I'm sorry to hear that you've had to go through all this, on top of the pandemic!! Quarantine has kept many of us away from our regular coping mechanisms, I'm sure. I hope that you've been able to connect with friends virtually, or been able to incorporate them into your bubble for the time being.
On another note a big red flag as to why I felt I needed to leave this person is that I realized our circumstances were identical to that of mine and a past ex. I also feel like my ex before this most recent relationship turned some language into something triggering maybe? Everytime a partner asks "Are you breaking up with me?" now my first instinct is to say no because I almost instantly feel some air of guilt around it and think I should just "try harder" or be nicer about it than just plainly saying no because it feels so harsh. With my now new ex, I felt like they were trying very hard whereas I stopped putting in effort when physical intimacy (my primary love language) went out the window. I feel like I could've put in more effort like I did in that other relationship at 19 but as I get older I'm learning I can't do the same things like I used to.
I totally get that. I too have prolonged friendships or toxic behaviors within my relationships because it was easier to go along with the other person rather than confronting how I felt. I'm glad you were able to get out of that situation.
am setting a hard boundary on what I want instead of drifting around doing whatever without any sort of regard of my own comfort. When I really think it over hooking up was never really my problem. It was being unclear and failing to be honest with my intentions and needs with myself.
I want to make sure I don't fall back into extremism with my decisions. I also don't want to make the mistake of "ending up" in another relationship or trying to fight what feels like everything in the world to be with someone
It sounds like you're doing some really important work with yourself! What do you mean by extremism? And, if you don't mind me asking, why is it that you feel like you "end up" in relationships? Not in a victim-blame-y way; I want to continue this conversation about your approach to and habits within relationships, but don't get me wrong. The situation(s) you were in before sounds manipulative and didn't seem good for you.
Setting boundaries in this way sounds like a good idea for sure, and I also get wanting to tend to your need to grieve while also being mindful of your need for intimacy. We have resources on the site about recovering from bad relationships and how to navigate healthy ones that affirm these same ideas. I'll suggest one here
, but I invite you to come back to the boards or search the relationships tag if you want to continue talking these things through.