I am from a country where dating is taboo. I was not in a relationship till my early twenties. The following may be hard to understand but I need to talk about it and know why I let this happen to me. It was my first relationship and I had little idea what to expect. Things were fine till my bf learned another man was interested in me and I might be interested in him too. That was the first time he told me he loved me and wanted to marry me. A torrent of emotional abuse followed. He started to tell me things like I was fat (I was not...I was 5'3 and 113 pounds) and not as pretty as his exes. He tried to tell me what to do with my life and how I was not that intelligent. I tried to break up but he wouldn't let me.
This may get a bit vivid. Be warned. I have a twisted sexual history. After being molested at age 5 and again at 14 I somehow allowed myself to get taken advantage of and used in regards to sex. It took me many years to heal and much pain to get to where I am now and I can have a healthy sexual experience with my current boyfriend. I stayed at his house when he was renting a room out of a bachelors pad and I understood and accepted that Playboy magazines were on every toilet and the toilet seats were always up. One day he came to the kitchen with a boner kissing on me and whatnot, a short while after I went up to the bathroom where he had been showering and found a Playboy open. Are you kidding me? How dare he have the audacity to come to me with a boner he got from a slut in a magazine? It was talked about and made clear I am not comfortable with that whatsoever, he should be loyal to me mind body and soul, and I should be enough for him; as it is likewise.
It's been months since then. I found some porn videos on his phone yesterday and it really repulsed me. I get dressed up for him, I go down on him, I put out frequently. We do get kinky. Now the reason this video offended me so much is I do let him [ejaculate] on my [breasts]: its a thrill for him. In this porn video there's a girl who looks like me, disturbing enough as is, and shes giving a guy a blowjob till he [ejaculates] on her [breasts], then she turns to the next guy and does it again. Screen changes and she's [having intercourse] from behind and he [ejaculates] in her, then she crawls forward and starts giving another guy head as yet another comes up to [have sex with her] from behind as well. TOO FAR. It's not your basic porn scene, and it bothers me that its a twisted repulsive obscene image of something him and I share intimately. We've just moved in together and I can't imagine ever letting him see me naked again. I feel like he twisted our passionate and beautiful sex into some perverted expression of his twisted fantasies.
I'm a girl and I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. I'm 18 and he's my first boyfriend. We've never had sex (he has had it before) but we've done other things. I have a problem though, I'm really scared to orgasm. Like we'll be doing something that feels so good and I know that if we just continued a bit longer I would get there (I feel the muscles contracting, the heart pumping, the intensity building and all that) but then I chicken out and make him stop. He's fine with it and very supportive and respects that I'm so scared, but it bothers me. Why can't I just let myself get there? It's the same deal if I um, "pleasure myself." Is there any way I can or he can help myself get over this fear of the unknown?
My mom was a victim of incest as a girl and has used it to invalidate my emotions. I blame the incest, not my mom, but it still hurts. But I can't help but feel like I, as a man, am dirty to be sexual. I can't draw a line in my head between good sex and bad sex. I am a virgin because when I get close to sex, the girl will start reminding me of my mom or my sister. I'm afraid if I don't lose my virginity soon I will develop a sexual frustration that will eventually cause me to hurt someone. I know that I'm just a troubled, caring guy. But I can't help but hate myself sexually. I don't know what to do.
I'm a 32 year old woman being driven up the wall by my fiance always telling me he can tell I'm playing with my toys when he's at work because I'm loose that day. I swear to him up and down that I haven't and even tell him the last time that I have done something like that. But he doesn't want to hear it. He always says I'm lying about it all. Why somedays is my vagina tighter than another day? Is there a position during sex that would make my vagina tighter? I already do those "pee exercises." Please HELP!!! I'm sick of being accused of something I'm not even doing.
This guest post from Arvan at SexGenderBody is part of a blog carnival to raise awareness and funding for Scarleteen.
In terms of group politics - there are large groups of people who are fighting to prevent you from learning any facts about sex. Facts that can effect your health, income, present, future, career, happiness, ability to have or enjoy sex, choice of sex partners and even the ability to have sex.
People get elected using by using sex to scare voters - queer sex, teen sex, unmarried sex, kinky sex, fun sex, sex of any kind. Cultural practices and commonly held beliefs about sex punish or shame people for even discussing sex, much less teaching it to a classroom.
Organized religions and self-appointed 'holy men' claim to speak for their god in calling sex a sin. Sex is a fact of mammalian evolution and humans are mammals. That undisputable, proven fact is a direct challenge to the notion of sin and therefore a challenge to any religious or secular institution that believes that sex is a sin.
In the arena of personal politics - young people are dependent upon those who come before us to offer up the knowledge of previous generations - or they can withhold it. As teens we struggle with asking the adults in our lives for information, guidance and the benefit of their experience on one hand, while on the other hand - we wish to assert our own judgment and choices.
What you are told about sex is a political act.
People who may or may not have your interests in mind spend a lot of time shaping the information you receive about sex because they want you to make decisions that favor them or their world view. What is best for them may not be what is best for you. The only way for you to make an informed decision is for you to have facts.
