I'm pregnant.

It looks like such a small sentence, but in reality it is not small at all. Pregnancy is a big deal. It changes lives, both during a pregnancy and afterward. Bodies change, relationships change, lives change. It can be exciting and terrifying all at the same time. So I start this with a small statement with big implications.

At Scarleteen, we see many questions about pregnancy. Often they are about a specific pregnancy risk or whether someone is pregnant or not. Sometimes it is about the choices that accompany a pregnancy. Sometimes there are questions about the things that happen during pregnancy.

I'd like to share with you, in this blog, about my pregnancy. It is not my intention to suggest that this is what every pregnancy is like for every woman. I am not arguing that my choices are the "only" or "best" way. I want to talk about my experience and my perspective. I want to share the good parts and the bad parts.

To that end, I feel like it is important to tell you who I am. I’m 31 and this is my second pregnancy. I have a preschool aged child already. I am legally married to my partner. I have health insurance through my partner and my current OB/GYN is the doctor who delivered my first child via caesarian section (c-section). I have a BS and an MA and I currently work full-time. I would consider myself to be reasonably healthy. I do not share these things about myself to indicate that this is the way it “should” be done, but rather because my physical and social context make a difference in my pregnancy experience. Every woman is different and every pregnancy is different.

After much discussion, thought, and preparation, my partner & I had decided that we wanted to try to add another child to our family. It was not a decision we made quickly or lightly. Adding to a family is a big deal. With the current state of the world and in an economy where no job is guaranteed, adding another person to be fed and cared for can be a scary thought. While I do work full-time, my partner is the primary income in our household. What would happen if one of us lost a job? What if something happened to me during pregnancy or delivery? Childcare is expensive, could we manage that and the other expenses? Did we have room in our current home or would we need to move? What did we have to offer a child?

After many months of discussion, we decided we wanted to try to conceive. With our previous child, I used fertility awareness (FAM) to chart my basal temperature (BBT) and cervical mucus (CM) to help determine when ovulation was occurring (and thus to increase our chances of success). I believe we tried for about 3 months before becoming pregnant the first time. This time around, I was not able to chart as regularly as I had before. In order to get the most accurate BBTs, it’s important to chart after at least 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep and to take the temperature at approximately the same time each morning. With a preschooler who is in a “wake up ALL THE TIME” phase, this was extremely difficult. In fact, for them most part I was unable to take reliable temperatures so I relied mainly on observing my CM to even guess at ovulation (so I was likely not as accurate this time). We tried for 5 months this time before conceiving.

In spite of the fact that we were trying, I was surprised. With my last pregnancy, I knew when I had ovulated and I tested positive on a home pregnancy test at around 8 days past ovulation (which is very early). I tested at what I believed was 12 days past ovulation this time and it was negative, so I fully believed that we had not conceived during that cycle. However, just after Christmas I tested again on a whim and this time it was positive. I was surprised. I was shocked. At first, I stared at the test and couldn’t figure out what to do. “Oh my,” I thought, “What have we done? What am I going to do?” I know that probably sounds strange, given that I was deliberately trying to become pregnant. But pregnancy is a big deal. For me, I think it’s always one thing when it is theoretical and another when it is ‘real life.’ So my reaction to both pregnancies that I’ve had has been happy tempered with some shock.

Once I processed this new information and shared it with my partner, I began the process of getting used to this new state of being for me. (Incidentally, my partner was extremely happy and excited about the revelation.) It took me a few days to really wrap my head around it. For a week, it was just about all I could think about. Every other thought started with, “I’m pregnant.” Slowly, it started to become a more normal thought and I settled into being happy about it.

My positive pregnancy test was at about the time I would have missed my period. I tend to be irregular anyway, so I had not even realized I was late when I tested. I wasn’t experiencing any symptoms, I just tested on a whim. Based on my last menstrual period (LMP), I was 4 weeks pregnant when I tested positive. Health care providers generally date pregnancies based on LMP. Even though the pregnancy itself was only 2 weeks old (based on when I had likely ovulated), I would have been considered to be 4 weeks pregnant. I had already been taking prenatal vitamins, so I continued with that.

