I'm 20 and have been with my partner for about two and a half years. We have a great relationship and are happy together. However, two years ago, when we first started sleeping together, I contracted genital herpes, even though we used condoms. I was a virgin before I slept with him so I knew it had come from him. I was angry and upset but he kept telling me he had tested clean at his last STI check and couldn't understand that he must have it. When we went to the GUM clinic (together) they confirmed that I had herpes but told me that they don't test for herpes unless there are symptoms present. Therefore when my boyfriend had his previous check-up (symptom free) he tested clean for everything they test for and then went on to sleep with me. My boyfriend was upset that I was blaming him and was tested again for everything they test for to prove to me he wasn't lying when he told me he was clean. He was negative for everything they tested him for....except like last time, they didn't test for Herpes and told him they didn't test for it unless there were symptoms, which there wasn't. He says he doesn't remember ever having symptoms hence why he's never had a physical check for it. I KNOW I didn't do anything wrong, and neither did my boyfriend, but I feel so bad about myself. I feel like I should have done something before we slept together, but I don't know what. I asked him to make sure he was clean: he did. We had no idea that they didn't do standard tests for herpes.
How do I stop feeling dirty and like I was irresponsible?
Could not cleaning myself a certain way after sex be causing my frequent urinary tract infections? What is the proper way to clean myself after sex (we use condoms and KY)?
I'm unclear on how condoms are supposed to be effective in preventing female-to-male contamination during "plain" sex, I mean insertion of the penis into the vagina. Let me explain.
Latex is an effective barrier to virii and germs. I get that. As far as protecting the woman is concerned, I've no trouble believing it works. The STD virii or germs are present in the semen and/or pre-cum; these are "emprisoned" by the condom, don't get out, and don't get into contact with any part of the anatomy of the woman. She's protected. The sweat of the man does not contain these virii or germs and thus no risk with the rest of the skin-to-skin contact. But in the other direction, I don't quite get it.
I've been reading Scarleteen since I was at least 16, and the vital knowledge has kept me safe thus far... UNFORTUNATELY after getting through high school and college completely unscathed and mostly responsible, I finally dropped my guard for a nice, geeky, Christian boy who'd never kissed a girl EVER. And now I have oral herpes. I'm pissed. Really, really pissed. One day he greeted me with a kiss and when he pulled back I noticed his lips were a bit on the gross side. When he said, "Oh, I just have a cold sore," I completely freaked. Apparently his whole family caught it from his parents and they never made it clear to them that A) Cold sores/Fever blisters ARE Herpes and B) they can be spread to others. They act like it's completely normal. The last time I went to his house I saw a BULK sized bottle of Lysine on the kitchen sink. When my boyfriend asked his mom about why they never warned him, she replied that I was simply overreacting and that I should get over it.
I want to know how I can get through this without hating him and his generally very nice family. He's a great guy, and he didn't do it on purpose (I've never met anyone who has), but I'm just so pissed at him and at myself. I feel dirty, ashamed, and like I should have known better.
Thanks,
Newly Blistered Sister
It's a very tough thing to lose touch with your own body.
A little over a year ago, I started to feel under the weather. My joints swelled and ached, my stomach and guts were constantly cramping and gurgling, and my body was generally a wreck. My doctor brushed off these symptoms, chalking them up to things such as stress, allergies, and even gout. I began to lose weight, and suffer malnutrition as a side effect of my other gastronomical symptoms.
I started a pack of combination birth control pills for the first time on the first day of my period as instructed and took it perfectly until the third week. In the third week, I was sick and that Wednesday about 20 minutes after taking my pill, I threw up. The following day, Thursday, I fell asleep very early (being sick) and missed the pill that night. (I usually take it at 8pm). I woke up at 11am on Friday and took the pill I missed and then took my usual pill at 8pm that night. I finished the pack and got my period. So I know I'm not pregnant right now and I was using condoms anyway.
Now my question: When I start my next pack of pills, am I protected? Was the danger period from missing pills just until my period? The pill pack says I should have thrown out the pack after the second pill missed and started another pack but I didn't do that. So again, when I start up my new pack of pills will I be protected or am I in danger of still ovulating? And how long does it take for the pill to digest in your system? Because the pack says if I only missed one pill I am fine. But I don't know if the pill I took before I threw up counts.
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