Hi Heather, I just found a question from 'samy-baby' concerning rape when performing a google search for something unrelated as it caught my eye. I'm afraid you appeared all too eager to label the bloke as unsafe and 'stay well away from him', given that the girl openly admitted within the first words of her sentence that she gets her boyfriend stupid-horny then says "no sex", that's just cruel, and I doubt many men would tolerate it. I've made it abundantly clear with my girlfriend that if she makes the effort to turn me into a horn-monster, she should finish through or I'm usually very pissed off; not to say that I'd go ahead and have sex with her anyway. All I'm saying is you failed to advise this girl that if she doesn't want to have sex, then she shouldn't get her boyfriend horny.

I'm 17,and I have been dating this guy for like a year. We just started having sex, and the other day we were going to but he wanted me to give him head before so he would last longer...then he could not get it back up. He tried hard to but it just wouldn't. Was it me? Can I just not do it for him or something?

I come here quite often to browse and get information I need, and now I need some advice.

Since I was 13 and started dating and getting more intimate I decided I didn't want to go down on a guy. I had quite a few reasons for it and on top of it I just found it abnormal. Well now I'm 15 and have been in a relationship for quite some time now. Me and my boyfriend talk about sex openly, what each of us are ready and not ready for, and this really does work. He knows my stand point on the no going down thing, though he has done that for me. I know he doesn't expect it back, but he does say that he really wants to. And I find myself compelled to at some points. Does this mean I'm a hypocrite, turning my back on what I've believed? Every time we bring it up I always tell him I'm paranoid, I have researched what you can get from doing something like that. I just don't know, can you help me?

My husband and I have sex a lot...well it used to be more before I got pregnant with our daughter. Anyways, he has pushed for anal sex-which hurts so much-and the second time I let him go ahead and do it I was crying so much afterwards that he said he'd never ask again...but he has, and when I say no he pushes. I feel like he's punishing me for having cheated on last year...it's like by hurting me physically he's getting back at me for hurting him emotionally. Is that right? And is there any way I can make anal not hurt so much - lube doesn't help but so much.

The truth is: I am scared. But also anxious, excited, curious. My boyfriend and I have an attraction unlike any I've ever known. He always tells me to let him know if I want to stop, and then he will stop. I want to be intimate with him, and I've definitely thought about it, but it could always be too much too soon. I feel we may engage in sex soon. I don't really know how to do anything, though. I think I'm ready for it, but we're both still young, in high school. I'm afraid for what will happen, for what I am or am not capable of. I want to make him happy, but not always at the cost of myself. I cannot get pregnant; this is my forefront concern. Sex has always been displayed as something funny by my friends, and dangerous by my elders. To me, it's more a... beautiful thing? I'm not sure. With my less than adequate experience, I honestly don't know. I know that I love him; is that enough?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and we have been having sex. But when we do the doggystyle (not anal) its painful for me. I feel that like my stomach is hurting, which kinda sucks because my boyfriend likes it a lot but its too painful for me. I try to bear with the pain so I can please him but sometimes its too much. What can I do so it doesn't hurt?

Why do guys get so tired and uninterested after they orgasm? Just because his penis isn't hard anymore doesn't mean he has to stop! I would totally keep doing other things focused on other parts of the body until he's ready again, and I wouldn't mind continuing to be stimulated with his hands or something, but he doesn't seem interested. He just lays there and if I try to do anything else he gets up immediately to clean up and put his clothes back on. Why?

My boyfriend is 22 this year and he has had one sexual partner before me, I am 21 and he is the first person I've ever had a sexual relationship with. We've been having sex for almost a year and we've been together for about two years. I was wondering whether it is normal for a guy to be able to have an erection that lasts for 40 minutes (at least) to almost an hour (sometimes more) in bed? He tells me that a lot of girls want a guy who can last long in bed, but unfortunately for me (and ironically, him as well), I can never find the stamina to keep going for that long - we both do our parts and take turns with who is on top, but I reckon this is due to the whole process taking about 3 hours at least because of foreplay and the cuddling after sex. If we take a break, either of us will just lose the mood to continue. It is the same whether or not I give him a hand/blow job before we start having sex - he still maintains his erection for a very long time. I do get frustrated because of how long it can take, and although there are times when I do enjoy him being able to last so long, other times I'd rather just have a quickie. Is there anything we can do about this? Or is it just something certain guys have? I don't want to ask him about his previous sexual relationship because I'm comfortable not knowing the details.