I called my OB/GYN’s office and made an appointment to come in for a first prenatal appointment at approximately 6 weeks pregnant. When I arrived for my appointment, I was given another pregnancy test and they also checked my urine to be sure I didn’t have a UTI (standard procedure in this office). After confirming the pregnancy and measuring my height, weight, and blood pressure, I met with one of the office midwives to discuss my care. She asked about my LMP and figured out my estimated due date (EDD), which would be in late August. We also talked about my medical history and my partner’s medical history. Since I’ve been with this office for several years and delivered my first child with them, my medical record is already established there. However, it was very important to go through and update the record since my last appointment there. After that, we discussed my wishes for this pregnancy and went through the usual list of dos & don’ts during pregnancy. In addition to taking prenatal vitamins, we talked about the things I needed to do to care for my health during pregnancy. There are many medications that pregnant women should not take. There are also some foods and activities that should be avoided. Although I had heard these lists before, it was a good reminder since it has been several years since my last pregnancy. The midwife also asked me about any concerns that I had. At 6 weeks, I was not experiencing much in the way of side effects, except for some cramping. I did not have cramping during my last pregnancy, so I wanted to ask about it. She assured me that this was normal and was more common with subsequent pregnancies. As long as I was not experiencing extreme pain or bleeding, it was nothing to worry about. Before leaving the office, I had to read and sign several forms about keeping appointments, the risks of smoking during pregnancy, and prenatal testing that was offered by the office. I also scheduled my next appointment for 4 weeks afterward. They also gave me an order to have some bloodwork done.

Right now, I am about 8 weeks pregnant. For the most part, I don’t feel that much different than I did before I was pregnant. The embryo is only about the size of a kidney bean, so in terms of feeling changes it is still extremely early. Of the traditional “symptoms” you hear about, the only thing I’m experiencing right now is some nausea, increased urination, fatigue and some breast tenderness. I don’t have “morning sickness” in the traditional sense. Instead, I wake up feeling fine, but start feeling nauseated sometime around 3pm. It gets worse as afternoon and evening progresses. For the most part, I don’t vomit, but the nausea can be really distracting at times. (This is not surprising for me since I had the same kind of ‘all day nausea’ with my previous pregnancy as well.) In terms of the increased urination, this is likely related to my increased water intake and growing blood volume. During pregnancy, a woman’s body produces extra blood. This means that there is more fluid for my kidneys to filter and thus more peeing. At this point, it means I’m urinating a couple of extra times each day. I do find that I am more tired during the afternoon, but so far I’m actually less tired than I was with my first pregnancy. I don’t look pregnant. My clothes still fit the way they did before. I’m not consuming massive amounts of pickles and ice cream. If I haven’t told you that I am pregnant, there is no way that someone would know.

As we've explained in the past, like here, with proper use, condoms actually break very rarely. The common mythology that condoms are flimsy and break all the time is just that: mythology, not reality. Different studies on latex condom breakage tend to reflect a breakage rate of around .4%, or only 4 breaks in every 1,000 uses. So, if you're having condoms break often, especially before you've even used them a few hundred times, it's not likely something is wrong with condoms, but that something is wrong with the way you're using them. That's not surprising, since a lot of people don't get good information about how to use condoms correctly, or ever see clear, slow demonstrations of proper use where they also get the chance to ask questions.

Since we've been having some users lately reporting patterns of breakage, we thought we'd take a few minutes to walk you through a review of some common issues that tend to make breakage more likely, so that those of you using condoms can avoid breaks and have them provide you the high level of effectiveness in preventing pregnancy and STIs you are using them for.

Have you checked the expiration date? Condoms past their expiry date are much more likely to break, because the latex can start to break down. If they're past the expiry date, they also may have been shuffled around for a long time. The expiry date put on a condom -- which you can always find right on the package of every individual condom -- is usually for around five years after it's been manufactured, so you've got a pretty good time window. Our advice? Make sure a condom is not only within its expiry date, but around six months ahead of it, the time when a lot of condom resellers dump a batch instead of continuing to sell them. Don't use condoms past their expiry dates: toss them out and get yourself new ones.

