Hey. I'm 14 and I've never fingered myself. I've done other things, but the thought of fingering myself just seems gross. A couple times, I've tried to, but then I get to thinking about how gross vaginas are, and I chicken out. I know this is irrational, but do you have any advice on getting over this? Thanks.
I've been dating my current boyfriend for 5 months now, and I really am ready and willing to have sex. But, he's not. He wants to, and he's curious but he feels that he shouldn't? I don't know what to do, I don't understand why he's feeling this way about it. Is there something wrong with me? Something he's afraid to say? Or is he just really scared himself? Help!
My boyfriend and I have been going out for more a than a year now and we have grown extremely close. We use to have sex regularly and then he just kind of halted it. I want to have sex but he does not want to because of the potential of pregnancy. I suggest using condoms but he still refuses. Is there any way I can convince him to have sex again or will it seem like I am desperate? Please help!
I want to focus this entry on the second of the optional questions in the demographics survey. Of the 2,000 participants who completed the survey, this question was answered by 1,530. The question was this: Since using Scarleteen, which of any of the following has changed for you, and by how much?
We saw a couple comments at the end of the survey, from statistics-focused folks, concerned that our aim was to state that whatever improvements users reported were solely because of Scarleteen. That was never the intent.
The intent in asking this questions was primarily to get a picture of what, if any, improvements relevant to what we address here our users were experiencing which may have been due to using our services or may not have been. What we most wanted to see was not the areas where we may have done a good job or where our users already felt things were going very well for them, but areas where it would seem sound to say we currently are not having the impact we'd like to with positive changes. In other words, this question seemed likely to be most useful in identifying our potential weak spots, rather than our strengths, and could give us a clearer sense on how and where we should look most to improve our content and approaches.
We also figured we couldn't expect many users to be able to identity if positive changes or a lack thereof had to do with their use of Scarleteen or not, or, if it did, only had to do with using Scarleteen. We do hear from users in direct services, in email, and did from some in comments to this survey, about how they feel Scarleteen plays or has played a part in improving certain areas of their lives. Some of the answers to this question were, indeed, reflective of some of the positive feedback we get.
At the same time, some of these changes tend to happen for some people as they move through adolescence and into adulthood, regardless. So, in the interest of intellectual honesty, as well as supporting young people's agency, we've framed this the way we did and are now because while we feel it's fair to figure that Scarleteen may have had some of the impact reflected in the answers, as these are issues we work on with and for users, but we also don't feel it is sound for us to claim a given level of authoritative ownership or influence with those changes with a survey like this.
I personally feel some the more illuminating answers, the answers most useful to us as an organization always aiming to improve how we serve our readers and users, and always needing to identify where we could do better or need to work harder, were the ones where a good deal of positive change was not reported. Some of those answers were surprising to me and to the volunteers as well: without that feedback, our awareness of these possible weaknesses would have been much more limited. (Thanks, survey participants!)
Here's that data in text, with the highest percentage of answers to each question bolded:
My relationships have improved (1,452 answers): No change, 10.4%, a little, 10.9%, some, 21.0% (305), a lot, 15.4% (223), not applicable, 42.4%. Comments reflected that many of the users answering either are not in relationships or feel their relationships are already of high quality.
I feel more able to make and respect my own best sexual choices: No change, 3.6%, a little, 9.5%, some, 22.5%, a lot, 42.8%, not applicable, 21.6%.
I practice safer sex more or more consistently: No change, 9.7%, a little, 4.7%, some, 11.1%, a lot 19.7%, not applicable, 54.8%. Again, some of this is was spoken about in comments regarding not being in relationships, or safer sex seeming to be something participants were already excellent at. However, given that we know from other data sources and one-on-one conversations with users that many people have incorrect ideas about what safer sex is and how to do it properly, and given some of the answers below reflect a good amount of respondents not doing part of safer sex at all, this answer still concerns me.
I use birth control more or more consistently: No change, 13.1%, a little, 3.3%, some, 7.4%, a lot, 17.3%, not applicable, 58.8%. See above, though also bear in mind that around half of our users are not heterosexual and many have no need for contraception when they are sexually active.
I have sought out sexual healthcare: No change, 18.7%, a little, 6.3%, some, 11.3%, a lot, 16.8%, not applicable, 46.9% . Again, some of N/A being the highest answer here is about users who have not yet had life or health experiences that facilitate a need for that care. At the same time, this is an area where we have often experiences many users clearly in need of that care who avoid it, so, this set of answers is a concern.
