, sexting storylines, and fixation on appearance-based boinkability… We see consistent media depictions of a 24/7 teen focus on sex. Either overly romanticized with ‘gift giving’ overtones. Or under-handed, manipulative, sex as power tool.
What We Can Learn From the Dutch About Teen Sex:
When Jamie Hubley was in Grade 7, teenagers on a school bus tried to stuff batteries down his throat because he was a figure skater. Jamie Hubley, as many Canadians sadly know, was the 15-year-old Ottawa youth who took own his life just more than a month ago. From what he wrote and what's been stated, he took this drastic and tragic measure because of depression, because he was the only openly gay student at his high school and because he had been the target of homophobic bullying at school for years. In his final blog entry, he expressed concern that life might not get better and that he could not endure the hurt for another three years.
It is difficult to know which part of the school bus batteries story is most shocking: the fact that the aggressors were teenagers bullying a seventh-grader; the sheer viciousness of the assault; the fact that Jamie was victimized because of figure skating and because of perceptions about figure skaters and because of homophobia; or the fact that he was on a school bus at the time, presumably surrounded by students who should have known something was wrong, and at least one adult who should have been informed and able to help.
Young, Gay And Homeless: Fighting For Resources:
“"The day after my 18th birthday this year, my adopted parent kicked me out," he says. "At the time, I was really infatuated with this guy, and she was listening to my phone calls. She started telling my family, 'He is this, he is that, he is gay,' and talking about me as if I wasn't part of the family."
Beaverly was lucky — he had friends whose parents were more accepting. He stayed with them until he finished high school. Now, in New York City, he is in emergency housing — only available for 90 days.
Vero's Faves: Sex Educators and the Politics of Attractiveness:
There are certainly some media “sexperts” (both female and male) who I am pretty sure are sexperts because they are conventionally attractive and willing to talk about sex. I say willing, but not necessarily well-equipped. And there are some who are smoking hot, in conventional and unconventional kinds of ways, and are totally well-equipped to be talking about sex in smart, helpful ways.
And it’s even trickier than that because there’s a balance. It turns out that if you’re a legitimate, hard-working, earned-her-credentials kind of scientist/sex educator like me – and yet conventionally attractive – media folks don’t always know what to do with you. Having served as a sex expert for several TV shows, I can tell you that the producers have sometimes struggled with how I look. In one episode, they wouldn’t let me wear my own clothes because they wanted to dress me in more professional, conservative and high-necked clothes so that I would look “less sexy”.
'I was lectured on my sexuality':
A few years back when my school principal became aware of my sexuality I was given a lecture about not publicly promoting my sexuality. I have not been successful in applying for any promotion since. I should be first in line because I am the most senior teacher in the school and I hold a Masters of Education degree. I have regular visits from the local priest to keep an eye on how I am teaching religion. No other teacher in the school gets these “visits”.
Most of my fellow teachers are not regular mass-goers. Their lives do not all fall into the norms of Catholicism when it comes to marriage. Yet they are not singled out like I am. The INTO have been sympathetic, but I was told that the school is not breaking any rules by enforcing religious practise on me or curtailing my freedom to discuss my life in the staffroom. They advised that I do not rock the boat.
What was going on here at Scarleteen in the last week?
Some of our staff and volunteer's fave links and reading from our Facebook and Twitter feeds this week:
Alice's Faves: Op-ed: Why Don’t Male Children Matter:
Girls are most often the victims of child sexual assault. When boys are assaulted, it is likely by men like Sandusky—mentors who prey on their vulnerability and to whom they feel loyal and thus unable to tell anyone what is happening to them. Because boys are considered less vulnerable than girls, when they do dare complain of abuse, often the assaults are minimized or dismissed. In the case of older children, there is a presumption that they are complicit in the assaults because of their budding sexuality, much like adult women are often portrayed as complicit when they have been raped. These cases are often represented as he said/he said and in the hyper-masculine world of sports, the victims lose.
Incurable Hippie's incredible list of disability and sexuality resources.
Karyn's Faves: Sex Ed's Straight Edge: Queering sex-ed can save lives:
Though learning about reproductive sex and associated health risks is a component of public education in most Canadian schools, the matter of whether there is discussion of anything other than non-heterosexual intercourse is still left to the discretion of teachers.
“It's all well and good to tell teachers to talk about queer and trans sex,” says Jamila Ghaddar, a sex education advocate with The Well LGBTTIQQ community centre in Hamilton, Ontario. “But who's going to support those teachers when they face backlash from angry parents? They know what the reaction will be, and they won't touch this issue with a ten-foot pole.”