Are you or your partners storing them properly? Sometimes people carry around what we'll call the "wishful thinking" condom. That one condom they keep in their wallet from the dawn of time, thinking if they have that one condom, they'll be more likely to have an opportunity for sex. Or maybe you just think that will assure you'll never be without a condom when you need one, which would be great if the condom you had had been stored properly.

Condoms need to be stored somewhere that doesn't get too hot or cold, where they're not directly exposed to sun or fluorescent light, and where they don't get bumped around a lot. Back pockets, wallets, the bottom of a purse or inside a car dashboard compartment are not sound places to store condoms. If you want to carry a condom or two around with you, find something you can put them in that protects them, like a pencil case, or in the box they came in if you bought a whole box. There are also cases made expressly for storing condoms, and sometimes when you buy condoms, you might find some already specially packaged in a storage case.

Condom storage is also something to think about before you even have the condom yourself. Some places that sell or dispense condoms don't store them properly, potentially screwing them up before you even get them. That's why machines that dispense them aren't such a great place to get them, nor are places like gas stations, which often keep them near the front windows, where it can get hot or sunny. When purchasing condoms, look for them to be in a spot where temperatures are moderate and they're not in direct sunlight. You also want to avoid hand-me-down condoms, too, however well-intentioned the person who gave them to you may be. Who knows how that person stored them.

Leaving room in the tip? You don't put condoms on like you put on a sock or stocking, where you pull them all the way on so that they're snug at the tip. Instead, we need to leave a little bit of room -- around a half inch or so, or the width of two fingers, if that's easier -- at the tip for ejaculate and so the condom can move around a little bit. That makes them feel more comfortable, too.

Using enough lubricant? Plenty of condoms come pre-lubricated, but that's only a smidgen of lube. More times than not, especially for intercourse that goes on for a while -- and more so with anal intercourse than vaginal, since the anus doesn't produce its own lubricant -- you'll need some extra lube right from the start, or to add lube during sex. Even with vaginal intercourse, while the vagina often produces its own lubrication when the person with the vagina is aroused, lube is often still needed. It's pretty common for younger people to feel nervous or have issues with arousal, so not being as lubed up on your own as you might be otherwise is typical. Too, if you're using a hormonal birth control method like the pill, one common side effect is a drier vagina. While we don't endorse mixing sex with drugs or booze, being wasted also tends to impact lubrication, especially with alcohol. By all means, drinking impairs our judgment no matter what, making it a lot harder to use condoms at all, let alone properly, but it also often inhibits parts of the sexual response cycle. Whatever the reason, chances are awfully good that you need more lube than a condom itself offers. Plus, putting a drop or two of lube inside the condom, as well as more liberally on the outside, makes condoms feel a lot better, too.

Feeling funny about using lube? Don't, seriously. People have used lubricants for as far back as we know, and if you ask us, beautifully engineered, clean lube in a bottle or tube is a serious improvement over animal guts or blubber, something we know people way back in the day used as lube. The idea that a body creating enough lubricant on its own gives a person some kind of sexual status, and that not being lubed up enough on your own means something is terribly wrong, are both really problematic ideas. Lube makes things feel better most of the time, and it helps condoms be more effective. We can probably agree that there's no status in sex feeling less than as good as it can, or in a condom failure.

Remember, what you use as lube with latex condoms matters a lot. When buying lube, look for the tube bottle or packet to make clear a lube can be used with condoms. Oil-based lubes or oils, lotions or vaseline are NOT okay to use with latex condoms.

One condom per customer. If you have the idea that two condoms at a time are better than one, ditch it, and fast. That only increases friction, which increases the possibility of breakage. Only use one condom at a time.

Same goes for thinking thinner condoms will be more likely to break: that's not true. Thinner condoms often feel better and are just as effective as thicker ones.

