Skip to main content

He's so perfect, and I feel too self-concious for intimacy!

Share |
Anonymous asks:

I am overweight by about 30lbs, so I do have some extra "baggage". Anyway, most likely, this weight isn't going any where, because I've tried many times, and failed many times. So the problem is, my boyfriend and I have been dating for some time now, and he really is wanting to have sex (and it's not just him, I do too). However, I am too intimidated - he's got like this perfect body - tan, slim and works out a lot, and me, pale in areas, and like I said overweight. If anyone has any advice please tell me how I can overcome my unpleasant feeling of self-consciousness and be able to give into him for once (or I'm gonna be stuck with keeping my shirt on during the whole thing).

Susie replies:

First up, I think you ought to rent a movie called 'Real Women Have Curves.' It stars America Ferrera, and is about a fat girl who has to deal with all the usual teen stuff: family, boyfriend and going to college. I think you'd identify with it and probably learn something from it. At the least, it's a good movie and I hope you like it.

Here's an idea you need to hold onto: He wants you as much as you want him, so he clearly doesn't see anything wrong with your body. In fact, I'm guessing he's quite turned on by it. The only thing holding you back is your own mind.

What can you do to build up your own confidence? Stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself. Look yourself up and down. Find five things you like about your body, and say it out loud. For example, if you like the color of your eyes, speak up and say, "I love the color of my eyes." Then say it again. Say it a few times until you get comfortable with saying it aloud. Dress to flatter your figure, not hide it. And go exercise. You won't drop 30 pounds overnight, but that's okay. The sense of accomplishment you feel after a good workout will give you inspiration and confidence. Exercise is an all-around healthy habit everyone should have.

So have you and your boyfriend talked about things like contraception? Have you started all the prep work (buying condoms, getting check-ups and such)?

Here are some things you should read for advice and inspiration:

written 23 Jan 2008 . updated 29 Jan 2014

More like This

Get your hands on S.E.X.: the in-depth and inclusive teen and young adult sexuality book by Heather Corinna! This 2007 Lambda Literary Award nominee covers everything from STIs to sexual orientation...
I think it's difficult to navigate sexuality as girls and women in the world today. Every dimension of our sexual selves is impacted by our current world and by history, both of which have had an...

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.