The social and human impacts of teaching gender binaries and privileging heterosexual relations in schools are severe. According to the Gay and Lesbian Educators of British Columbia, nearly 40 per cent of gay and lesbian youth report dramatically low self esteem. The 2003 Centre for Suicide Prevention Alert reported that Canadian youth who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or questioning their sexuality are 3.4 times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers.
What We Can Learn From the Dutch About Teen Sex:
U.S. parents fear that sex is everywhere and they want to protect kids from it. I argue that you want to have a positive vision that you can lay out there, not a vision of keeping sex away from you. Because then, you have two options: either a very sensationalized unrealistic scoring type of mentality or no sex until marriage. Those are not two good alternatives.
“What if our kids really believed we wanted them to have great sex?” Vernacchio asked near the end of an evening talk he gave in January primarily for parents of ninth graders who would attend his sex-ed minicourse. “What if they really believed that we want them to be so passionately in love with someone that they can’t keep their hands off them? What if they really believed we want them to know their own bodies?”
Vernacchio didn’t imagine that his audience, who gave him an enthusiastic ovation when his presentation ended, wanted their 14- and 15-year-olds to go out tomorrow and jump into bed or the backseat. Sex education, he and others point out, is one of the few classes where it’s not understood that young people are being prepared for the future.
Vero's Faves: Shaming and taming teenage girls:
Look away now if you don’t like to watch the media revel in shaming young female celebrities. The above quote wasn’t lifted from of the plethora of “trash” mags, but rather from online site Jezebel, a site that claims to be offering “celebrity, sex and fashion…without airbrushing.” No airbrushing but, it would seem, with an extra dose of female venom – or, as we like to call it, fem-ven. Sadly, Jezebel is not alone in reveling in dishing up the dirt on young women.
Much of popular culture perpetuates the idea that young women can simply not be trusted, particularly if they have money, fame or any kind of power. Think everyone’s favorite targets; Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Kim Kardashian… Going by all the recent reports which document young women stripping off and partying on, you would be forgiven for thinking that young women are simply out of control.
Think too of the more troubling way in which teen girls are presented by those who are supposed to have their best interests at heart. How many books on teen parenting have featured either surly looking misses with arms folded on their covers, or titles which claim to help parents “survive” adolescent girls (please note – girls aren’t carcinogenic).
The general consensus seems to be that girls are running wild and must be tamed, or shamed- stat!
Opinion: Attempts to discredit sex education in schools are outdated, misguided:
Opponents also attempt to discredit sex education by claiming that it undermines parents’ rights to educate their own children. George and Moschella mistakenly view parents as a monolithic group and neglect to mention polls that show that most adults support sex education programs by wide margins. They are also in for a surprise if they think their piece will galvanize parents to demand a more spacious “opt out” policy. Only a tiny fraction of parents in most school districts opt their children out of certain sex ed lessons.
New York City’s sex ed policy lets parents remove their children only from instruction about birth control and contraception, which George and Moschella argue is too narrow. I’m against any “opt out” provision, especially given that our children will inherit a world where STDs rage on. They must know how to protect themselves, and sex education is the first line of defense for public health. Most parents want their children to learn how to stay sexually healthy and understand that teachers can deliver unbiased, accurate information better than they can.
Heather's Faves: There Are Victims in the Penn State Tragedy, Not "Accusers" :
This language usage plays a powerful ideological function. Consider: the public is inclined to sympathize -- even empathize -- with female and male victims of rape, or prior to a finding of guilt of the accused/defendant, "alleged victims." Unless our psyches have been hopelessly distorted by misogyny or desensitization we not only feel badly about what has happened to them; we identify with them. Victim-blaming often distorts this sympathetic identification, but the sentiment derives in part from an understanding that "the victim could just as easily have been someone I love -- or me."
Referring to the victim as the "accuser" reverses this process. She is no longer the victim of his (alleged) attack. She is the one doing something -- to him. She is accusing him. In other words, she is now the perpetrator of an accusation against him. At the same time, he is transformed from the alleged perpetrator of sexual assault to the actual victim of her accusation. The public is thus positioned to identify sympathetically with him -- to feel sorry for him - as the true victim.
Every time a well-meaning journalist or commentator refers to sexual assault victims as "accusers" they contribute to this dynamic. They tilt the scales of justice away from victims and toward alleged perpetrators. The presumption of innocence for accused men -- and women -- is a critical feature of our judicial system. It represents a basic commitment to equal justice and fairness that is well worth fighting to preserve.
