I don’t know what my romantic orientation is…

Brand-new? This is the place for your questions and discussions on any and all topics, with fellow users or staff, while you get your feet wet.
matcha moon
newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2022 5:25 am
Age: 15
Awesomeness Quotient: I try my best to understand other people
Primary language: English/Spanish
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity and orientation: Asexual (sex-repulsed) and some form of aromantic
Location: Europe

I don’t know what my romantic orientation is…

Unread post by matcha moon »

I’ve known for a while now that I’m asexual, but I can never decide what my romantic orientation is, which is frustrating for me.
I know I could just chose not to label it, but I feel way more comfortable with myself knowing exactly what I am, and it makes it easier to convince people you haven’t just made it up.

I often think I’m omniromantic, or somewhere on the bi spectrum, but then I think how, though I feel like I have had crushes, I’ve never really wanted to be in a serious relationship with someone. I would like to kiss someone, preferably someone of the same gender (it’s just something about the thought of kissing a guy that makes me uncomfortable) and I want to live with someone who I’m comfortable with and who understands me, and I want to hug them/hold their hand, but I don’t want to have to commit to a romantic relationship, go on dates, get married, etc…

This thought process led me to believe I was aromantic, but all the things I’ve heard from aromantic people go along the lines of “I’ve never had a crush before” or something like that, which isn’t true for me, unless I’ve just been jumping to conclusions about all my “crushes” and the only thing I feel for them is admiration/wanting to be their friend…
It makes it even more complicated that I’ve only had one crush on someone I thought was a girl, but it turns out he’s trans, so I didn’t know what to think anymore… I then looked up my concerns and found that your attraction is based on what gender you perceive the person to be, which is when I realised that when I think of that person I don’t connect him to any specific gender, it’s just “*insert friend’s name*” who uses he/him pronouns…
I can’t be panromantic though, because all the other crushes I’ve had, I was hyper aware that they were guys… idk

Sorry for this rant, I hope someone can answer it in some way, though I understand it’s complicated…
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 8357
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 31
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: I don’t know what my romantic orientation is…

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi matcha moon,

I think one thing that may help you when thinking about your romantic orientation is to know that someone can desire romance without desiring a long term relationship. After all, plenty of short term or casual relationships can have those romantic components you mention yourself wanting. Does that fact make it feel like omniromantic or biromantic is in fact the term that resonate with you?

Too, it may help to remember that you're still pretty young in the grand scheme of things. That doesn't mean you can't, or shouldn't be, exploring your identity and working out just how you feel about sex and romance. What it does mean is that, as time goes on, you're likely to get more life experiences that may help you understand your orientation more, so it may be easier to find a term that feels right as you get older.
matcha moon
newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2022 5:25 am
Age: 15
Awesomeness Quotient: I try my best to understand other people
Primary language: English/Spanish
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity and orientation: Asexual (sex-repulsed) and some form of aromantic
Location: Europe

Re: I don’t know what my romantic orientation is…

Unread post by matcha moon »

Hi!
Thank you for replying, I hadn’t thought about casual relationships and how they work, and I like how you mentioned that I should chose the orientation that makes me feel comfortable 😁
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 8357
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 31
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: I don’t know what my romantic orientation is…

Unread post by Sam W »

You're very welcome, and I'm glad it helped!
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic