So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 10 months now. I really like him. I want to be with him for as long as possible. Sometimes I have trouble accepting that he loves me and won’t hurt me like my ex did. I’m a little scared to admit how much I like my current boyfriend, because I’m afraid of being completely vulnerable.
Usually my boyfriend is the best person - he makes jokes to make me feel better, he compliments me, and he really values our quality time together. He makes me really happy.
But these last few months have been the most stressful thing I’ve gone through - not because of him though. (Gender/sexuality confusion, family issues, covid, trying to get good grades, planning for the summer vacation, and also thinking about my ex boyfriend and how he treated me.)
I told my current boyfriend I really need him right now. I want so much of his time and attention because I’ve been really depressed and I need his support and love. I’ve asked him to say he loves me and text me to ask if I’m okay more often. I’ve asked him to initiate things; ask me out, tell me sweet things he likes about me, hold me and tell me he loves me. Sure, he’s done the telling me he loves me part... but yesterday I really needed him to stay with me and make sure I’m okay but he seemed to care more about the school curfew than me. He stopped holding me and was just laughing with another friend about some video game they play and it made me feel like I don’t matter, like I’m not a priority to him. I asked him to stay but he wanted to leave and I feel so angry and upset but I don’t want have to to end our relationship over this. I just want him to put in more effort - he didn’t even text to ask if I was doing better.
He wants to meet to talk about his own feelings and needs and I think that’s so selfish right now. I asked simple things from him and he hasn’t even done those. He knows I’m going through a lot - too much. He knows I’ve cut myself and that my grades are lower because of my being overwhelmed about all the little things that have been consuming my mind. I don’t want to talk about him. I want him to be here for me when I ask him to. I shouldn’t even have to ask. I deserve his time when I feel upset.
What do I do??? I really love him and he makes me so happy but I need sooooo much more from him. I want him to put in effort.