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I read a very interesting discussion around these topics recently on boingboing. There was a talk given by a sociologist on her research into sex on college campuses ( Seeing the talk, and reading her paper kind of wiped me out, because everything she described was exactly what I had seen and experienced, but somehow someone putting it into words and talking about the experiences of others (and their dissatisfaction, too) just felt hugely freeing. Like that even in my own mind, it wasn't something I was allowed to think or question.