This is not to say that I psychologically relate to men. I currently have a loving boyfriend, and am looking forward to marrying a man one day and having children. I prefer arts and crafts to sports, and have never enjoyed "rough-playing" the way typical boys do, and I am most DEFINATELY not dominant in any relationship.

However, ever since about the age of 5, I've just always felt as though I would be happier with a penis. I remember watching a show detailing a child raised as a girl, whos genitals developed into a penis by puberty, and just praying it would happen to me. Whenever I'm alone, I like to stuff my underwear just to get the feeling. Its almost indescribably, I just have this urge to have a penis.

Some might say that having "penis envy" (which I actually often reserve the saying for males, since the whole "is it big-wide-long-normal enough?" debate leads me to believe me that is THEY they really have this quote on quote "penis envy" ) is a sign of a transgenderal person. But as far as I'm concerned it's totally fine to wonder or think about what it'd be like to have a penis (or a vagina, clitoris, whatever the case may be).

If it bothers you that you have these thoughts, it's best to concentrate on what you have. Find new ways to pleasure yourself, do whatever, but try to really understand how amazing the vagina, clitoris, etc really are. Because, honestly, loving and appreciating what you have is a great step towards loving yourself, and in your case, letting go of your fascination.

quote:

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Originally posted by BlueRose:
I don't want a penis, but I would like to have the power that usually goes along with having one!

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jess, you probably could have chosen better words to describe what you were describing. I think what most people would read into your first statement is that having a penis makes you more powerful, or gives you more power in many different areas than having, say, a vagina. Which is totally untrue and very sexist. What I think you meant to say was that having a penis might be more convenient as far as urination and masturbating

I know I screwed up...but that's just bad...

Well, I'm coming from the other side of the fence on this, but this is when I stop lurking and actually post (very rare for me to do, but eh). I'm MTF (male to female), but I wouldn't say I have "vagina envy."

From my experience, it doesn't sound like you're transsexual, since you don't see yourself as male. It's definitely possible you don't identify as totally female, and that's okay. Gender, like sexuality, is a spectrum.

To better explain, I am not physically female. I do not dress as a female. I am only out to a select crowd, which includes my best friends, my girlfriend (until recently, we broke up in May after a long relationship), and my mother. And of course my therapists. I don't go out of my way to "act" feminine, although I'm often told I am. Those are all external and have nothing to do with how I identify inside. Vagina or not, I am still female. I don't need a particular anatomy to tell me what I already know.

Some of my friends still don't understand that. They seem convinced that I need to have surgery to be a girl. They somehow miss the fact that I already am, but I tire of explaining.

If this doesn't sound like you, ie. you identify as female but just want a penis as opposed to a penis being a nice thing to have so your outer anatomy would resemble your inner self, then I wouldn't call you a transsexual at all. At least not how I understand the term.

While it is true that you could be a gay man, once again, if you identify as female, then I wouldn't say that's likely, again from my own experience as being a gay woman in precisely that situation.

As for the penis being a power symbol, in many cultures it is just that, ancient world on throughout history. It penetrates, and our society through the ages has associated that with power. Study the Greeks and Romans if you want some real insight into just how seriously some cultures took this "phallic power." But then you say you're not dominant in any relationship? What do you mean by that? Every single relationship?

The reason I ask is because I can definitely understand your desire for a penis if you are dominant sexually. My girlfriend was very dominant, and spoke more than once about the desire to have a penis purely for the sexual benefits it would let her have. This goes back to that cultural understanding of penetrating as dominant action. This is not the same, however, as dominant in romance, friendship, or business relationships. Sex is its own kettle of fish.