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obligation

He gets oral sex from me: what can I do to get him to give me some?

starriestknight asks:

I'm 19 and have been with my boyfriend (also 19) for a little over two years. In the last year, our relationship has progressed sexually (but both of us have decided not to have intercourse). A few months ago, he performed oral sex on me. I'd given him blowjobs before and he asked if he could reciprocate. Afterward, though, he was really quiet. I got the nerve to him about it. He admitted he didn't like it. A few months passed, and we decided to try it again, to see if his opinion changed at all. Again, he said it wasn't his cup of tea. We decided it was best not to discuss it anymore because it wasn't working out.

I appreciate he at least tried to make an effort to reciprocate, because he said he felt bad for taking more than he gave, and I know he feels really bad he doesn't like it. But at the same time, he still won't do it. It's frustrating for me because I loved the feeling of it and I haven't been fully satisfied with him just fingering me. How do I bring this up after like months without making it sound like I'm upset with him or guilting him into giving me oral sex again? Other than this, we have a very healthy relationship. I love him a lot and he loves me too.

I survived sexual assault, then got stuck in a relationship I don't feel good about.

antigone68 asks:

I’m a woman in my early twenties and identify as a feminist. Last November I was raped by someone I had previously considered to be a close friend. However, the assault itself isn’t what I am writing about. I’ve read many of Scarleteen’s wonderful articles on sexual assault and I am quite comfortable with the idea that what happened to me isn’t my fault.

Shortly after the assault, I started up a relationship with a man (which includes sex). I realise that it’s not ideal to start a sexual relationship soon after experiencing sexual assault. I don’t regret entering into the relationship, though, as it has (overall) made me very happy and has provided me with support to deal with my assault. My partner knows about my sexual assault.

A few months into the relationship, my desire for sex (intercourse) started to drop.

Letting Go of the Wrong Stuff to Get a Hold on the Right Stuff

Kyra asks:

I am 22 years old and have been with my one and only boyfriend for over 2 1/2 years now. I love him very much and we get along well, but our sexual life has always had problems. These are the main issues: 1) I cannot orgasm except through the use of a vibrator, 2) I'm often not interested in sex/don't really feel anything enjoyable from sex, and 3) I never initiate anything, which makes my boyfriend very frustrated. We've been having sex for about 2 years now, and these issues are as much of a problem as they were when we first started. Regarding the problem #1 (no orgasm except with vibrator), my boyfriend has tried everything. He will pleasure me for long periods of time, try to make me feel sexy, but NOTHING happens--I don't even come close to orgasming (in fact, I usually just get sore from the contact). I've tried to pleasure myself, but this is even worse--I hate the feeling of masturbating and don't derive any pleasure from it. When we discovered that I CAN orgasm via a vibrator, we were both thrilled; however, it usually takes me a good 15-25 minutes to orgasm from the vibrator (on the highest setting), and the orgasm usually lasts only a few seconds--it just feels like a lot of work for barely any result to me. Because I'm not interested in sex very often and I cannot orgasm via penetration or manual stimulation, my boyfriend believes I'm not sexually attracted to him and is quite upset. I don't know what to do and it is ruining our relationship. I am religious and come from a home schooled background where sex was not talked about much, and so I often feel awkward when my boyfriend tries to discuss it with me (and going to a sex therapist is out of the question).

What if I never want or feel ready for sex?

Anonymous asks:

Okay, well here is the thing: I'm a girl and I'm so afraid to be in a relationship for too long, because I think that I'm going to have to have sex. I know that my boyfriend right now wants it, but I really don't. He says he'll wait for me, but I'm still scared. I don't think that I will ever be ready to do it, and so I'm worried. What if I am NEVER ready?!

He doesn't feel any desire for sex, but I want a sexual relationship

Elizabeth asks:

My boyfriend and I are 22 and 21, respectively, and have been dating for two years. We recently moved into an apartment and now live together. We're committed to not having sex before marriage, but we've been doing other sexual things since we started dating.

When we first got together, he was somewhat interested in oral sex (me to him, but NOT him to me) and touching and stuff. That lasted for only a few months, and since about a year and a half ago he has lost all interest in it. We'll do stuff maybe once every other month, if I'm lucky. It keeps getting worse. He's never been a very sexual person, and never even kissed anyone before me. He doesn't even enjoy kissing because he says it's wet and messy (even though we only ever kiss closed-mouth).

The only thing he has ever been interested in is feet tickling, which I grew used to. But anymore, he doesn't even seem to get turned on by that. He claims to be turned off by not only kissing, but also breasts, porn, and even the mere thought of a vagina.

He only wants sex with me after watching pornography.

