An Unfortunate Combination: Periods and Pants

Face it: so many young woman are self-conscious about their periods, or feel embarrassed talking about them. I won't say I hide in shame during that time of the month, but I'm hardly willing to shout out to the world that Auntie Flo is visiting, either.

But a conversation (and the incident that led to it) with my boyfriend of nearly a year about this very subject about a week ago turned out to be some major bonding material, not to mention a chance for me to disclose information that he probably never would have known otherwise. Not only did this little conversation give me a chance to inform him better about exactly what happens, but it opened up the door for a whole host of other topics that we hadn't discussed. And I'd like to share that experience, as awkward as it might have been.

My partner usually knows when I'm having my period anyway, because when the topic of sex comes up, I usually respond by telling him what's going on. He'll respond with "Oh, alright," but the conversation will end there.

Though 20 years old, the occasional irregular bugger still plagues me. Such was the case a week ago, when Auntie Flo decided to pop in early. I wasn't aware of said visit until a friend pulled me aside after lecture hall and let me in on the fact that I bled clean through my khakis. Luckily it wasn't terribly obvious, so I figured I'd change when I went home a few hours later, after I made a side-stop at my partner's house.

Well, as side-stops go, a simply 5 minute hello turned into 15 which turned into some quality couch time, and no, I don't mean watching TV. All clothes remained on, and things went fine, until I went to get up and noticed that I'd continued to bleed through my pants, and onto my partner's as well.

Needless to say I wanted to die.

I thought my boyfriend would freak out. I thought for sure I would be in trouble, that he'd be so grossed out that he wouldn't be able to speak. But I was nicely surprised (scratch that, shocked out of my mind) when he looked up and said, straight-faced, "Oh well, accidents happen. At least we were having fun in the process, right?"

I've seen male friends react to the word "period". I've heard their jokes about the movie Superbad and the scene where the guy dances with someone's girlfriend and gets menstrual blood all over his pant leg, and "Dude, how nasty was that?" accompanied by "Yeah, totally!"...so imagine my surprise when my partner casually walked into the laundry room and threw his pants in the hamper.

I'll admit I was completely embarrassed, but I was also curious as to why he didn't react accordingly, (well, according with how I felt, anyway...) So, still in his boxers, we sat down on the couch, I asked why, and the rest is history.

The bottom line: as embarrassed as we gals can get over our periods, we make a bigger deal out of them than anyone else does. Not only are we embarrassed to talk about them with other girls, the humiliation factor goes through the roof the minute a guy enters the conversation. The facts are pretty simple: it's a part of life, and a necessary one at that. Without that monthly pain, our reproductive systems would be in scramble mode.

I was surprised that my boyfriend didn't see this as the earth-moving event I believed it to be. "Do you think I'd get mad at you because you're a girl and have a period?" he said to me. "You have to deal with them as it is, you don't need me ragging on you about them on top of that." And he's right, as silly as I felt admitting that to myself. But as I sat in his living room, explaining exactly what goes on during menstruation, I felt an odd sense of pride creeping up on me. Besides the work I do on Scarleteen, I don't often talk about what I know when it comes to sex and sexual health. But I reveled in being able to explain the mechanics, PMS and all the rest to my partner, including specifics about me and what I experience during my cycle that he wouldn't have known. And what's more, we didn't stop there. We kept going for another hour, having discussions about sex and our wants and needs that probably never would have come up otherwise.

And, I got to teach him how to do laundry.

As humiliated as I felt at first, I now believe it happened for good reason. Though I never would have chose that particular incident to spark a conversation that really needed to happen, that fact that it did is now irrelavent. I went home that night feeling much closer to my partner, and him to me, because of a unexpected visit.

So now when I check the calendar and see that I'm due, it isn't the end of the world; I might even embrace it. It is no longer going to be a burden, or leave a stain on my day.

Just my pants, perhaps.

You have a really good guy

Sat, 02/02/2008 - 23:21

Anonymous

You have a really good guy there :)
My own fiance is very understanding and supportive as well, regarding my period as a time that I might need a little extra coddling and consideration, and menstrual blood as just another of the body's various effluvia, and a relatively harmless one at that.

That's not the case with all guys, I'm sad to say. I've heard stories from my friends of less than accommodating partners... one girl who managed to cut herself rather badly while shaving her crotch. When she called her boyfriend over to help her staunch the bleeding and bring her a little antibiotic cream, he refused. He thought she was lying to him, and that it was actually menstrual blood. She had to take care of it herself.
One of my former roommates' boyfriend even went on a rant in front of his girlfriend and I about how disgusting menstruation was, and how he never, ever wanted to hear from her that she was on her period, and that he'd refuse to touch her while she was.