Another question I have is whether a guy can be too used to his own hands when he masturbates, so much so that no matter how I try I can't get him to cum no matter what method I use when I'm giving him a blow/hand job (just my hands, hands and mouth, mouth only) which is what I do when he needs a release and I'm having my period. The reason I'm asking is also because when I'm tired or sore from all the vigorous sexercise, sometimes I try to finish him off with a hand/blow job but it's the same and it doesn't get him off unless he takes over and does it himself.

He doesn't complain about it, and doesn't force me to do anything that I am not comfortable with, but I do want to be able to satisfy him from beginning until the end because he never fails to satisfy me. Am I missing anything here?

He wants oral sex but I don't like to give it. What should I do?

My boyfriend likes to have sex with me at least twice a week. During my menstruation is it a problem to have sex? My boyfriend wants to have anal sex but I am afraid of getting hurt. How to do?

My boyfriend gets REALLY tired (and boring) after he orgasms. He like falls asleep. Is this normal??

I am in a bit of a pickle. I am ok with my boyfriend fingering me, but I never tell him to, or even elude to it. But I am uncomfortable with giving him hand jobs. I mean, we will be lying down on the couch, and he will just start sliding his hands down to unbutton my pants. I won't resist (unless I am on my period, or am not in a sexual mood) but feel awkward when he then wants me to give him a handjob. How do I tell him this, because even though I do enjoy him fingering me, and I think he likes it too, I don't want to give him hand jobs, and don't want our relationship to become one wayed...what do I do?

I'm 18 and have been sexually active with my boyfriend for about a year. We've done all sorts of things with each other, including oral sex. However, he refuses to perform oral on me. I've given him blowjobs many times. He says he enjoyed it very much, except he felt bad because he didn't want to reciprocate. He says that if I don't want to give him a blowjob, he would completely understand. But I love giving oral; I don't feel that it's unfair to me if I choose to do it. Even so, I really wish he would go down on me. When I asked him why he doesn't want to, he said he doesn't know. What could be bothering him, and what can I do to convince him that giving me head isn't as scary as it apparently seems to him?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months. I am 18, she is 17. I've been consistently fingering her/going down on her for several months now. Yet she has never taken the initiative as to go down on me, not even so much as with her hand. The only contact she seems able to handle with my penis is in sex, which we've tried to no avail (can't get it in). The fact that we can't have sex wouldn't bother me whatsoever if she went down on me every once and a while. What bothers me most is that she doesn't seem like she wants to get me off whatsoever. She seems literally terrified of my penis, though strangely OK with sex (I suspect this is because sex is pleasurable for her, too). Meanwhile, I am completely opposed to the idea of suggesting she go down on me, because I feel like she ought to want to anyway. Long story short, she seems perfectly attuned to receiving pleasure but not to giving it. What can I do?

I'm 20 years old and I've been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years. We are both virgins. Early in the relationship I told myself that I didn't want to have sex until marriage (mainly because I was, and still am, paranoid about becoming pregnant. He's been very patient and has never tried to force or guilt me into having sex. I guess I sort of have 2 separate questions:

I have given him HJs and BJs for a few years, but he has never done the same for me, not because he doesn't want to but because it just never feels good, even when I'm "in the mood." I've pretty much given up on even letting him try because I assume it's going to be hopeless. In addition, I've never masturbated for the same reason. Is there anything I can do to make it work?

Second, I've recently really been considering having sex with him, not because he's pushing me (he's not), but because I've just felt like I want to. I was considering going on the pill, but if not (or at least not yet), would taking EC afterward even with correct and "failure-free" condom use be a bad idea? Would it be pointless?