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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » First Dates and Expectations

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Author Topic: First Dates and Expectations
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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A conversation with a user yesterday made me wonder something: when y'all go on first dates, what expectations do you have walking into the date? Have you already formed an idea of what you want to happen with your date, in terms of the future? Are you looking for something in particular to happen or just letting things take their course?

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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Molweni
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I take things as they come. But as a young adult I do feel like there's this expectation that sex will happen after a certain amount of dating, like a month or two, and if it doesn't one person tends to assume the other isn't interested.
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Onionpie
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I expect noooothing! Except to hopefully have fun on the date [Smile] And if I don't, then I guess there won't be another one [Razz] I think expecting some sort of future with someone you've only just started dating is a bit risky because, well... how on earth can you know? It could very possibly turn out that you two just aren't a good fit for each other. So yes, I just let things take their course [Smile]
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Ecofem
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What a fun topic, orca!

I think it all depends on the people, the situation, and what not. Like a date with a friend I've known for a few years or months is going to be different from a blind date.

I *do* expect to have fun (hopefully!) and share some good, interesting conversation. I think doing something active together is a good way to get to know the other person in a lower-key way (and it gives you stuff to talk about.) Laughing is a plus!

I guess the bottom line is that I'm just looking for a good time (ha, not necessarily like that old phrase, "for a good time call..." [Wink] ) and a chance to get to know the other person better.

I think the issue of sex depends on so much. I have had dates where it was part of the mix from the start or others where it never came into play.

I think it can be good to have high hopes, whatever that may mean, but also have low expectations, if that makes sense. Like that making a new friend, enjoying some great BBQ (mmm!) or possibly even meeting someone you'd like to see again. I am honest with myself and the person I'm dating about my intentions, but I also don't think there's any need to disclose too much about my past or give a treatise on "what I'm looking for on this date and in life." I think it's also good having an open mind; even if you'd like to have a long-term relationship, just waiting to see what happens and how you're clicking is important. Being too pushy or seeming "desperate" is definitely a turn-off, even if it's not intended at all. However, being excited and enthusiastic is a big plus!

I do like to suss out the person's overall political beliefs and values... certain things like being pro-choice are incredibly important and potential dealbreakers for me.

The other day I saw a new episode of LA Ink where one of the tattoo artists went on a blind date. The guy was a musician who just got back from touring and set up a really fun roller rink date. However, by the end of the date, she had outlined her future plans, that she was looking to start a family, have kids, etc. etc. asap. He seemed a bit shellshocked and gave her an honest-yet-considerate reply. That didn't work out. On one hand, it's good to know what you're looking for; on the other, rushing things isn't good and can mean missing out on future good. Maybe he would have been interested in the house-kids-marriage scenario over time as he got to know her and maybe not, but dumping it on someone on the first date seemed like *way* too much.

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yeahyeahgirl
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My expectations are only to have fun, adn that there will be a few awkward moments. Even if you've know the person you're going on the first date with for awhile, it can still be awkward because this first step towards an actual relationship is taking place.
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