It comes down to education, really (as so many things do..). If the boys are being shown the same sex ed videos we girls are shown about periods, it's not much of a surprise that they could get the wrong ideas.

There are some guys out

Sat, 02/16/2008 - 13:45

There are some guys out there who don't totally freak! I went out with a guy once and had something similar happen, he tried to act like he was ok about it but I could tell he was kinda disgusted, I felt like crawling into a hole and dying! But the guy I'm with now, I stopped at his and my monthly friend showed up a little early, I was mortified that his sheets were all bloody but he was like "it's only blood babe it can be washed". I was like "Yeah, but it's kinda gross" and he said "no it's natural, don't worry about it" totally not bothered at all. It was mad....still was shameful for me though but it does prove that sometimes it is only us that makes a big deal out of it

A big thank you

Fri, 02/22/2008 - 01:59

Your story really made me smile : )
The same thing has happened to me before, but the guy who noticed was not quite as understanding, unfortunately.Then again, that was back in high school..
(*cough* I was know as "Bloody Mary" from that day on!)
Anyway, you've got a really sweet guy there, and I suggest you hang onto him!
I'm really impressed with your site, it has helped educate me about my own body.I've even convinced a few friends to check it out!
I recently turned seventeen, and I thought it was abnormal for someone my age to still feel unready for sex..And I'm glad that I was wrong!

So I just wanted to thank you for making this site, you have no idea how much you've helped me out!

Gabrielle

Well I'm a guy and blood is

Sun, 03/23/2008 - 03:16

Well I'm a guy and blood is blood no matter where it comes from. Oh yeah before any of you form a negative opinion of me based on the fact that I am commenting om a topic obviously intended for women. I searched google for help in making my girlfriend's first sexual experience the best it can be, and I happened to find this site in the process. Well we all can do with some more knowledge of the opposite sex and anything they have to deal with s that we can help or at least understand what they are going through. Now if my girlfriend was on her period and happened to be unfortunate enough to bleed through her pants and we were in a public place I would hand her my jacket or anything that she would be able to cover the area so that she does not get embarrassed. My clothes have gotten blood on them before because I'm a pretty physically active guy and also tend to get injured quite often so a little more blood won't hurt them any. Not all guys are jerks, and if they are should you really be with them?

First I visited my guy (he

Thu, 03/27/2008 - 05:59

First I visited my guy (he lives far away, and just as a note, we weren't sexually active), I had taken a bath and left my dirty clothes in the floor while I did my makeup at the sink. He came in and picked them up to put them in the hamper, then stopped, looked at my underwear, took out my pantiliner and threw it away and went on his merry way.

I was thinking, What just happened here?

I think it's a huge sign of maturity when a guy can just accept the natural processes of a woman's body as, well, natural. He often asks me about the way my body works and I can't help but feel complimented. Somehow these functions, mundane to me, are amazing and exciting to him. His body has none of these exciting cycles (obvious ones anyway) so rather than being "Auntie Flo" or "The Curse" they are the processes that make females women...and fertile ones with life-giving potential at that.

I could never invest in a guy who didn't understand that.

What Should I Have Done?

Mon, 04/07/2008 - 11:26

I am a guy. One day at work I noticed one of my woman workmates had a blood stain on the back of her skirt. I immediately realized that she had gotten her period and hadn't realized it. I had three choices for what to do:

1. Tell her about it.
2. Tell another woman, so that she could tell her.
3. Nothing.

I chickened out and did nothing. I noticed later that her skirt was no longer stained, so either she noticed it herself, or somebody else told her. Either way, she took care of the situation.

What should I have done? Should I have done either (1) or (2) above?

re: What Should I Have Done?

Tue, 04/08/2008 - 03:25

If you know the woman well, you could say something to her directly. If not, it might be better to tell another woman whom you think is sympathetic. I had a guy tell me about such a situation once in high school--he was a friend and very kind, but it freaked me out a bit. (More because it was a giant huge leak than anything.) But an adult woman would probably be able to understand that you were trying to help--and if in doubt, telling her via another woman is probably a good plan. In my opinion anyway. :))

i came my 1st period

Mon, 04/14/2008 - 12:48

Im 12 year-old girl..today..14-april-2008 ..i came my 1st period..n i never tell my mother..n i dont dare to tell my boyfriend..i'm afriad if i tell my boyfriend,he would say "ew it was so disgusting" wad should i do..?

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