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consent

Sex as punishment?

Anonymous asks:

My husband and I have sex a lot...well it used to be more before I got pregnant with our daughter. Anyways, he has pushed for anal sex-which hurts so much-and the second time I let him go ahead and do it I was crying so much afterwards that he said he'd never ask again...but he has, and when I say no he pushes. I feel like he's punishing me for having cheated on last year...it's like by hurting me physically he's getting back at me for hurting him emotionally. Is that right? And is there any way I can make anal not hurt so much - lube doesn't help but so much.

To have sex or not to have sex: that's the question.

Eoin asks:

I appreciate your site, and have been reading as much of it (along with several other sources) as I can, and discussing topics with family and close friends and the information is very helpful. However, I still feel amazingly overwhelmed, confused and scared about sex and was hoping I could get some direct help.

I am a 17 year old virgin guy and have a 14 year old girlfriend, as well as (and I do hate myself for this) a would-be lover (my friend's girlfriend). I love and (I believe) am loved by both of them, although at our ages I think it is hard to tell sometimes (uncertainty about feelings, the drama vs. love that you have mentioned, "is it just a casual boyfriend/girlfriend thing", etc). Anyways, I have heard many different opinions about the first time especially in emotional and spiritual terms, and also have my own personal fears and complications.

First, I am worried because I am uncertain about sex being "such a big deal". Honestly I would hope that it is not and I think I may have been close-minded to that effect. Specifically among my concerns are some statements on your site (forgive me and correct if my paraphrasing compromises the intent):

I want it, she doesn't.

easywurie asks:

How will I be able to make love to my girlfriend, because we have talked about it but she didn't agree.
What should I do?

My GF was fingered by her ex without her consent; Is she still a virgin?

Anonymous asks:

Yeah, so I'm a guy and I actally need some info. Its probably pretty weird, but I really need some info on my gf. I am a religious person and very straight-edge; I abstain from pre-maritial sex and alcohol and whatnot. A while back my girlfriend told me that she had an ex-boyfriend that fingered her w/o her consent. She tried to give him a second chance, but he did it again, so she stayed away from him. She was too afraid to tell him that hat he did was not ok with her. She is very upright too and was crying and everthing else when telling me this. I have no knowledge about female sex stuff, but is she still a virgin? It really upsets her to talk about it, so I dont like doing it, but would she have felt the same way she did as if she were having sex? Does that mak her a virgin or not

I orgasm during massage: am I alone in that?

ali asks:

I have looked extensively across the internet and can't find an answer to my bizarre situation. Almost every time I have a massage I orgasm. It seems to happen the most when they work on the lower part of my back. It is often unpredictable, occurring when I least expect it and am not even aroused. It doesn't matter when my masseusse is male or female either, it just happens.

They aren't necessarily intense orgasms, rather mini ones, but I've sometimes had up to 4 or 5 during a massage.
It has never happened with a friend or partner massaging me either, nothing even close. What is so peculiar about it is that I do not achieve orgasm easily when it comes to oral sex or masturbation. It is achievable, but I have never in my life orgasmed during intercourse and have often had even the most dedicated partners wanna give up trying. I myself put this down to medications, anatomical design and most likely having a few sex issues so am mentally unable to let go.
Can you tell me if i am alone in this? It bothers me in that I almost feel guilty getting a massage as if I was paying for sex, but I really enjoy my massages, orgasm excluded. Thanks for any advice you may be able to offer.

How You Guys -- that's right, you GUYS -- Can Prevent Rape

Rape is often framed as about women, but it's not. Something done TO us really isn't about us. It's the things that we choose to do which are about us, which is why it's such an error for rape to be framed as a women's issue or about women: it's almost always a men's issue and really about men. Find out what men need to know about rape and rapists, what you can do to be sure you have consent with sex, other ways to help with rape prevention, and why your help is so important.

I have HPV, and I don't want him to know.

Gaby asks:

I got HPV from my last sexual partner. I was wondering if I went to donate blood would I still be able to? My new partner doesn't know I have this and I don't want him to find out. By donating blood and getting the results back will they be able to tell I have it?

Can you have sex with someone when they're asleep?

Anonymous asks:

I saw a porn movie the other day where this guy was doing his girlfriend while she was sleeping. Is that really possible?

Rape fantasy or domination and submission desires?

Nunya asks:

I am 24 and a sexually active woman. I have a fantasy that I have told no one about because its embarassing. I keep having fantasies about being held down and forced to have sex. It really turns me on too. Is this normal? (No I have never been raped or molested, so its not some pshychlogical thing comin out.) I want to ask my boyfriend to do a roleplay with me about forcing himself on me but I don't want him to think I am a psycho nutball. Would this be safe and healthy as long as we made up something, a codeword like "reindeer" or something so that if I got scared or it got to rough one of us could say the code word and we stop? Do other people have this fantasy or am I really a psycho nutball?

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