Is it normal that gaining weight makes me feel sexy?

Brand-new? This is the place for your questions and discussions on any and all topics, with fellow users or staff, while you get your feet wet.
belled
not a newbie
Posts: 29
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2021 4:33 pm
Age: 18
Primary language: English
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: Queer
Location: Wisconsin

Is it normal that gaining weight makes me feel sexy?

Unread post by belled »

Content warning: I’ll be talking a lot about my weight in this post

Hi! I’m an 18-year-old queer girl and lately I’m having lots of weird thoughts about sex in relation to my weight. It’s a little complicated, but I’ll try to explain it clearly.

I’ve struggled off and on with body image since I was 12 or 13. I know I’m not overweight and I don’t have an actual eating disorder or anything, but my weight tends to fluctuate throughout the year, I get really insecure when I’m heavier.

About a year ago, I gained a little weight during the holiday season and I just felt really fat and gross, so I started looking for body positive models on Instagram. I found some photos of big, gorgeous women posing in bikinis and lingerie, and I had a little gay heart attack. I started having fantasies about sleeping with very large women. In the past, all my crushes were my size or smaller. I still feel attracted to skinny girls, but lately, bigger women just seem so much sexier. (Just FYI, I’ve never actually dated anyone, so my only experiences with attraction are with one-sides crushes).

Since I found those pictures, I’ve been having really weird thoughts about sex and my own body. I’ve gained 10 pounds in quarantine, and I think it’s making me horny. I’ve found that I get really turned on when I touch my stomach. Sometimes I hide in my room and rub my belly (especially after a meal), and I swear it feels so good. I’m even having wet dreams about being extremely fat or eating until I’m stuffed. I always identified as a more masculine queer girl with an athletic body, but I think being a bit heavier makes me feel more feminine and sexy.

For the first time in years, I’m not scared of getting fat. In fact, I sometimes catch myself wanting to gain more weight because I think larger women are so hot. I know I’m not one of those “extreme feeder” people, but sometimes I dream about being 100 pounds heavier and I get so turned on by the idea. I’m not going to start binge-eating just to get this new dream body, but I’ll admit I’m really curious about how I would look and feel if I keep gaining weight. I know everyone tells me that I’m not supposed to change my body just to be sexy, but I really like how I feel about myself and I don’t think putting on an extra 10-20 pounds would hurt. I’d still be considered a healthy weight. Is it wrong to gain weight on purpose just because it makes me feel hot?

Do you have any tips for dealing with the relationship between sexuality and body image?
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7485
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Is it normal that gaining weight makes me feel sexy?

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi belled,

People can find all sorts of things, including gaining weight or being on the bigger end of sizes, attractive. And that can include finding those traits attractive in themselves as well as other people. So there's nothing inherently weird about what you're describing. Too, there are plenty of people out there who have sexual preferences that tie into things like food or eating.

You can, of course, do what you want with your own body. But I'd caution against trying to gain 10-20 more pounds, if only because making radical changes to our bodies or diets (whether that's to gain weight or to lose it) can have unanticipated consequences for our health. That's why you'll see us recommending that anyone who wants to pursue a major change in their diet or body consult with a healthcare provider before embarking on it.

In terms of dealing with the relationship between sexuality and body image, are there certain elements of that relationship you want advice on or want to explore?
belled
not a newbie
Posts: 29
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2021 4:33 pm
Age: 18
Primary language: English
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: Queer
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Is it normal that gaining weight makes me feel sexy?

Unread post by belled »

Sam W wrote:Hi belled,

People can find all sorts of things, including gaining weight or being on the bigger end of sizes, attractive. And that can include finding those traits attractive in themselves as well as other people. So there's nothing inherently weird about what you're describing. Too, there are plenty of people out there who have sexual preferences that tie into things like food or eating.

You can, of course, do what you want with your own body. But I'd caution against trying to gain 10-20 more pounds, if only because making radical changes to our bodies or diets (whether that's to gain weight or to lose it) can have unanticipated consequences for our health. That's why you'll see us recommending that anyone who wants to pursue a major change in their diet or body consult with a healthcare provider before embarking on it.

In terms of dealing with the relationship between sexuality and body image, are there certain elements of that relationship you want advice on or want to explore?
Hi! Thank you so much for the quick reply! Your tips make me feel a lot better. I’m going to follow your advice and not try changing my weight on purpose. I didn’t really think about the potential health side effects tbh. I’ve been feeling super weird lately about my body, but your response is really comforting.

Bottom line, I think I’m trying to figure out how my perspective on my body changed so much in a short period of time. One day, I hated my body because I had gained a few pounds. Then a week later, I couldn’t stop touching my stomach and fantasizing about being fat. I just feel weird because it’s like my brain just switched from one extreme to the other.

I guess I’m just looking for some advice on how to handle this whole situation before it turns into an obsession or something. I just feel really overwhelmed by all these thoughts and feelings that are constantly bombarding me. Lately, I feel like I’m always horny and there’s no way to calm myself down. I’ve tried masturbating, but I’m honestly not a fan (I’m a bit of a germaphobe and I don’t like getting my hands dirty). I tried looking at pictures of hot women (I don’t feel comfortable looking for porn, so I usually look up pictures of women in bikinis and lingerie), but they only get me more worked up. I’ve thought about getting a toy to help, but I still live with my mom and I don’t want to risk having her find it.