#NoShaveNovember Raises Hairy Gender Questions:
No one should be surprised at what is trending on Twitter. No one. While body hair has been discussed from time to time in the women’s movement, it hasn’t spread to the mainstream discussion. That’s because the progress that has been made for body image in the media has for the most part been about weight and body size. While weight and body size are important issues that must be addressed, they are not the only gendered issues around body image. I’m still waiting hopefully for the Glee kids to sing about leg fuzz.
Yes, there is increasing pressure for men to wax their backs and chests. And yes, men in fashion magazines often have trimmed armpit hair. Fashion tends to dictate what we should look like, and the appearance of hairless men in magazines is no exception. One could also argue that men’s garments are often less revealing, making shaving armpits or backs a moot point. So what’s the difference between the expectation of hairless men and hairless women?
"Eggsploiting" Young Women - What the Fertility Industry Doesn't Want You to Know:
Despite being someone who enjoys staying abreast of women’s issues, I was left stunned after a viewing of the provocative documentary Eggsploitation last week at the Capitol Building. In her documentary, Executive Producer, Director, and Writer Jennifer Lahl exposes the negative consequences of female egg donation which fertility centers all too often conceal from the public eye. Though not an expert on egg retrieval or the self-administered hormone injections, I knew female egg donation existed and has gained increasing momentum in recent years. I also recognized that the risks and possible complications for female egg donors were far more dangerous than those for male sperm donors. What I failed to understand about female egg donation is that the vulnerable women having their eggs harvested are all too often left anonymous victims in the process.
Exclusive: Breaking Bella—When Love Equals Violence:
Some people might say, so what? Life is violent. Childbirth, at the very least, is violent. And they’re right. Nobody would stand in line for hours in the pouring rain to see a movie in which every character floated around on an ambrosia-scented cloud and ate bon-bons until the credits rolled. But my point isn’t that this movie is violent; it’s that while Edward stares out the window and mopes and Jacob storms around in various stages of undress, Bella bears the brunt of the movie’s violence at the hands of the people she loves. This is the central message of the movie: love comes hand-in-hand with physical violence. We’re supposed to revel in Bella’s suffering; the bigger her bruises, the louder her bones crack, the better wife she is, the better mother, the better woman. Twilight’s audience skews young—there were nine-year-old girls in the theater with me—so what are they supposed to take away from this?
Those too young to have experienced a sexual relationship and certainly too young to have experienced a pregnancy only see the normalization of violence against a woman’s body. And when the movie ended, they cheered for it.
What was going on here at Scarleteen in the last week?
We do so much reading and outlinking in a given week through our Twitter and Facebook feeds, it can get dizzying! While it's not always easy to find great content out and about that addresses the issues we do well, we still always find plenty that catches our interest, or gets our support or a hat-tip from us. But not all of our readers use Twitter or Facebook, and we'd also like to start making sure to keep track of the bits and pieces each week we really appreciated or feel deserve a second look.
So, from here on out, every Friday we'll be rounding up some faves from an assortment of our staff and volunteers. Let's get this ball rolling!
Rae's Fave: Sex, Gender And Dancing With Chaz Bono:
Uproar has resulted from Chaz's appearances on Dancing With The Stars. I learned this first from my Facebook feed, where a woman I know, a diehard fan of the show, declared that she wouldn't watch it until "she" (Chaz) was kicked off. Chaz's transformation from Chastity upset her greatly, and she's not alone. The psychiatrist Keith Ablow has warned parents not to allow their children to watch Chaz, for fear that their developing, and thus vulnerable, gender identity might be disrupted. For the record, no evidence exists to suggest that watching a transsexual dance on television causes children any harm.
Although the word "transgender" is sometimes used to describe Chaz, the term "transsexual" is more accurate. Transgender people are born as one sex and identify with, act, and/or dress as the other. They haven't had sex-reassignment surgery, although some may go on to have it in the future.
The primary issue is of course people, not terminology: People like Chaz Bono, who have a right to transcend biology and to become, physically and emotionally, the sex they know themselves to be. And the rest of us too, who react to Chaz Bono's dancing presence. We can transcend an evolved tendency to think in fixed binaries, and arrive together at an acceptance of constructed sex as well as of constructed gender.
Karyn's Faves: Lesbian teen launches LGBT youth book project:
For LGBT youth, age-appropriate books about LGBT people and issues can be a lifeline. Not every school has the resources or desire to include such books in their collections, though. But 14-year-old Amelia Roskin-Frazee, an out lesbian ninth grader from California, founded The Make It Safe Project to solve that problem. The project gives free packages of LGBT books to schools that need them, and works to ensure the books will be readily available to students.
