communication

Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

Thinking about partnered sex? Do yourself a favor and look through our checklist to get a good idea bout the readiness of you and your partner -- it's more complicated and demanding than many people think, and knowing what you need to get ready can help assure that your sexual experiences with a partner will be as great for both of you as possible.

Why do I feel like I want a baby right now?

Emily asks:

I'm 18 years old, going on 19 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years who is the same age. I lost my virginity to him and have never wanted any other person besides him. When we first started having sex, I was completely afraid of getting pregnant. I once thought I was pregnant and contemplated throwing myself down the stairs, though now I would never do such a thing. Now that we've been together for so long, and plan on being together for a long time to come, I've been having very strange thoughts.

I'll be in a store, and look at baby clothes or a book store and see baby books and think "Oh, it's baby stuff. I wish I had a little one of my own." Right now, my boyfriend and I live together, he goes to college and works part time and I just work. I have no clue what I want to do yet, so we decided to move and let him go to school since he had it all planned out.

Neither of us are reaching orgasm, but I need him to.

Frustrated asks:

I'm 17 and I have a boyfriend of 7 months, and we're both very much in love. We had sex 4 months ago and he didn't reach orgasm and I got the sense he was frustrated so we stopped trying until last weekend. We both really wanted it but the same situation happened where he didn't reach orgasm and I feel like it's my fault and that I'm just not hot enough for him. I never reach orgasm during sex but I always enjoy it and I want to have sex but the problem is I don't want to do it if he's not enjoying himself or feels frustrated and I also don't want to come off as though I want sex all the time because I'm his first girlfriend and he hadn't done anything sexual before me - not even kiss - whereas I was not a virgin upon entering the relationship, so I don't want to come off as if I'm a rushing things all the time. After all this, my question is: What can I do to make my boyfriend enjoy sex enough to orgasm? He has never finished during sex and I get the feeling he's frustrated with it and would rather I suck him off but I always want sex when we're fooling around and I love him so much I want us both to be able to pleasure each other at the same time.

Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models

What's a "boyfriend" or what's a "girlfriend?" It all depends on what you and yours decide it's going to mean and what works best for you.

We're abstinent, but we had anal sex and are scared to death.

Jmo asks:

My boyfriend and I are being abstinent until marriage. We only had sex once, we aren't doing it again and want to be renewed as being abstinent, and we are doing that with my cousin and her bf, because they quit after doing it for months, too.

There was only one incident that happened, that scares us both to death. I would never let him in my vagina because that would just ruin our relationship. We had anal sex. I was sitting on top of him, and the he pre-cummed in his pants. He wanted to just stick his penis in my butt, not my vagina, so he did and it hurt soooo badly. He said he cummed while I was on top. I'm not sure if he wasn't in my vagina, though, because I had a tampon in and when I went to the bathroom after all of this happened, I found the tampon all moved up inside my vagina. Then he cummed and took it out, and we stopped, and we both laid next to each other and he stuck his penis back in my butt again. He used lotion so it wouldn't hurt as bad, and it didn't go in far. After the second time lasted for a minute or two, we stopped and decided we should never do it again, because we weren't like that, being all "sexual." That happened on April 19, and it is April 29. We are both scared that I may be pregnant. I never eat a lot, but now I crave food a little more. We are just so scared to death. I never lost my virginity. I was just wondering if the second time he cummed, if it was in my real butt or not, because it felt different from a different position. I want to know if there is any risk at all that I might be pregnant. My period was the 16th-19th, and I really don't want to wait that long to see if I am or not, but I live with my nana and her new abusive husband would kick me out if I even had a pregnancy test so there is not really a good way to do that. I would just like to know all the information, if we should be worried or not, and anything you can tell us. Thank you so much!

Unsatisfying sex and transitioning to college in our relationship

tiegerrlillie asks:

My boyfriend and I recently started having sex, we were both virgins. Making love to each other is amazing because we are in love but for me, I can't feel anything. I know theres a million reasons that maybe he doesn't know what to do and stuff but I was hoping if there were any suggestions to help. We are also kind of worried because he goes away to college in a month and a half and he is basically on lock down there. We can barely see each other for the first year. On an emotional level we aren't afraid, but sexually, could not having sex be an issue? A discussion came of of "seeing other people" but no relationship wise, more like hooking up just to get the needs met but we wouldn't discuss anything with each other. Someone said it would help us and in the end we would want each other that much more. I know I love my boyfriend and I don't want anyone else but him but because we are still young and haven't experienced anyone else, would it be smart to try things with other people?

What if he wants to have sex in 2 months?

lkjafkldffjaskj asks:

I have heard people talking about how they have had sex with their boyfriends after just 2 months and it scares me to think that my boyfriend will want it that soon because I'm scared to have sex, not just because of the risks but of what he'll think and all that stuff. We have only been going out for a week and I am not thinking of having sex with him or receiving/giving oral but I'm just thinking about 2 to 3 months from now will he want it? He has told me he won't force me to do anything I'm not comfortable with and he's a really nice guy so I'm pretty sure he won't but his last girlfriend had sex with him after 3 months. Do you have any advice for me?

