My sex life is great, so why do I feel so guilty?
Hollie replies:Hi there! I really love your website, it has helped me a lot since I have began to experiment with partnered sex very recently (I had my first intercourse a month ago). I enjoy sex very much, and I'm really concerned about being protected when practicing it. And also, I have a very caring and loving boyfriend, who always listen to my needs and looks for my well-being during the act. So, what's the issue around here? Well, after sex I've been feeling kind of...empty. I do love my boyfriend, he loves me, and sex is great, but I feel very depressed afterwards. I've never experienced this kind of feelings; I believe I'm very open when it comes to what I feel, and also to sexuality itself, so I'm geting a little bit afraid of this. I come from a very conservative family, that hardly ever discusses sex. So, I'm wondering, Am I repressed? If so, How can I open up to my family, without making a scandal? I believe this would help me a lot to end with this weird guilty feeling. So, any suggestions? Thank you very much!!! Lucy
I think you may need to give yourself a break. It sounds like have a good partner, good relationship, and healthy attitude towards sex. You've educated yourself and are practicing safe sex (I assume, from your post). This is more than many young women can say for themselves! Good for you! :)
Onto your question ... Unfortuneatly, this is the kind of question that only you can answer. Hopefully I can ask you some questions that will lead you there.
You say you have a conservative family; Do you think your parents would be upset if they knew that you're having sex? Perhaps these guilty feelings are coming from the presumption that your family would somehow be disappointed in you if they knew about your sex life. Is opening up to your family something you WANT to do, or something you feel like you SHOULD or HAVE TO do? Don't feel like you should or have to discuss your sex life with your parents. Sex is very personal and private for many, and isn't often something that is discussed over the dinner table. It is okay if you don't want to share this with your family.
On the other hand, if this is something you wish to share, maybe you can pick one person in your family to confide in first. Someone you think may have a positive or neutral reaction. Maybe this is your mother, sister, father, cousin, etc ... Be sure to let them know that you are confident in your decision to be sexually active, have educated yourselves and are protecting yourselves. Let them know that you are not asking permission or seeking approval, but wanting to share something with them. Knowing your family better than we do, they may have a better idea on how you can share this with the rest of your family.
Keep in mind that even though your family may not discuss sex, sex is still being had! Parents have sex, grandparents have sex, and our siblings have sex. We are all sexual-beings, whether we decide to share this personal information with others or not. Do not assume that just because your family hasn't talked to you about sex that they don't know or suspect you've been having it. Parents are sometimes smarter than we give them credit for ;)