my mother is extremely homophobic and it hurts
Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2023 10:50 am
I don't want to mention specifics here, but for information:
My mother is extremely religious— at least by irreligious standards. For our religion, she's pretty much moderate— which can give you an idea of what kind of culture we are in.
She's extremely homophobic, but she's also quite the succint and well-read woman— she doesn't show how ragingly homophobic she is in public, doesn't curse out the rare gay couple in public— and if you asked her, as an outsider or a coworker, she would just sound like she is mildly uncomfortable because it isn't her thing, but mostly apathetic. In the privacy of our home and our family members, though, she shows her true colours.
She supports conversion therapy, especially the forceful type, and often talks about 'curing' gay people of their homosexuality. She often derides the gay people she sees in media, and most often she 'calls out' to me how they are 'ruining the world' and making it seem as if though being gay is normal — to her, being straight is the correct and not sinful option. She constantly insults them under her breath, warns me away from them, talks about how they are ruining the world, etc. etc. Once she warned me to stay away from girls who were trying to be 'too friendly' to me because they could be lesbians in disguise. Constantly, she reminds me how it is a sin, and how I will be punished for it.
And, being a lesbian myself, with a girl who has been the light of my life, who has been a wonderful girlfriend— being called a sinner that ruins the state of the world? Being seen as a sort of pedophilic predatory thing instead of someone who just wants to find a form of love that fits? It hurts. I cannot cry much, as I rarely am able to cry, so it just hurts on the inside, in my heart, like a physical pain. I am so afraid of getting found out, and I am so afraid of losing my mother's love...
I hate being the evil one, the one corrupting everything...
My mother is extremely religious— at least by irreligious standards. For our religion, she's pretty much moderate— which can give you an idea of what kind of culture we are in.
She's extremely homophobic, but she's also quite the succint and well-read woman— she doesn't show how ragingly homophobic she is in public, doesn't curse out the rare gay couple in public— and if you asked her, as an outsider or a coworker, she would just sound like she is mildly uncomfortable because it isn't her thing, but mostly apathetic. In the privacy of our home and our family members, though, she shows her true colours.
She supports conversion therapy, especially the forceful type, and often talks about 'curing' gay people of their homosexuality. She often derides the gay people she sees in media, and most often she 'calls out' to me how they are 'ruining the world' and making it seem as if though being gay is normal — to her, being straight is the correct and not sinful option. She constantly insults them under her breath, warns me away from them, talks about how they are ruining the world, etc. etc. Once she warned me to stay away from girls who were trying to be 'too friendly' to me because they could be lesbians in disguise. Constantly, she reminds me how it is a sin, and how I will be punished for it.
And, being a lesbian myself, with a girl who has been the light of my life, who has been a wonderful girlfriend— being called a sinner that ruins the state of the world? Being seen as a sort of pedophilic predatory thing instead of someone who just wants to find a form of love that fits? It hurts. I cannot cry much, as I rarely am able to cry, so it just hurts on the inside, in my heart, like a physical pain. I am so afraid of getting found out, and I am so afraid of losing my mother's love...
I hate being the evil one, the one corrupting everything...