Who opposes sex education? Who gains from opposing it?
Over $1.5 billion of taxpayer money was spent during the eight years of George W. Bush to put money into mostly religious organizations to provide "Abstinence Only". It has been proven to be not only ineffective but completely unhelpul at reducing teen pregnancy, transmission of STDs, delaying of intercourse or any of its claimed benefits. The Guttmacher Institute shows that a rise in teen pregnancy and teen abortion accompanied the national shift from comprehensive sex education toward abstinence only.
People make money by fighting sex education. People make a lot of money claiming that sex is a sin and pretending that abstinence is a substitute for knowledge. They spend a lot of money to keep you uninformed. And they play for keeps.
So, ask yourself why someone is hiding facts from you? What do they gain and what do you stand to lose? The answer is: your life.
What are the results of no sex education?
There are the standard considerations: teen pregnancy, STI's, poverty, career, family, maturity, education and health. Each of them is important and will no doubt be discussed by others in this blog carnival.
Equally as important, is the impact it has on your ability to choose your own life and to also choose the terms by which you identify and are recognized as by others. Will you choose the terms of your own life based on your decisions or will your life be dictated by people you have never met for reasons known only to them and made without consulting you?
Who you will become is determined by what you learn about your body.
"I don't think about politics" - but politics is thinking about you.
People are working to decide and limit who you are now, who you can be and what you can do about it. You may trust that it's not worth worrying about and that you will be fine. Your life is at stake, whether you think about it or not. Yours, your lovers' and possibly your children.
Knowledge is power. The power over one's own life, one's own identity and body are at the core of basic rights due to each and every one of us.
Do you want to make decisions about your body, your sexuality and your gender based on facts and your values - or would you rather take advice from someone that formed their views of sexuality when segregation was legal and women were told to stay home, bake cookies and clean the house? Or, even an Abstinence Clown?
Someone has to teach those who have yet to learn.
That's where Scarleteen comes in. Scarleteen has been the premier online sexuality resource for young people worldwide since 1998, and has the longest tenure of any sex education resource expressly for young people online. We have consistently provided free, inclusive, comprehensive and positive sex education, information and one-on-one support to millions, and have never shied away from discussing sexuality as more than merely posing potential risks, but as posing potential benefits, something rarely seen in young adult sex education. We built the online model for teen and young adult sex education and have never stopped working hard to sustain, refine and expand it.
What you might not know is that Scarleteen is the highest ranked online young adult sexuality resource but also the least funded and that the youth who need us most are also the least able to donate. You might not know that we have done all we have with a budget typically lower than the median annual household income in the U.S. You might not know we have provided the services we have to millions without any federal, state or local funding and that we are and have always been fully independent media which depends on public support to survive and grow.
Scarleteen has some bills and we're asking for help in paying them. They do a great job and have made the crucial difference in the lives of many people over the years.
If you would like to learn more about Scarleteen, you can visit their about page. If you would like to find out how to support them, please visit the donations page and give whatever you can.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 months. We had sex after the 1st month because we felt that special connection with each other. Ever since the first time with him, I keep wanting more. I think I'm addicted to sex with him. That is all I think about constantly. He is the same way but for my sake (he doesn't want to be a father yet, if you get what I mean) he tries to control himself as much as possible. He can't always though. To be safe I've asked him to buy condoms but since we both realized we are doing it too much, he says we aren't going to do it anyway so why have them. Well then he comes over and we wind up doing it without a condom. It was a close call one time where he almost ejaculated inside of me, but pulled it out just in time. Do you have any suggestions on how we can overcome out sex addiction and try and be safer? I'm not allowed to go on the pill and my boyfriend and I have a lot of time to be alone together. We are just teenagers. Thank you for the advice.
I am in an extremely confused state right now. I'm almost in the state of breaking down too and I just cannot accept the irresponsible fact that my boyfriend has raped a family member and a girlfriend's sister before who were both kids. It happened two years ago. He told me with all out honesty yesterday about it all since he didn't want to hide it from me as I am his girlfriend. He said that he is an overall changed person now...and he was really terrible to ever thought of doing such things, it was mainly because of his uncontrollably strong sexual desire and that it was harder to find a girlfriend at that time. He promised it will never happen again and he repented. I am very disappointed and terribly upset about this incident. But I weighed the good and bad sides of the problem. To me, it is beyond wrong to do such a thing and unacceptable to me. He also lost his virginity in that way and though guys are less skeptical about their virginity, I really didn't like him losing it that way. But there's nothing I can do about it now...what's lost is lost. On the other hand, he has every right to be forgiven too. This not only happened in the past, there was nothing of that sort after that and at the present moment. If he had repeated it, I wouldn't be so tolerant. He also chose to tell me the honest full truth even though he knows I was gonna be terrified. Furthermore, we are already planning a future together and we love each other very much. What should I do? Should I move forward, focus on us now and the future as well as forgive his past mistakes...or stop being with him? I really need some good advice.
Why do I have hormones, and why do they make me give into temptation?