Does the condom fit? Condoms really aren't one size fits all. Sure, most brands will fit a lot of people just fine. But some brands or styles don't work for plenty of folks. So, if a condom is really tough to get on or off, hard to roll down, won't roll down all the way, or feels uncomfortable, try out some different sizes or brands. If we have to struggle with condoms, we're more likely to put them on wrong or just ditch them altogether. And with so many options in condoms, there's no reason anyone should have to use a size or style that doesn't work for them. The right condom usually feels great and works just as well. Even if you're getting condoms for free from a clinic or school, you'll often have more than one option, so snag a few different ones when you can.

Carrying condoms when you're not the one wearing them? If so, see if you can't buy variety packs, so you have more than one style or size around in case another just doesn't work out. Most condom manufacturers sell combination boxes of a couple different styles or fits, sold right where you can get boxes of only one style or size. If you feel funny about having a variety and worry about judgment from a partner, remember that what you're doing is having an assortment so they're most likely to have a condom that feels good for them. Every partner is going to appreciate that.

Are you or your partner hanging around after ejaculation or starting intercourse again without changing condoms? Male condoms are manufactured and designed for a single use: in other words, for only one session of intercourse or one ejaculation. After ejaculation happens, it's really important the person wearing the condom withdraws pretty immediately. If you want to continue that sexual activity or start again, you need to put on a new condom.

Breaking during oral sex use? That's even more unusual than breaks during intercourse, but if it's happening, we've got one word for you: teeth. You've got'em, and they're sharper than you think (just ask your lunch). If condoms are breaking during oral sex, and they were put on properly, stored properly, and are within the expiry date, teeth are probably the issue here. Remember that during oral sex, you've got to watch those little sharpies, both for a partner's comfort, but also when using condoms.

While we're talking about teeth, don't forget that they're not what you want to use to open a condom. That can easily rip or tear the condom. You want to use your hands to open a condom, not your mouth.

Practice makes perfect. So does patience. If you're racing around in a big hurry to put a condom on, it's a lot easier to make mistakes. And when everyone is turned on, they can be a lot tougher to notice. So, if you aren't already an expert with putting condoms on -- whether you're the person who wears them or not -- practice. If you are the person wearing them, practice during masturbation, where you don't have the pressures we can all feel when there's a partner there. If you aren't the person wearing them, get some condoms and find something suitable to practice on: the age-old banana is always an option, and one of our users today said she practiced using a deodorant can.

Remember that it's ideal for everyone involved with condom use to know the right way to use them and how to put them on. Not only can putting them on for a partner make condoms feel like part of sexual activity, rather than an interruption, we all have different levels of experience and skill with condoms, as well as different levels of condom education. So, if both people know how, and one person is doing something wrong, rather than finding out the hard way, the other person can easily make a correction so condoms work as well as you want them to, every time.

Don't forget about the female condom! If no matter what you do, male condoms (and we know, this female/male language doesn't make a lot of sense, and certainly isn't very inclusive, but it's what they're called right now) don't seem to work out for you, try a female condom to see if that works better. Female condoms are non-latex, and far roomier at the base and through the shaft than male condoms are, and they can also be inserted well in advance of intercourse to help you avoid game-time fumbles. As well, if you or a partner prefer not to withdraw soon after intercourse, that's okay with female condoms in a way it isn't with male condoms, which are more likely to break or slip off when withdrawal doesn't happen soon, or if intercourse is something you continue after ejaculation. Female condoms can be a bit tougher to find, so if you want to try them and are having a hard time finding them, check in with your local sexual health or family planning clinic.

Have questions or want someone to walk you through all the steps of proper condom use so you can be sure you're doing it right? We've got your back: come on over to the message boards, or use our text service. We're happy to talk with you one-on-one.

P.S. We just got a helpful addition to this list from Scarleteen reader and peer sex educator Katarina Albrecht. She said, "Another important point: Do NOT poke your finger carelessly into the tip to correct the direction for rolling them off! We teach people to blow into the tip to change the direction or be reeeally careful with their nails. We've been seeing so. many. girls (and boys) do this with their long, sharp, nicely manicured fingernails." Thanks, Katarina!