Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » First Dates and Expectations

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: First Dates and Expectations
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orca     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A conversation with a user yesterday made me wonder something: when y'all go on first dates, what expectations do you have walking into the date? Have you already formed an idea of what you want to happen with your date, in terms of the future? Are you looking for something in particular to happen or just letting things take their course?

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 43654

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Molweni     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I take things as they come. But as a young adult I do feel like there's this expectation that sex will happen after a certain amount of dating, like a month or two, and if it doesn't one person tends to assume the other isn't interested.
Posts: 47 | From: South Africa | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 41699

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Onionpie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I expect noooothing! Except to hopefully have fun on the date [Smile] And if I don't, then I guess there won't be another one [Razz] I think expecting some sort of future with someone you've only just started dating is a bit risky because, well... how on earth can you know? It could very possibly turn out that you two just aren't a good fit for each other. So yes, I just let things take their course [Smile]
Posts: 1311 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
What a fun topic, orca!

I think it all depends on the people, the situation, and what not. Like a date with a friend I've known for a few years or months is going to be different from a blind date.

I *do* expect to have fun (hopefully!) and share some good, interesting conversation. I think doing something active together is a good way to get to know the other person in a lower-key way (and it gives you stuff to talk about.) Laughing is a plus!

I guess the bottom line is that I'm just looking for a good time (ha, not necessarily like that old phrase, "for a good time call..." [Wink] ) and a chance to get to know the other person better.

I think the issue of sex depends on so much. I have had dates where it was part of the mix from the start or others where it never came into play.

I think it can be good to have high hopes, whatever that may mean, but also have low expectations, if that makes sense. Like that making a new friend, enjoying some great BBQ (mmm!) or possibly even meeting someone you'd like to see again. I am honest with myself and the person I'm dating about my intentions, but I also don't think there's any need to disclose too much about my past or give a treatise on "what I'm looking for on this date and in life." I think it's also good having an open mind; even if you'd like to have a long-term relationship, just waiting to see what happens and how you're clicking is important. Being too pushy or seeming "desperate" is definitely a turn-off, even if it's not intended at all. However, being excited and enthusiastic is a big plus!

I do like to suss out the person's overall political beliefs and values... certain things like being pro-choice are incredibly important and potential dealbreakers for me.

The other day I saw a new episode of LA Ink where one of the tattoo artists went on a blind date. The guy was a musician who just got back from touring and set up a really fun roller rink date. However, by the end of the date, she had outlined her future plans, that she was looking to start a family, have kids, etc. etc. asap. He seemed a bit shellshocked and gave her an honest-yet-considerate reply. That didn't work out. On one hand, it's good to know what you're looking for; on the other, rushing things isn't good and can mean missing out on future good. Maybe he would have been interested in the house-kids-marriage scenario over time as he got to know her and maybe not, but dumping it on someone on the first date seemed like *way* too much.

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 44038

Icon 1 posted      Profile for yeahyeahgirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My expectations are only to have fun, adn that there will be a few awkward moments. Even if you've know the person you're going on the first date with for awhile, it can still be awkward because this first step towards an actual relationship is taking place.
Posts: 8 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3