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Mmmmm...OH!...Zzzzzzzzzz...

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Bunny asks:

My boyfriend gets REALLY tired (and boring) after he orgasms. He like falls asleep. Is this normal??

Heather Corinna replies:

It sure is. If it hasn't happened to you yet, yourself -- with your boyfriend or when you masturbate alone -- it probably will at some point.

Orgasm is a full body event that gets our circulation pumping and our nervous system all fired up. After orgasm, in the resolution phase of the sexual response cycle, we'll usually feel very relaxed, and sometimes sleepy, and depending on how much we've exerted ourselves -- usually we can get pretty sweaty and intense during partnered sex, and wear out some muscles -- we may be even more worn out just from our movements. We might even feel a little stupid! Since orgasm also fills our body with feel-good hormones, it can feel pretty awesome to just drift off and experience that relaxation.

As for the boring bit, I'm afraid I can't be of much help there. There's certainly nothing about orgasm which would change someone's personality and make an otherwise exciting person boring, but it certainly can be boring for you to be wide-awake and ready to go when someone else is fast asleep. :)

If you're asking this because part of that bummer is that YOU still haven't reached orgasm, that's an issue you need to address. For some of us who do tend to be sleepyheads after orgasm, it's often better for our partners for us to bring them to orgasm first before seeking out our own. That's something you certainly can bring up with your boyfriend as an option. You two might even just take turns from date to date if that isn't workable, making one sex session all about you, and the next all about him. That way, either of you could drift off to sleep if you wanted to after! But too, we also can always elect to sit up after sex and NOT fall asleep: falling asleep is often a choice we make, and if we're letting ourselves dirft off when our partners aren't finished or are stil wanting, that's really uncool.

And if you're asking because you haven't yet reached orgasm yourself at all, or because the sex you're having is pretty passive on your part, or all about your boyfriend, then again, these are things you'll want to address. Sex with a partner should, absolutely, be about BOTH partners, about both partners experincing pleasure, and about both partners having an active part. Sex should also be about your physical pleasure as well as your emotional, so you may need to do some more exploring of your own body, all by yourself, as well as talking to your partner.

Here's some extra info I think you can use:

written 17 Oct 2007 . updated 29 Jan 2014

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