Quick Hits: Twenty-One Kinds of No
Heather Corinna replies:Does anal sex make your hips and bottom larger?
No. No kind of sex can change the shape or size of your body (sparing something temporary and small, like erection in males, or clitoral swelling in women because of being aroused). If you become pregnant due to any given kind of sex you can have shape or size changes, but that's about it.
This question and all of the following questions we've found in our queue all share one simple answer: no. The no's to these questions are not particularly complicated, or are easily answered in one of our articles or previous advice answers. Giving any of them their own page where we just answered, "No," with one short explanation of why seemed a bit silly.
So, with no further adieu, I give you, literally, a world of No.
I was in a hot tub with a hot guy and I started making out with him. He got hard and maybe his cum got out. Can I get pregnant?
A friend of mine told me that it is impossible for a woman to get pregnant if she has unprotected sex during the first few days of her period. Is that true?
No. If we know anything at all about pregnancy and intercourse, we know that we've got to be really cautious saying anything at all is impossible: it's amazing how human reproduction can buck the odds sometimes.
Women's fertility cycles vary, so we're not all most or least fertile at the same times. For the average woman, ovulation does not usually happen during or right after a period (and that would be an issue because sperm can live in the vagina for a handful of days), the menstruation itself can make it difficult for semen to hang around the vagina. But some women do or can ovulate early enough in their cycles that this could present a risk.
To find out how any woman can find out what the scoop is with her own fertility cycle, check this out. But if you are a young person who wants to avoid unwanted pregnancy, you're usually going to do better using a method other than natural family planning, or using a backup method with FAM. You can find out about your own best birth control options here.
I cannot use a tampon at all. I've never been able to get it in. Does this mean I cannot have intercourse?
No. Usually, when we're putting a tampon in, we're not sexually aroused. Sexual arousal and relaxation temporarily loosens and lubricates the vagina and vaginal opening, making vaginal entry easier. Too, engaging in other sexual activities we enjoy beforehand, like receptive oral sex or even just making out, also ups that arousal and helps with that loosening and lubrication.
You might try being more relaxed and using some extra lubricant with tampons to see if that helps. If you find you can't get any of a finger into your vaginal opening either, it is possible -- but somewhat rare -- to have a hymen which has not eroded enough yet to allow anything into your vagina, or other vaginal or vulval conditions which may be issues. If that's the case and it hasn't resolved itself by the time you're interested in sex with a partner, you can have a chat with your healthcare provider about it.
For some reason I can't get my girlfriend to reach a squirting orgasm. Can you please help me with this?
No. But she might be able to. Or not.
Not all women can or do ejaculate. Some women who do don't even like to sometimes or even all the time. Ejaculation isn't a circus trick, so it's not something we want to aim for out of novelty with partners unless they have interest in it as well. Too, for women who do ejaculate, it doesn't always happen with orgasm: sometimes it happens before orgasm, sometimes it can happen without orgasm, too.
For many women who do ejaculate -- or want to -- it most often occurs with targeted G-spot stimulation, such as through manual sex with fingers or with sex toys designed to stimulate the G-spot. To find out what she wants, what she likes, and what might get her to ejaculate if she wants to, you'll need to ask her what's feeling good for her and communicate together.
I'm 14 years old and I'm still a virgin. My boyfriend has fingered me before and I masturbate sometimes. Recently my dad found a tampon of mine and now he thinks I'm not a virgin and wants to take me to the gynecologist to see if I'm still a virgin. Just because I use tampons does it mean I'm not a virgin?
No. Virginity is not a physical issue, a way your body or vagina looks or anything to do with how you choose manage your period. It's an idea or ideal, and the way most people define a virgin -- for those who choose to use that term at all -- is as a person who has not had either intercourse or other kinds of sex with another person yet or ever. Just like your Dad washing his penis when he was a boy was probably not something he thought of as meaning he wasn't a virgin anymore, the same goes with using tampons. Using tampons has nothing to do with sex: it's an issue of hygiene.
Is it normal that when I am making out with my partner I feel semen coming out of my vagina without having any sex?
No. But only because a woman can't produce semen. What you're likely feeling isn't semen, but probably your own vaginal lubrication, which women will often produce with sexual arousal. You can read all about your discharges here, and about what goes on during your sexual response cycle here.
I'm a thirteen-year-old guy. Every time I masturbate nothing comes out? is there some thing wrong with me?
No. At 13, most guys aren't even close to through with puberty, and many have even just gotten started. While even infants can get erections, the ability to ejaculate isn't something that happens until after a couple other stages of puberty. To get an idea of when it might happen for you, find out about puberty here.
Does pre-ejecualation need to get inside the vagina to get HIV? The guys penis was around my vagina for about 5 seconds, and he had some liquid around his penis, which I think was pre-cum. I am so scared, this my first time letting anybody ever touch me.
No. Any unprotected genital-to-genital or genital-to-oral contact, or genital contact with someone else's genital fluids presents a risk of acquiring or transmitting HIV or other sexually transmitted infections. Understand, too, that direct genital contact or genital contact with semen also can present pregnancy risks. These risks exist whether a penis is inside the vagina, the anus, or rubbing around other parts of your vulva, like your inner labia or clitoris. If you've been sexually active, you want to get a full STI screening, including an HIV test, every year, and more often if you have new partners in a year or take additional risks, like having unprotected contact like this.
HIV certainly is one thing to be concerned about, and you can find out more about it here. But HIV isn't as common among most young people as pregnancy and infections like Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Trich, Herpes or HPV. To reduce the risk of all STIs, if you're going to have genital sex, you need to practice safer sex: here's how. If you want to assure you don't become pregnant when you don't want to, you'll want to be sure to use a sound method of birth control.
If my boyfriend fingered me but washed his hands 4 times before, could I still get pregnant?
No. Not only is handwashing once, with warm water and soap, totally effective in removing sperm from the hands, pregnancy occurring due to trace semen on the hands with manual sex is not at all likely, anyway. Handwashing before manual sex is still a good idea, but that's mostly to remove bacteria which can cause infections.
Do you have to bleed after you have had sex? I am asking because I didn't. And I have never bled with sex before that except when I was on my period.
No. Some people do bleed after certain kinds of sex, and some people don't. Sometimes, bleeding after sex means that someone has been injured in some way, that a woman wasn't as aroused or lubricated as she should have been, or can also be a symptom of certain sexually transmitted infections or other medical conditions. While plenty of women bleed the first time or two they have vaginal intercourse or other vaginal entry, that's as often because those women were nervous and couldn't relax. Some women may also choose to have vaginal sex before their hymens have fully eroded, so bleeding can happen due to some stretching of that remaining hymen. But ideally? No one should be bleeding after sex.
I'm a lesbian and sometimes when I masturbate, I can orgasm very quickly, like in 3 minutes. Is this any indication I will orgasm too fast when I enjoying sex with another girl?
No. Any of us will often reach orgasm pretty quickly with masturbation because a) we're alone and b) we've had a lot of practice knowing exactly what we're doing. We also don't have to communicate with ourselves to know what feels good like we do with partners. Expecting the way things go with masturbation to be the same as things go with a partner isn't realistic. How long it'll take you to reach orgasm on a given day with a partner will often vary a lot, even if, over time, it becomes easier to get there with them as they get to know what works for you.
Too? Women's bodies are a bit different from men's, in that when we reach orgasm, we don't need a refractory period to move on to another one. So, even if you do reach orgasm quickly, not only does that not mean you have to stop doing whatever you are for or with your partner, it also doesn't mean you can't potentially have more than that one orgasm, either.
Joe D. asks,
Is there any natural way to increase penis size? Does natural penis enlargement work?
No. As of yet, none of the products you'll find in your spam e-mail box have any credibility nor do they do anything besides enjoy the money people throw at them. The only ways we know right now which have been shown to enlarge the penis permanently are surgical procedures, and even those are pretty iffy. Have a look to see why.
A better use of your energy -- and without a waste of a single dollar, besides -- is to spend it accepting your body just as it is. When people say that it's not what you've got, but how you use it, they're not kidding, no matter what size someone is.
I have been having sex for a year now but it still really hurts. Why is this? Is it normal?
No. Honestly, sex should not hurt for a year. To find out why it might be in your case, take a peek at this.
Is there any harm done to the anus from repeated anal intercourse?
No. Not if you just employ some basic care and safety when you engage in it.
I am 14 and i have never had an orgasm, is there something wrong with me?
No. As I mentioned a few answers up, it's not at all atypical for it to take younger women a while to experience orgasm. I'd actually say that most 14-year-old women haven't had an orgasm yet, even though some have. Often, the best way to get there is just by being sure you're highly aroused and then experimenting with masturbation. If you already are, and your hands aren't doing it for you, you might see about trying a vibrator. And if you're already doing that, then it might just be something that happens a bit further down the road.
I know that might be frustrating, but you just have to accept that we all have different timetables. And the more frustrated we are, the less likely we are to reach orgasm. So, if it's just not happening no matter what right now, put your energy somewhere else for the time being. Eventually, it'll happen. I promise.
Is my vagina weird shaped? Because it looks like it is too large for my age(I'm 14) and then how the inner parts are like kind of in and out like parsley in my vagina. I really think this is not right and I am scared to ever have sex or let someone see my vagina because of this. Please please help me I need to know thank you.
No. Your vulva -- the vagina is inside your body, and you can't see much of it without a speculum, the vulva is all the bits you can see outside -- is not weird-shaped. What you're describing sounds normal to me. Saying the inner labia are ruffly like parsley is a pretty accurate description (save that while labia can come in a range of colors, from peach to black, bright green isn't usually one of them). Inner labia of some women show themselves outside the outer labia, while for others they stay hidden: and for some women, one labia will stay in while the other sticks out. All of those are normal variations. Vulvas differ a whole awful lot. Too, when you go through puberty, the whole or parts of the vulva will start to look bigger or more pronounced: our vulvas as teens and adults don't look the same as they did when we were children.
I'm getting you probably haven't been up close and personal with a lot of other vulvas, be that with women your age or any other age. Since most of our vulvas are hidden, unless women are sexually active with other women, professional bikini waxers or gynecologists, many women will rarely get a good look at any other vulva besides their own, so having an idea of what's normal and what's not is typically difficult.
Have a look at this map of your anatomy to get a better idea about what's normal. My pal Sarah at MyVag also has a really nice collection of links where you can get a look at realistic images of other vulvas. And if both of those don't do it for you, you can always make an appointment with a gynecologist, have them take a look, and let you know how normal you are.
Me and my girl had unprotected sex twice and now her period is a day late. I have never cum in or on top of her. I constantly pull out and check my self and never even came close to cumin while having sex. Can you tell if you have pre-cum when you constantly pull out?
No. A vagina isn't a dry place. So, being able to tell if there is pre-ejaculate on your penis isn't going to something you'll be able to do. Most of the time you won't feel it, and you're not going to be able to tell by looking at your penis during intercourse.
Given her period is late, she should take a pregnancy test. It may well be late for other reasons, but since she did have sex unprotected, pregnancy is certainly a possibility.
Withdrawal is one the the two least effective methods of birth control that there is in typical use. You can find out more about it here. If you're going to use withdrawal, it's best to pair it with another method to assure that your partners don't become pregnant when they don't want to be.
If you do not wash directly after sex, can you get warts or anything bump-like? I have not washed directly after everytime, and I have been checked for STD's but I still have small brown bumps. Is this because I did not wash the external area every time after sex?
No. Genital warts caused by HPV are not going to be prevented by washing, but only by either abstaining from sex or using latex barriers -- like condoms -- with sex. Even when using barriers, there still is a chance they can be transmitted. Small brown bumps, however, do not sound like genital warts which, when they appear, tend to look more like the world's tiniest cauliflower heads.
Toni M. asks,
My nipples are pretty big, and i'm 14... I've been going through puberty since the 5th grade, and i'm only a B cup [Since Recently!]. Will my breasts grow any larger? Does the size of your nipples give you an idea on your future breast growth?
No. What size our nipples are doesn't correlate to any given breast size. Some women with very small breasts have very large nipples: some women with very large breasts have very small nipples. Within a couple of years, what size your breasts are are the basic size they're going to be for most of your life, unless you become pregnant and have size changes from pregnancy which stick, which sometimes happens.
My gf and I just had sex for the first time. Does the loudness and the amount of noises and moans mean a higher level of enjoyment? Do moans mean that I am satisfying her sexually?
No, not necessarily. Certainly, when we're moaning and groaning in earnest, it usually is because things feel good. But because a lot of people feel like they're supposed to make noise during sex -- and plenty worry that if they don't, a partner will feel insecure -- it's not the best way to assure someone is enjoying themselves. The best way to do that is just to ask them if something feels good, during or afterwards, and to verbally communicate together to see how you're both really feeling.
One bonus of that communication? If in that talk she says she wasn't really moaning in earnest, you can let her know that there's no need for her to do that unless it is coming naturally when things are feeling good. That way, next time around, you can be pretty sure if you hear the moans and groans that it is about feeling good and know they do mean that.