intimacy

I'm just not interested anymore!

Sudden Prude asks:

Lately I am afraid of any sexual contact.

I'm in a wonderful relationship and have been with this same person for the past 4 years. We have been having sex for 2 years, and thus far it is always both extremely safe and mutually satisfying. We have never had a sexual encounter that felt unsafe, and we talk about sex really openly.

I have no idea why I suddenly am uninterested in sex. Mentally, I want to be intimate with him. However, for the past two weeks I have physically flinched whenever we try to do something. I am not experiencing any physical pain, I just get scared. I have not experienced any sexual assault or abuse in the past (to my recollection anyway) and I completely trust my partner.

What's wrong with me? How can I learn to feel comfortable being physical again?

The only factor that I can identify as a possible explanation is that recently I tried watching porn a few times. I found it satisfying, then eventually got weirded out by how offensive it can be and the way it makes sex seem very public. I like sex to remain within my relationship, and to be very private. I felt guilty after the porn thing, and maybe that's why I'm still freaking out, but I don't know. I don't have any conscious guilt about that anymore and don't have it on my mind when we attempt to have sex. I therefore doubt that this is the real reason for my recent fears, but cannot come up with any other possibility.

Any ideas?

What are some of the benefits of having sex?

Amy asks:

I hear a lot about the negative side of sex and bad things that could happen from having sex. What are some of the benefits of having sex? What are some of the positive outcomes that would/could result in having sex with my boyfriend?

Am I only able to have sex without emotions?

Peanut asks:

I have no reservations when I have casual sex. However when one of these flings turns into a relationship and things get serious I don't want to have sex with them anymore. It has happened with my last three boyfriends and has been the primary reason for my breakups. It feels like a normal relationship...we are best friends, we do almost everything together, I care about him tremendously, but I get scared when he wants to have sex. Why can I only have emotionally detached sex?

Lots of sex, but why a dry spell now?

brian asks:

Me and my girlfriend of 1-year used to have sex 4 to 6 times a week. But now she says she does not get in the mood and we usually only have sex like once a month. I ask her why she just says not horny anymore.

Be a Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

You can read everything from the Kama Sutra to The Joy of Sex, watch porn vids until your eyeballs fall out, have a ton of sexual experience or psychically channel Mata Hari or Casanova, but if you don’t know how to openly communicate with your partners -- with your words -- chances are neither you nor your partner are going to have really healthy, beneficial and satisfying sexual experiences, especially in the long-term. So, read up and start talking!

Why doesn't he like that I get wet?

chelcie asks:

Neither my boyfriend or I have engaged in sexual intercourse, with each other of someone else, but we do fool around quite a bit. We both perform oral sex on each other, but he says he doesn't like performing on me once I get wet. He tries his hardest to please me with his fingers but I think a full oral sexual experience would feel so much better. Why does he dislike this and how can we improve the experience for him?

Can sex be a way of saying I love you?

Selene asks:

My boyfriend and I are both virgins. We have talked about sex and decided we are ready for it. Can sex be a way of saying "I love you"? How? What makes it such?

Managing Vulnerability & Sexual Insecurity

Worried asks:

Hi I'm 15 years old (male) and I want to wait till I find someone I really like before I have sex, but I want them to be a virgin too. I'm worried that if I wait too long all the pretty girls will have had sex and I won't be good at it yet, I'm worried that if they've already had sex that I won't be good enough for them, what should I do?

Sex isn't appealing, but I want to be close to my partner.

think_positive_and_smile asks:

I'm 16 and have been with my boyriend, also 16, for 5 months. He has only ever fingered me as I don't really like the thought of other sexual activities too appealing but feel I am ready for sex as it is a way to be as physically close to him as I am emotionally.

My only problem is is that my opening is really tight and can fit about 2 fingers maximum-- sorry this sounds disgusting? His friends tell me about his "massive penis" and I'm scared he won't be able to fit it in. We have spoken about sex and both agreed that we want to do it, but now I'm just nervous that it won't go as I'd always expected it because I'm too tight? Please help.

He's ready, but I'm conflicted.

15horses asks:

My boyfriend thinks I should try masturbating before we have sex. It just doesn't feel right to me. I want to be with him and just have him hold me. It's not about just having an orgasm. I don't know how to make him understand this?

Also, my boyfriend wants to have sex. My body feels like it is ready but my brain is saying I should wait. Is 16 to young? I'm afraid he doesn't really love me. I want him to be committed, how should I tell him this?

Teens Want More Than Sex "Mechanics"

Submitted by Heather on Sun, 12/10/2006 - 00:00.

(Thanks for the AU link, Stephen.)

...a Federal Government-funded study revealed teenagers are crying out for better advice on sexual intimacy and relationships.

The groundbreaking study, funded by the Australian Research Council, shows that while an increasing number of youngsters are sexually active under the age of 16, they feel they receive little to no direction from parents or schools in the areas that matter most.