Skip to main content

Sex "just happened" without a condom

Share |
Anonymous asks:

I never intended on sex. I was with my best friend, just spending some time with him. One thing lead to another, and before we knew it, I asked for sex, and it just happened. The first time we did it that day we used a condom. It hurt at first but he said that it was just because it was my first time. The second time we did it that day we didn't use a condom. After about five minutes into it, I asked him to pull out because we didn't use a condom. He did not ejaculate though. The next day I felt weird around my lower stomach. Is there any chance at all that anything bad will come out of this stupid decision that we made?

Heather Corinna replies:

Unprotected intercourse, with or without ejaculation, poses high risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). The pregnancy risk is substantially smaller than had there been full ejaculation, but it still may be a risk.

Not knowing when this happened, if it has been less than 120 hours, and you do not wish to become pregnant, we suggest obtaining emergency contraception. If this happened less recently, all you can do in terms of pregnancy risks is wait things out: should your period be late, it'd be smart to take a pregnancy test. In terms of your STI risks, you can't do anything to help prevent those in terms of that risk now, but you should schedule a full STI screening within a month of the risk.

Regardless, feeling funny in your belly the next day was likely about stress or not having reached orgasm after being aroused: neither symptoms of pregnancy nor of STIs will appear as soon as the following day.

I just want to make something clear. This isn't a lecture or a finger-wag, just a reminder about the realities of sex that I hope will help you to make the best choices for yourself you can. Sex doesn't just "happen," in the same way that us running the Boston Marathon doesn't just "happen." So long as everyone is consenting -- and you seem to have made clear that very much was the case -- we choose to have sex, and we both have to mindfully and expressly act to have sex. It's not a passive activity, or at least, it sure shouldn't be.

So, if you find it keeps feeling like sex "just happens," then it's time to have a talk with the person it just keeps happening with. It's so important to really be talking about all aspects of sex with partners, especially the barest basics, like using birth control and safer sex practices and setting sound limits and boundaries that protect your health, your heart and your mind. If you don't feel able to have those discussions, the only smart choice to make is to hold off on sex until you (and your partner) do, okay?

In partnered sex, both partners need to be in the driver's seat, and both need to be thinking about doing what we need to do to keep each other safe and sound.

Here are a few links for more on these issues:

written 14 Jul 2007 . updated 20 Dec 2012

More like This

Most people don't know it, but there are more than two sexes, and way more than two genders. One scientist, Dr. Anne Fausto-Sterling, says that there are five commonly occurring genetic sexes (...
I'm 15 and I have a wonderful boyfriend who I am very much in love with. My boyfriend is the sweetest, gentlest, most caring person I have met in a while and I know he really cares about me and it's...

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.