This is kind of explicit and uncomfortable. I definitely didn’t understand what the feeling meant at the time and I definitely didn’t want to have sex, but my earliest memory at maybe three to five years old is one of arousal. Is this normal?
Throughout my childhood I remember feeling this way and I usually brought the feeling on (willingly) by imagining certain characters I created in painful situations (never /ever/ real people though, I think I should really stress. I was a very empathetic child and I didn’t like the idea of other people in pain), I know this part probably isn’t normal (also now it still kind of works this way, but I have no desire to be in a real BDSM-esc situation, I’m actually very averse to the idea), but does it have any connection to the first part? I figured it was important to mention. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone else about this but if it’s actually a normal situation I want to know.