Did my vibrators ruin my sex life?
Heather Corinna replies:I am an 18 year old female. When I was younger I could not orgasm from masterbation with my fingers. So, two years ago I bought a vibrator for clitoral stimulation (commonly referred to as the "egg" or the "bullet") and had such intense orgasms that I could barely finish. Since then, I have been able to acheive orgasm through manual stimulation with my boyfriend and the intensity of the orgasms that I had with my vibrator subsided so that they were very pleasurable. This past summer I bought a new vibrator because my other one broke, this one has a dildo attached to it and a vibarting part for clitoral stimulation (commonly referred to as the rabbit), but I don't usually penetrate myself with the dildo part because I don't enjoy penetration that isn't from my boyfriend's penis. However, now when I orgasm, with my vibrator or my boyfriend, I barely feel anything. I feel the build up in my legs but not real involuntary muscle contractions in my pelvis, vagina or thighs. Sometimes I feel slight contractions in my perenium or bum. But it's as though the orgasm part of my orgasm is gone. How do I restore the intensity and make my orgasms pleasurable and worth it again? This is really affecting my enjoyment of sex and makes my boyfriend feel like he isn't satisfying me. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
Sounds like it's just time to mix it up a bit.
There isn't a lot we can say about sexuality that is generally applicable to everyone -- save that we're all awfully diverse -- but one thing we do know is that habit or routines tend to be a buzzkill for a lot of people when it comes to sex. So, if we do the same things over and over, or use the same toys, techniques or dynamics over and over, sometimes, we'll basically hit a wall where what worked for us for a while just isn't the ticket anymore.
So, I'd just take a break with the vibes for right now, or shift to a new one, which you can use solo as well as during sex with your partner as you like. You might try a lower setting with your vibes for a while, or using them differently than you have been; focusing on different areas. You might want to move back to masturbation with your fingers, and to clitorial stimulus during intercourse with your own or your partner's fingers.
But too, do know that ebbs and peaks in our sex lives and sexual response are normal, no matter what we're doing. Sometimes, we'll have periods of time where our sex and orgasms are very high-key, and other times, where we go through a period where the pitch is much lower or more subtle. It's common when any given thing is new for our response to it to be more intense. It's also typical NOT to have the same sort of sexual response at all times, and for sex or orgasms NOT to be over-the-moon amazing all the time, even when we don't really change anything: remember that our sexual response and sexuality involve way more than just our genitals and what we do to them -- it's about our whole bodies, whole minds, whole lives, all of which impact and effect our sexual responses.