Maggie asks:

My question is my husband watches other girls get off on cam. I don't like it and he has been told but he still does it. He doesn't seem interested in me until after he has watched them. He pays no attention to me and when he is in the mood it's like after he's watched the other girls and I feel like I have to give it to him because I feel I have to. I guess it's fear of him going out and getting it from someone in person rather then me but I am tired of feeling like I have to and I'm tired of being put on the back burner. I need help as to what to do or how to deal with this.

He's new to sex, I'm not, and I think his values are killing our sex life.

Anonymous asks:

I am 21 years old, and have a two year old daughter so am obviously no stranger to sex. My new boyfriend, however, is a 22 year old complete virgin. We have tried to have sex on multiple occasions but once we really get ready to go for the gusto he goes limp. All the rest of the time he is extremely erect. He and I both can't understand why he continually can't stay hard even though we have tried every position and possibility in the book. I think it has something to do with the fact that he and I are both Christians, but I think his conviction about having sex before marriage is so heavy it wont allow him to stay hard. Please help!!! It's getting to the point where he wants to try almost every night and I am so tired of trying.

Am I Blue?

Kaitlynne asks:

I was wondering exactly what "blue-balls" meant for guys. My boyfriend mentioned it recently when he was complaining that I didn't go all the way when we were messing around. (I was touching him inside of his pants, but didn't give him a full-out hand job or oral, so he didn't "get off.") Although I understand the basic concept of painful internal pressure building up because of no outlet, what I was wondering was just how much of a problem this is: is it very likely to happen to him or not? There wouldn't be any more than an hour between arousal and an opportunity for him to jack off, and, to me, it doesn't seem like it would be much of an issue since he does so regularly, which, as for my understanding of the matter, would keep the pressure relatively low. I know it didn't happen to him that day, because I asked him a couple of days later, but now it's sort-of in the back of my mind when we're hanging out. Now I'm nervous about getting him turned on, because I feel pressured to do more than that. Its not like I have problems with giving him a hand/blow job, but I don't always want to, for various reasons, and now I feel awkward about doing anything at all if I'm not in the mood for doing something that would get him off. Thank you for your help!

I don't want to give him a handjob back: what do I do?

Anonymous asks:

I am in a bit of a pickle. I am ok with my boyfriend fingering me, but I never tell him to, or even elude to it. But I am uncomfortable with giving him hand jobs. I mean, we will be lying down on the couch, and he will just start sliding his hands down to unbutton my pants. I won't resist (unless I am on my period, or am not in a sexual mood) but feel awkward when he then wants me to give him a handjob. How do I tell him this, because even though I do enjoy him fingering me, and I think he likes it too, I don't want to give him hand jobs, and don't want our relationship to become one wayed...what do I do?

Waited until marriage... but sex isn't working out.

anonymous asks:

I feel a little weird asking this here because I'm 26 but I was waiting til marriage before sex so this is new to me, and everyone my age seems to have been having sex for years and I'm embarrased to talk about this stuff. This site has been a great resource for me so far - it has saved me so much embarassment of not knowing what's going on (especially embarrasing at my 'old' age!)

So I just got married about a month ago and have started having sex with my husband but it has been disappointingly unenjoyable. My expectations weren't super high because I know it takes awhile to get used to things. But before we were married we did other activities that I really enjoyed and I'd get turned on a lot. Now, however, those same things don't even turn me on anymore. From reading articles here I've realized that sex isn't going to be pleasant if I'm not turned on and it's not about me being 'too tight' or anything. My husband is making a lot of effort to be patient with me and to engage in a lot of foreplay, but it's not doing anything for me. I used to get really aroused by him stroking my nipples/clit areas, and he still is trying that beforehand. But I keep finding that I am not enjoying him touching me at all, and I just want him to stop. He tried oral sex too and I just did not like it, it felt so weird. I feel so horrible because he was so great about waiting til we were married (he has had sex before with his previous girlfriends) and I really want to share this with him now, and he is trying so hard but it's not doing anything. And I'm also really sad that I don't feel turned on because it felt so good and I don't want to have lost that! We are both frustrated, and I feel especially bad because he's had experience and I haven't, and he said he's never had issues like this with any other girls. Any advice as to how I can get more turned on, so that we can actually have sex? We've realized that we shouldn't attempt intercourse when I'm not getting into things, so I also tried pleasuring him in other ways but I'm finding that difficult too... it takes awhile and honestly my mouth/jaw get tired, and I'm worried about how to finish things (the spit/swallow debate). Right now I'm feeling like a terrible wife for not being able to pleasure my husband and also really missing the sexual pleasure I used to get. I don't regret waiting at all... but I'm impatient for things to improve and any advice would be hugely appreciated. Even just letting me know what's a normal amount of time that it takes for this to start being fun instead of stressful. Thanks!

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