He won't do anything sexual that's about my body: what can I do?

Jessica asks:

My boyfriend does not satisfy me sexually. He only lasts about 10 minutes, he won't rub my clit because he doesn't want fluids on his hand and he won't eat me out because he thinks it's nasty, but he thinks that I should give him head. We have been together for 2 years and now it's really affecting me. What can I do?

I can't orgasm from intercourse and we can't stop fighting about it!

Jade asks:

I can never orgasm when having sex with my boyfriend. Not with vaginal, anyways. I only have a couple times and that's because we were doing other things. But it takes me a looooooooong time, and I think he just gets tired after awhile even though I know he tries. And then I get frustrated with MYSELF, and I know that upsets him cause he thinks I'm blaming him and he gets mad at me and we get in a fight. Ugh. I can orgasm fairly quickly when I do it myself? I don't get it. What's going on and how do I fix it?

He's new to sex, I'm not, and I think his values are killing our sex life.

Amber H. asks:

I am 21 years old, and have a two year old daughter so am obviously no stranger to sex. My new boyfriend, however, is a 22 year old complete virgin. We have tried to have sex on multiple occasions but once we really get ready to go for the gusto he goes limp. All the rest of the time he is extremely erect. He and I both can't understand why he continually can't stay hard even though we have tried every position and possibility in the book. I think it has something to do with the fact that he and I are both Christians, but I think his conviction about having sex before marriage is so heavy it wont allow him to stay hard. Please help!!! It's getting to the point where he wants to try almost every night and I am so tired of trying.

Is it racist to only feel attraction to my own race?

A. Rose asks:

A friend of mine told me I was a racist because I'm not attracted to people who aren't of the same race as me. I don't really know why this is, I'm just not attracted to them. My friends are from many different backgrounds so I don't think that I am a racist. Is it weird to only be attracted to people that are the same race as me?

Did my stepmother lie to me about my right to birth control?

Audrey asks:

I would appreciate a little light shed on my question, it puzzles me greatly. I asked a good while ago if I could start on Birth Control, and my father actually wouldn't mind, in fact, he supports it. My stepmother, on the other hand, doesn't seem comfortable with it. Despite the obvious discomfort, she said she'd call her doctor and see what she could do. Days later, she told me they won't take anyone under 18. This confused me. I know many teenagers on Birth Control. I hope she's not just saying that, although it wouldn't be the first time she did something rather similar to that. At first I got the feeling that she thought I would change if I was on the pill, like I was invincible and I could never get pregnant, so I can have sex whenever I want. The thing is, I'm not sexually active, I'm a virgin. I often get the feeling she thinks I'm a tramp. I would NEVER think in that fashion. So, my question to you, do you have to be a certain age to consult a doctor about Birth Control? And although I'm only 16, would that be my personal choice to take the pill? Or do they have a say in it until I'm a legal adult?

I'm just not interested anymore!

Sudden Prude asks:

Lately I am afraid of any sexual contact.

I'm in a wonderful relationship and have been with this same person for the past 4 years. We have been having sex for 2 years, and thus far it is always both extremely safe and mutually satisfying. We have never had a sexual encounter that felt unsafe, and we talk about sex really openly.

I have no idea why I suddenly am uninterested in sex. Mentally, I want to be intimate with him. However, for the past two weeks I have physically flinched whenever we try to do something. I am not experiencing any physical pain, I just get scared. I have not experienced any sexual assault or abuse in the past (to my recollection anyway) and I completely trust my partner.

What's wrong with me? How can I learn to feel comfortable being physical again?

The only factor that I can identify as a possible explanation is that recently I tried watching porn a few times. I found it satisfying, then eventually got weirded out by how offensive it can be and the way it makes sex seem very public. I like sex to remain within my relationship, and to be very private. I felt guilty after the porn thing, and maybe that's why I'm still freaking out, but I don't know. I don't have any conscious guilt about that anymore and don't have it on my mind when we attempt to have sex. I therefore doubt that this is the real reason for my recent fears, but cannot come up with any other possibility.

Any ideas?

Oral sex for him...but how?

Anonymous asks:

I'm 21 years old I've been sexually active since I can remember, and never was interested in getting or giving a blowjob. But now, I want to but don't know how to give oral sex in a way I know he will ejaculate. So I just open my mouth and then what?

Did you ... you know? Well, I don't know...

nena asks:

What exactly is the "G-spot," and do you just know when you find it? So my boyfriend fingers me but sometimes I'm not in the mood, so I ask him to stop. Afterwards he says, "Did you...you know?" I don't know what he meant by that, do you?