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You know that somewhere between 40,000 and over 140,000 men are raped in prison each year in the US alone, yes? That people of all orientations rape, and sometimes do so counter to their sexual orientation? That victims are not only women; that rape happens outside hetero-male-perp and hetero-female-victim, yes? I assume you also know that not everyone lives in that world in the first place, since not everyone is heterosexual, but also that plenty of heterosexuals don't enact or engage in their sexual interactions in the ways you describe?

You also are aware the typologies of those who sexually assault and abuse others most certainly do focus on power (and if you've never read any books that address those typologies to see how they have gotten at those assertions, sounds like you should, since the basis does appear to be sound when you really look at all the background), but also address the ways rape can be correlated with sexual feelings or motives of a perpetrator? Sounds like you're not, and think I'm not, so I'm not sure who you're talking to in…well, most of your statements here.

Those who are pre-pubescent, in puberty and barely outside of it (of all genders) do have the highest rates of victimization. But the usual premise with that is that that is about their (often accurately) perceived vulnerability, not about their sexual appeal. This probably had more than anything to do with my being attacked at 11 and 12, and with my great-grandmother's rape and homicide at the age of 76. And what we know about dress from study is that people dressed a million different ways can be and are assaulted, and the most common things victims usually are wearing when assaulted are their every day clothing or lounge-around-the-house garb.

I don't know about you, but what offends me about rape is not some lost feeling of entitlement to an imbalanced sexual dynamic or the opportunity to try and get gifts or other items in exchange for sex (and an orientation-based culture) I never have had any interest in in the first place. But I do know that those ways of thinking about sex and sexual dynamics certainly aren't the foundation for healthy relationships. To boot, if you want to talk about things we do know contribute to gender-based violence (which sexual assault often is), we also know that very combative, negative and binary conceptions of/feeling about gender have been found to be big influences.

What offends me about rape, especially as a survivor, was and is someone choosing to use my body, and out it and my psyche at grave risks, against my will to get something they want. I think that would probably offend you, too. What offends me about suggestions that women can protect ourselves from rape by the way we dress is that a) we have every evidence in the world that is not true, some of us from very personal experience with being assaulted and b) it suggests that something done against someone's will was invited. I think that would probably offend you, too.

It's not just women who find rape offensive (and I think offensive is a pretty light word for the feelings most people have about rape and other kinds of serious assault: it's a term I think more appropriate for my feelings about these comments you've left). I think it's safe to say most people of all genders find rape offensive, and that there is not just one gender of people who doesn't want to be victimized and doesn't like to be victimized. It's not like male rape victims experience being assaulted as any less traumatic than women victims do, after all.

Editor & Founder, Scarleteen: Sex Ed for the Real World
Author, S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and Col