So, the conclusion is that every victim/survivor of rape is different, right?
You know, I've heard a lot about feminists saying 'rape is about power and dominance' and the other part saying 'rape is about uncontrolled lusts, etcetera'. I think that if a person rapes someone, the reason is simple: the person doesn't care whether the victim wants the sex or not. Rapists and sadists are simply defined IMO as 'people who don't give a shit if the victim they are torturing/raping is getting mentally and/or physically hurt'. These people have a low level of empathy (strangely, a lot of autistic people have a low level of empathy, but you hear rarely about an autistic rapist) BUT they also mostly have a low level of moralistic sense. I think there are people who know that rape is bad, but still they do it. But that doesn't justify their actions.
We mustn't blame the victim. But I've went to this discussion on some Asexual forum, someone said there: 'blaming the victim is different than saying to the victim that she's responsible'. And then... those people use metaphors like 'if someone left his door open, and he was robbed - the robbers will still be blamed, but the owner of the house will also be responsible - NOT blamed, but responsible'
But... I disagree on that (too bad that the topic is old...). I mean, I've read this story from a Dutch girl that stopped her bike when a man asked her the way. And while explaining the way, she's getting attacked by him and raped. I can't understand why it's her responsibility. 'Yes, don't talk to strangers,' But I believe that these chain of events can happen everywhere. The only difference would be that the person who's asking the way IS or ISN'T a rapist. I mean, people have asked me the way, and I wasn't raped by them. HOW can a person know that a stranger or person he/she knows is a rapist, an none/anti-rapist or a would-be-rapist? I think that a person must do he/she thinks is right -> 'Do what your gut tells you... something like that'
But... what did you meant with 'that no matter what happened to us, our BODIES and sexualities are still absolutely our own, by our choice, within our CONTROL and for our own pleasure and joy'???
I mean, no person has 100 percent control over his/her body, right? Because, if a person has 100 percent control over his/her body, he/she can't get raped right?
I'm not trying to insult you, but I'm just wondering. What I do know is that life can't always be controlled: some times, things happen to someone in which the person had no control of it - just like sexual assault/rape. I mean, the myth that revealing clothing triggers rapists IS BULLSHIT! Rape doesn't happen because you made the wrong choices, but it happens when some loser wants to rape you. Nothing in this life is predictable.
However, as an idealist, I strive and I wish for a world where men and women are truly equal... at least where my friends are... Since my classmate killed himself this year, I've been worrying about my friends, beloved ones, more than normal. Because (and I guess you are going to insult me for stereotyping rape victims) I'm afraid if one of my friends is getting raped or very tortured by someone, that they will become potential suicide victims. I don't want my friends and my family to suffer. I want to support them, to protect them. I want to believe that a rape survivor can get over her/his rape, but... I've read all these stories by teenage girls and guys that they were raped... I'm just afraid that if a friend or beloved one of mine is getting mentally tortured through rape or something else, I will lose that beloved one. I want them to be happy, I want them to be strong, I want them to have JUSTICE! Sweet mother of god knows that I'm pissed off at governments, like in the Netherlands, that rapists are not getting caught. I want to believe in justice, that it exists. But I guess... I just hope that a victim of rape/sexual violence can make the best of her/his life, just like my grandmother.
BTW, have you heard about 'Yust Jell Fire!' ?