(P.S. Scarleteen will be donating books to this project, too! Three cheers for Amelia and her fantastic idea and activism.)
Recommendation: A Transgender Vagina Talks Back:
This is one of the coolest YouTube videos I’ve ever come across – I don’t know who this guy is, but he sums up so many of the odd, funny, awkward, self-contradicting sensation and thoughts that result from having a body that doesn’t match one’s identity but loving that body anyway. I’m genderqueer, not trans, but I still find what he has to say about what it’s like to have a vagina to be hilarious, heartening, and thought-provoking. I hope it brightens some other people’s days as much as it brightened mine.
Heather's Faves: #ThingsAYoungMomDoesntWantToHear:
When I was in high school, I was “diagnosed” with teen pregnancy a month after my 17th birthday. I say “diagnosed” because society promotes this idea that teen pregnancy is a disease - a contagious disease - and we must shun those infected to prevent it from reaching our own homes. Since then, I have been a witness to a condescending, disrespectful, and judgmental society that has pushed me to the edge… the edge of insanity. Contrary to popular belief, my teenage friends and peers weren’t very mean. But the adults in my life? The adults have scarred me in ways unimaginable. Recently, I have blogged on this topic… why do adults forget their manners and think it’s acceptable to tell me “You look too young to be a mom!” So I took my frustrations to the wonderful world of twitter yesterday for my 1800 followers to read...
The slow and uneven developmental arc revealed by these imaging studies offers an alluringly pithy explanation for why teens may do stupid things like drive at 113 miles an hour, aggrieve their ancientry, and get people (or get gotten) with child: They act that way because their brains aren't done! You can see it right there in the scans!
This view, as titles from the explosion of scientific papers and popular articles about the "teen brain" put it, presents adolescents as "works in progress" whose "immature brains" lead some to question whether they are in a state "akin to mental retardation."
The story you're reading right now, however, tells a different scientific tale about the teen brain. Over the past five years or so, even as the work-in-progress story spread into our culture, the discipline of adolescent brain studies learned to do some more-complex thinking of its own. A few researchers began to view recent brain and genetic findings in a brighter, more flattering light, one distinctly colored by evolutionary theory. The resulting account of the adolescent brain—call it the adaptive-adolescent story—casts the teen less as a rough draft than as an exquisitely sensitive, highly adaptable creature wired almost perfectly for the job of moving from the safety of home into the complicated world outside.
Seven things Glee gets wrong about The First Time:
2. You can’t feel or understand passion until you’ve lost your virginity.
This is the Sleeping Beauty Theory, where Rachel needs Finn to ‘wake her up’ sexually by putting his penis inside her. Only then will Rachel become a sexual person, capable of sexual feelings and sexual musical theater acting. This kind of thinking negates the power of all the many and varied sexual experiences a woman might have that don’t require even the proximity of a penis.
What's Love Got to Do with It? Marriage, Tradition and Gays:
The idea that marriage is about love between two people is a modern concept. Love often had nothing to do with marriage. It was about politics, property, production, division of labor, and materialistic issues. For much of history, the ancients would speak of love as if channeling Tina Turner: "Oh, what's love got to do, got to do with it?"
When you consider that some of the first marriages in colonial America were between men and women who didn't know each other, you can see how love had little to do with it. For instance, "Between 1620 and 1622, about 150 'pure and spotless' women arrived in Virginia and were auctioned for about 80 pounds of tobacco to future husbands."
I've noticed that promoters of "traditional marriage" are the most misinformed, ahistorical participants in the debate. Much of what they claim is pure codswallop. While I can't dissect their mental processes, to the extent that they actually think about the issues, I suspect that some claims are not just fabrications but an intentional twisting of facts. This may not be true of rank-and-file "marriage advocates," but when it comes to leaders of the movement, I suggest that they are willfully ignorant or consciously dishonest.
The vision of marriage that they claim is traditional is uniquely modern and results from the influence of the Enlightenment, classical liberalism and the economic forces of modern capitalism. We are no longer primarily agricultural, so we no longer marry to preserve property; households are no longer centers of production, so division of labor is not beneficial. We have moved toward egalitarian marriages where woman are the legal equals of men -- a very nontraditional concept. These forces changed marriage substantially. What the right calls "traditional marriage" is not traditional at all, and most people, including conservatives, would not want to return to the past.
What was going on here at Scarleteen in the last week?
© 1998 - 2011 Scarleteen/Heather Corinna. All Rights Reserved.
Best viewed with Firefox • Privacy Policy & User Guidelines
Subscribe to our RSS feed.