I have been able to ask a sexual partner to get tested: No change, 20.5%, a little, 4.2%, some, 5.2%, a lot, 9.9%, not applicable, 60.2%. While yet again, some of this may be because there has not been a partner to ask, we do often experience users who feel they don't have to ask or feel testing isn't needed when it is, so this answer also raises concern.
I have gotten tested for STIs more often (or for the first time): No change, 22.5%, a little, 3.6%, some, 6.9%, a lot, 10.6%, not applicable, 56.5%. See above.
I feel more able to set sexual limits and boundaries: No change, 7.3%, a little, 11.0%, some, 18.9%, a lot, 33.0%, not applicable, 29.8%.
I feel more comfortable talking/communicating about sex:, No change, 6.0%, a little, 9.5%, some, 19.4%, a lot, 42.2%, not applicable, 22.9%.
I have worked harder to be sure I have a partner's consent with anything sexual:, No change, 9.6%, a little, 5.4%, some, 12.4%, a lot, 25.8%, not applicable, 46.8%. Again, some of this is likely about a lack of relationships. At the same time, this answer is a concern because we find many people's ideas of when consent is needed and what doing consent well entails are often problematic or one-sided.
My confidence/assertiveness has improved:, No change, 9.8%, a little, 14.3%, some, 21.9%, a lot, 29.8%, not applicable, 24.2%.
I feel better about my sexual identity:, No change, 7.9%, a little, 9.8%, some, 19.1%, a lot, 34.7%, not applicable, 28.5%.
I feel better about my body:, No change, 10.8%, a little, 13.5%, some, 20.7%, a lot, 29.5%, not applicable, 25.5%
I have come out (w/orientation or gender identity):, No change, 17.8%, a little, 6.6%, some, 6.1%, a lot, 8.2%, not applicable, 61.3%.
I feel stronger in healing from sexual abuse or assault:, No change, 11.5%, a little, 4.0%, some, 6.1%, a lot, 8.2%, not applicable, 70.2%. While we see a high number of users who have survived sexual abuse or assault coming to us for information, help and support, the majority of our users have not been sexually abused or assaulted.
I have recognized areas in my life/relationships I could improve/ where I want to make positive changes:, No change, 8.6%, a little, 12.3%, some, 9.2%, a lot, 29.0%, not applicable, 30.9%.
If in school, my grades have improved:, No change, 22.9%, a little, 5.2%, some, 7.2%, a lot, 6.3%, not applicable, 58.4% While many of our users are still in school, our general sense is that the majority tend to already be very high-achieving.
Here's a taste of some of the comments (including a couple which support why automatically associating positive changes to use of Scarleteen would have been problematic):
So, where do we think either we're probably doing a good job for our users, or where are they are experiencing improvements already? With self-confidence issues, healthy relationships, body image and awareness, empowerment around making one's own best sexual choices, sexual communication, and sexual or gender identity. This is all great news for our users, whatever role we have played in these outcomes. We intend to keep building on these positives with our content and current approach.
Where do we think we need to work harder, rethink approaches and start trying some new ones, or create more content that addresses certain needs? While we've a great deal of content on safer sex, testing and contraception already, it seems we could stand to have more, and to try some new approaches in those departments. In those areas, it seems like we also need to be doing more to help users feel confident communicating with partners about these express issues, such as by asking for or about STI testing with partners. We've already launched the Find-a-Doc database to help users with access issues that present barriers to them in getting sexual healthcare, but we can certainly pair that with more content about why and how to seek out that care, and how to feel better about utilizing it. We already have a good deal of content on consent, but only one piece that focuses solely on consent, and it seems creating some more content to support it could benefit our users.
The really good news is that if the positives have to do at all with what we do, then we already have some excellent foundation to build on when it comes to working on what we can do to help current users improve their lives in those other areas, where positive change was less reported. For those where a lot of those things were N/A, we also have the opportunity to expand and improve our content and approach before they get to a point in their lives where these issues are something they need to address and deal with. Our goal for those users is to work on those improvements to prepare them well for those issues if and when they do become personally relevant to them.
As with the previous set of data, we're very open to your feelings, thoughts and ideas around these findings. Stay tuned for the last bit of information we have from this survey, from the general comments section, and then my overall perceptions and thoughts about the study findings, including some intersections of the data I think are important to look at.
