behavioural problems and no therapist (yet)

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Lyle Lanley
not a newbie
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Joined: Thu Mar 11, 2021 8:19 am
Age: 16
Primary language: english (not native)
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity and orientation: grey-acearo genderqueer guy
Location: europe

behavioural problems and no therapist (yet)

Unread post by Lyle Lanley »

i have quite a few problems with my behaviour. i always tend to make myself the victim in everything, get always offended and feel called into question even when there's nothing to do with me.
also sometimes i say things and i mean them neutrally or even jokingly but they offend people.

for example today in class we were discussing bathroom turns and how many people had gone out while the teachers weren't in and i said "well may i please go to the bathroom, i need it seriously" (my intention was not to imply that the others didn't "need it seriously".) and obviously they got mad.
and then, i said "i'll go when (x classmate name i got wrong) returns." so someone said "haha who's x"
and then the straw that broke the camel's back is when i said "now you tease me even for this"
maybe in my language it sounds ruder than in english, but i said it istintively and i didn't mean to imply that there have been previous instances of them teasing me. but somehow it came across as that and a good half of the hour was spent discussing (angrily) about this wrong behaviour of mine.
i said i know i have a victim complex, one of the people said "yeah we figured" and at that moment i got up cos i was feeling uncomfortable in my bladder and still hadn't gone to the toilet. i went a few moments later.

then later this got briefly brought up and i was "accused" of getting up because i got mad at the person saying everyone was aware of my victim complex. i said "i didn't get up for that" and heard a swarm of sarcastic "nooooooo"s.
they say this behaviour of mine could get them in trouble cos i accuse them of doing things they didn't.

and this isn't the first time. this had even worse consequences last year, and i admit i have not just crossed the line, but i did a whole dance number on it.

tomorrow we will discuss this with a teacher and i am scared. this teacher has noticed previous issues i had and called my parents once, they got quite disappointed and decided to call a therapist on me, which i had to go to until a year ago.
now i need help again cos there are so many issues i have, not just this victim complex and social ineptness, but many other things.

i was thinking of telling them i need a therapist but i don't know if i'll have to wait to see tomorrow what happens. i hate to think that i made an entire class mad at me, but you can't get along with everybody, can't you?
Estuve en tu jaula, hombre pequeñito,
hombre pequeñito que jaula me das.
Digo pequeñito porque no me entiendes,
ni me entenderás.

Tampoco te entiendo, pero mientras tanto
ábreme la jaula que quiero escapar;
hombre pequeñito, te amé media hora,
no me pidas más.

Alfonsina Storni, Hombre Pequeñito
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 213
Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2022 11:18 am
Age: 21
Awesomeness Quotient: I have a guinea pig
Primary language: ENG, ESP, RUS
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: Queer
Location: USA

Re: behavioural problems and no therapist (yet)

Unread post by nicole »

Hi Lyle Lanley,

I'm really sorry you endured this treatment from your classmates. From what you've told me, I really don't think you necessarily did anything wrong. Even if you did, this is all in the past now, so I really recommend taking some time to analyze your behavior and see what you can do to learn and grow from your past mistakes. Sometimes we all speak before we think and have regrets based on our past actions. Since this is all in the past, we really can't do anything about it now, but rather take the time to process what happened and how to improve for the future.

Now, you did mention that you have interest in seeing a therapist again. I think everyone could benefit from seeing a therapist, so if you are able to access one at the moment, then definitely give it a try. I would try to avoid labelling these incidents as you having a "victim complex" and "social ineptness," but rather wait and see what a therapist tells you when you tell them about what has been going on. I hope my advice resonates with you and please keep us updated if you are comfortable! Take care.
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