Porn induced sexual conditioning/arousal struggles
Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2024 2:39 pm
I've struggled with this topic for the longest time, and conducted hours worth of research on it. No matter what I do, it seems I cannot come to a conclusion. It's extremely uncomfortable to talk about, and I haven't disclosed of this topic to anyone, and probably never will. Out of sheer desperation, I am hoping that I will find help on here.. I will be as descriptive as possible, which is mortifying, but I am praying will help.
I watched porn for the first time at about 11 years old, discovering it in the form of 'facesitting'. In retrospect, I don't know what drove me to pursuing the habit, and I wish I would've never discovered it. I regularly masturbated to videos of the fetish, and nothing else- ever. As time went by, I found myself growing aroused by the topic, even just thinking about it, but especially watching videos. Once I had my first sexual partner (at around 15 years old), I came to the realisation that they could not make me orgasm, or even really turn me on in the first place. I was mentally totally into sexual intercourse, but could not get aroused. I blamed it on the level of skill of my partner, coming to the conclusion that a more experienced partner would have no difficulties turning me on. I kept watching the porn videos on the side, effortlessly getting aroused and achieving orgasm. As I pursued more sexual partners, I realised that it wasn't an issue on their behalf, as plenty were very experienced and pretty much replicated the technique I would use to masturbate on my own- a fruitless effort nonetheless. At 19, I tried to stop watching the facesitting videos to try and find something more related to the sex I WANTED to be having. Giving a guy head has always been a huge turn-on for me- mentally that is- so I tried to watch videos of blowjobs. Frustratingly, I found that I could only achieve the same arousal with these new videos of throat and face-fucking, which included obvious signs of breathplay, e.g. the female struggling to breathe (all consensual, of course), and basically just mimicked the essence of the videos that started this entire dilemma.
For further clarification: I was also never turned on my the prospect of me engaging in the acts, but watching them performed on others; if that makes any sense. I DO however want to get turned on by the thought of sexual intercourse with a partner.
I have looked into porn addiction, porn induced erectile dysfunction (I am a female, but thought the issue might apply to me too), and other related topics, but haven't been able to fix this issue. I can only get aroused if I'm watching the specific porn mentioned, or thinking about videos I've watched in the past. Mentally, I'm super into sex and everything related, and I have fun sleeping with sexual partner(s), pleasing them, etc. But for some reason, I just can't get aroused. I'm devastated, and suspect that I may have conditioned by brain by watching only facesitting porn from such a young age, and essentially programming my brain to only become aroused at this. I don't know what to do! All I want is to get aroused to 'plain'/"vanilla" sex. Mentally, the prospect of it is really enjoyable, because it's intimate, and romantic, etc. I also don't think my kink is completely taboo, but I want to turn it down a notch and get aroused to more simple things, to enjoy sexual intercourse with a partner, be able to fantasise about a partner and get aroused, and not rely on my kink anymore.
I watched porn for the first time at about 11 years old, discovering it in the form of 'facesitting'. In retrospect, I don't know what drove me to pursuing the habit, and I wish I would've never discovered it. I regularly masturbated to videos of the fetish, and nothing else- ever. As time went by, I found myself growing aroused by the topic, even just thinking about it, but especially watching videos. Once I had my first sexual partner (at around 15 years old), I came to the realisation that they could not make me orgasm, or even really turn me on in the first place. I was mentally totally into sexual intercourse, but could not get aroused. I blamed it on the level of skill of my partner, coming to the conclusion that a more experienced partner would have no difficulties turning me on. I kept watching the porn videos on the side, effortlessly getting aroused and achieving orgasm. As I pursued more sexual partners, I realised that it wasn't an issue on their behalf, as plenty were very experienced and pretty much replicated the technique I would use to masturbate on my own- a fruitless effort nonetheless. At 19, I tried to stop watching the facesitting videos to try and find something more related to the sex I WANTED to be having. Giving a guy head has always been a huge turn-on for me- mentally that is- so I tried to watch videos of blowjobs. Frustratingly, I found that I could only achieve the same arousal with these new videos of throat and face-fucking, which included obvious signs of breathplay, e.g. the female struggling to breathe (all consensual, of course), and basically just mimicked the essence of the videos that started this entire dilemma.
For further clarification: I was also never turned on my the prospect of me engaging in the acts, but watching them performed on others; if that makes any sense. I DO however want to get turned on by the thought of sexual intercourse with a partner.
I have looked into porn addiction, porn induced erectile dysfunction (I am a female, but thought the issue might apply to me too), and other related topics, but haven't been able to fix this issue. I can only get aroused if I'm watching the specific porn mentioned, or thinking about videos I've watched in the past. Mentally, I'm super into sex and everything related, and I have fun sleeping with sexual partner(s), pleasing them, etc. But for some reason, I just can't get aroused. I'm devastated, and suspect that I may have conditioned by brain by watching only facesitting porn from such a young age, and essentially programming my brain to only become aroused at this. I don't know what to do! All I want is to get aroused to 'plain'/"vanilla" sex. Mentally, the prospect of it is really enjoyable, because it's intimate, and romantic, etc. I also don't think my kink is completely taboo, but I want to turn it down a notch and get aroused to more simple things, to enjoy sexual intercourse with a partner, be able to fantasise about a partner and get aroused, and not rely on my kink anymore.