Every day, around 20,000 to 30,000 people come to Scarleteen online. We already know some basics about who our users are via backend site logs, Alexa, Google Analytics, the direct ways we engage with users daily and some demographics from years ago. This summer, we created a new demographics survey as part of a potential partnership with a fellow organization, and to get an additional, fresh source of information for ourselves.
Many of users mentioned they'd be curious about the survey results, one reason why we're sharing them with you here. Our supporters and potential supporters also often ask us about who our users are. In addition, we wanted to see these results too, to help us keep doing the best job we can. I'd like to share, then talk about some of the results with that aim.
We decided to limit our survey to 2,000 participants who completed it, a number that was manageable but also statistically significant. So, we cut the survey off once we had that number. We recruited for the survey by posting a link to it on our website, including at our message boards, as well as via our social media networks on Facebook and Twitter. The vast majority of participants came to the survey via the link to it on internal pages of the main website. We used SurveyMonkey to collect and compile the data.
There's a lot to look at and talk about, so I'm going to share this information in three or four posts. Today I'll fill you in on some of the most basic demographics from the survey, all of which required answers and the first set of answers from the section where answering was optional for participants. Next, I'll do two more posts with the remaining information that was optional, including some of the comments from participants. Last, I'd like to talk a little bit about what some of the findings of the survey suggest to me, how we intend to respond to them and get some user and community feedback on that as well. If anyone wants to start discussing any of this in the comments here before then, I'd be happy to do that with you.
I'm also including some links to on-site polls which are similar or relevant to some of the data, in case a comparison is of interest.
In the survey, users in the United states and all others outside the US answered separately, with 65% of respondents coming from the US, and 35% from other nations (a number of US readers about 20% higher than our logs and other analytics typically reflect). Here, all the answers have been combined and averaged, both for ease and because the answers did not differ significantly between US users and those outside the US.
Age: The vast majority of our readers (79%) are under age 24; most are between the ages of 16 and 21 (53%). 13% are aged 13-15, 32% are 16-18, 21% are 19-21, 13% are 22-24, 11% and 25-30 and 10% are over 30.
Area: Scarleteen users are primarily urban and suburban. 40% of those surveyed live in urban areas, 38% in suburban areas, 13% in rural areas, and 9% are unsure what type of area they live in. (We did not ask about economic status because so many of our users do not know what their yearly family income is, and do not want to disclose to their families they they are utilizing a sex education service.)
Sex and Gender: We differentiated between sex and gender in this survey, asking what sex users were assigned at birth, and, separately, what their gender identity is. We did this this way for several reasons: gender tends to be far more relevant to us in serving users well than sex, we do not address sex and gender as the same as an organization, and we also already knew we have a substantial number of users whose assigned sex differs from their gender.
In addition, when asking about gender identity, we had fields for men/boy and women/girl and trans/trans gender, and assumed that some trans users would choose one of the former two fields rather than the trans field. We did this because we know that some prefer to identify specifically as trans, while others prefer not to identify specifically as trans, instead identifying their gender in the ways cis gender people most often do. This also had to do, again, with what is most relevant to us as an organization, which is how our users identify their gender, rather than how and if their gender matches the sex they were assigned at birth.
86% of participants were assigned female sex at birth, 13% male sex, and around 1% reported an intersex assignment, did not know what sex they were assigned at birth, were not assigned a sex at birth to their knowledge or preferred not to answer the question.
80% stated they identify their gender as women or girls, 12% as men or boys, 4% as genderqueer, gender-variant or agender, 1% as questioning, 1% as trans or trans gender, and 1% stated they identified their gender in some other way than the fields above (with some identifying a sexual orientation as a gender identity, either because they misunderstood the question or because that also is or is part of their gender identity). Less than 1% preferred not to answer.
The other field for gender included answers such as "transfabulous and genderplayful," "gender abolitionist," "Strong female. I decide what that means day by day," "A man who is happy in a woman's body," "not a girl," "bigender," "femme," "butch," "Teddy Bear (masculine-leaning genderqueer)," and "boygirl."
Related poll: When it comes to my gender, I:
Sexual orientation: Scarleteen readers represent a highly diverse spectrum of sexual orientation. When asked what word respondents "use, or best describes, sexual orientation (who you are sexually/romantically attracted to, if anyone, based on gender)," 52% answered straight or heterosexual, 19% bisexual or pansexual, 8% stated they chose not to use any words or terms to identify their sexual orientation, 5% answered queer, 5% answered questioning, 3% answered lesbian, 3% answered asexual, 2% answered gay, and 3% stated they identified their orientation with words or phrases not included in the fields given. 1% preferred not to answer the question.
The answers to the "other" field were most typically combinations of some of the above terms or the above terms combined with other aspects of sexual identity (like polyamory or monogamy, BDSM, celibacy, fantasy, the desire or lack of desire for romantic relationships, attraction based on age, etc.).
Related poll: When it comes to my sexual orientation, I think I am:
Ethnicity or race: A majority of responses were from white users. 68% identified as Caucasian, European or White, 8% as Asian, 4% as African, African-American or Black, 4% as Hispanic, Latino/a, Mexican or Mexican-American, 8% as Biracial/bicultural or multiracial/multicultural, and less than 1% as American Indian/Native American, First Nations or Alaskan Native, Arab or Arab-American or Pacific Islander. 3% chose other, and these most often were answers reporting a bicultural or mutlicultural race or ethnicity, reporting a religion as a race/ethnicity, stating a national identity as a race or ethnicity (such as Irish, French or American), specifying a South Asian ethnicity, or an AU/NZ aboriginal ethnicity. 4% preferred not to answer the question.
Education: Most of our users are in or have completed K-12 education or college/university. Less than 1% reported never attending any type of schooling, 2% reported their highest level of education as K-12 education via homeschool or another setting, 41% reported K-12 in traditional school settings, 12% reported 2-year college, vocational school or other higher education, 25% reported 4-year college, vocational school or other higher education, 6% reported some graduate school, 8% have completed graduate school, and 5% chose other (most of the these answers involved GEDs, alternative education or were responses which referenced/were included in the above categories).
How did users first find Scarleteen? The vast majority of users (77%) found Scarleteen online, via a search engine or a link on another website. 40% report they first found us via a search engine, 37% via a direct link on another website, 6% were referred by a friend or romantic/sexual partner, 2% via a sex education class, group or independent sex or health educator, 2% via a book or magazine, 1% through a teacher, coach or other mentor, less than 1% by a parent or guardian, less than 1% by a healthcare provider, and 5% found Scarleteen some other way. 7% don't remember.
The other responses included links to websites (so should have been included via that field instead), listed books (so, again, should have been included under books), podcasts including those of Dan Savage, Susie Bright and Amanda Palmer, radio, sex education text services, and "my awesome lesbian cousin."
What are users' favorite parts of Scarleteen as a website and an organization? Participants were able to choose more than one answer in this segment. The majority report that the articles (80%) and advice column (62%) are their favorite part of Scarleteen. The message boards are a favorite for 24%, the blog for 19%, the polls for 15%, the text service for 4%, the resource listings for other sites, agencies and services for 13%, and the new Find-a-Doc database for 6%. 9% list our facebook page as a favorite and 5% list our twitter accounts, @Scarleteen and @STSpeaks. 46% say that the parts of our website written by staff and other experts are a favorite, and 28% say first-person content written by young people is.
What have users used Scarleteen for? Respondents were able to choose more than one answer in this segment. 53% said they used it to "find sexuality or relationships information or approaches I couldn't find anywhere else."
23% have used Scarleteen to "talk with others about sex or sexuality in a safe space," 21% to get emotional support, and 20% used it to get help or information when in a crisis. 24% have used us to find help or information for someone else, and 13% to give emotional support to others. 47% have used Scarleteen to find out about sex education in general, 16% to get ideas for activism, and 10% for research.
44% used Scarleteen to "fact-check information I heard/read somewhere else," 32% to get information a sexual healthcare provider/doctor didn't give them, and 3% to get a referral for in-person help or services.
Nearly equal numbers of respondents stated that they were using Scarleteen to find out about sexuality and relationships for the future (50%) as those who stated they were using it to get information for current relationships and situations (52%).
When given an open field to list other things they may have used Scarleteen for, the most common answer was getting information as a partner, guardian, teacher or healthcare provider to share with a young person.
Related poll: Which of the following did your sex ed in school (before any college) and/or at home include:
The following data is the first part of a section of the survey that was completely optional. Just over 1,500 respondents answered these questions. They were allowed to choose multiple answers. We asked these questions because we wanted a more well-rounded sense of some of the life experiences our users have or have not had, particularly those pertaining to sexuality and relationships, or which we know have an impact on sexuality and relationships:
Have you ever:
Related polls:
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