I’ve found a few new ways to feel satisfied, but I’m not sure if they’re maladaptive. When I first started rubbing my stomach, it felt really calming. But now I feel like I can’t stop doing it. I find myself just grabbing at my tummy all day long. I also find myself overeating lately. Occasionally, I eat an extra helping at dinner, then sit in bed in my underwear and put my hands on my full belly. I don’t think it counts as binge eating because 1) I’m fully conscious and in control of what I’m doing and 2) it’s not like I’m eating enough for five people or anything. But I know it’s slowly making me gain weight, and eventually I won’t be able to keep doing it without my family realizing that something is going on. And I don’t want it to keep developing into an obsession that takes over my life.

Basically, I’m having trouble focusing on my everyday life because I feel like one big walking hormone. So I guess my bigger question is “How do I cool off in a healthy way so I can get back to my regular life?”

Thanks again for all your help.
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7485
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Is it normal that gaining weight makes me feel sexy?

Unread post by Sam W »

You're welcome, and I'm glad my answer was helpful!

In terms of feeling like a giant ball of hormones, I want to touch on masturbation really quick. You mention there's a little bit of germophobia going on, but there could be some ways of masturbating that help you release some of that pent up sexual feeling without grossing you out. For instance, what if you tried it in the bath or the shower? Or, if you could get them easily, using latex gloves when you masturbate? And if you're curious about sex toys but don't want to risk your mom discovering them, this article has ways for you to D.I.Y some from things you have around the house or can easily access: D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition.

Are these changes to your body relatively new? And do you feel like your brain is still pinging back and forth between hating them and loving them?
belled
not a newbie
Posts: 29
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2021 4:33 pm
Age: 18
Primary language: English
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: Queer
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Is it normal that gaining weight makes me feel sexy?

Unread post by belled »

Sam W wrote:You're welcome, and I'm glad my answer was helpful!

In terms of feeling like a giant ball of hormones, I want to touch on masturbation really quick. You mention there's a little bit of germophobia going on, but there could be some ways of masturbating that help you release some of that pent up sexual feeling without grossing you out. For instance, what if you tried it in the bath or the shower? Or, if you could get them easily, using latex gloves when you masturbate? And if you're curious about sex toys but don't want to risk your mom discovering them, this article has ways for you to D.I.Y some from things you have around the house or can easily access: D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition.

Are these changes to your body relatively new? And do you feel like your brain is still pinging back and forth between hating them and loving them?
Thanks Sam! I really like your tip about wearing latex gloves. I haven’t been able to do it in the past because it feels slimy and then I get too squeamish and tense to get my fingers in. I’ll definitely give it a shot. Also, I read the article you linked and I’ll definitely look into some of those options. I do have an old electric toothbrush on hand.

As for the changes in my body, I guess they’re fairly new? My body has been gradually filling out since I was about 13, but my metabolism has slowed down a lot over the past 2 years. I used to eat tons of junk food and never gain a pound. Now if I eat pizza and skip working out for a couple days, my pants get tight. I definitely feel conflicted about these changes. I feel like my body is stuck between two phases. Sometimes I wish I was still the skinny girl I was when I was 12, and sometimes I wish I was a gorgeous, thick goddess. And my brain can switch back and forth between both thoughts throughout the day. It’s all very confusing to me.

I think it’s complicated because I’m attracted to different body types in different ways. I’ve noticed that I feel more energetic and confident when I’m thinner, but I feel sexier and more feminine when I’m heavier. For me, there’s pros and cons to both body types.
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7485
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Is it normal that gaining weight makes me feel sexy?

Unread post by Sam W »

I'm glad some of the options in the article look doable!

Our bodies being in flux (or maybe noticeably in flux, since they're always changing to some degree) can definitely raise some complex feelings, or leave us question what we want our bodies to look like or what we want them to do. I wonder, what if you took some time to think about goals for your body that aren't necessarily tied to weight, but are tied to things that make you feel positive about yourself and what you see in the mirror? That could be a fitness goal (like gradually working up to a cool hike you want to take, or finding yoga that works for your body, and so on) or something more playful, like experimenting with make-up or clothes.
belled
not a newbie
Posts: 29
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2021 4:33 pm
Age: 18
Primary language: English
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: Queer
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Is it normal that gaining weight makes me feel sexy?

Unread post by belled »

Sam W wrote:I'm glad some of the options in the article look doable!

Our bodies being in flux (or maybe noticeably in flux, since they're always changing to some degree) can definitely raise some complex feelings, or leave us question what we want our bodies to look like or what we want them to do. I wonder, what if you took some time to think about goals for your body that aren't necessarily tied to weight, but are tied to things that make you feel positive about yourself and what you see in the mirror? That could be a fitness goal (like gradually working up to a cool hike you want to take, or finding yoga that works for your body, and so on) or something more playful, like experimenting with make-up or clothes.
That’s a really good suggestion! I kind of feel like I’m stuck in a fashion rut, and I’ve been contemplating getting a new look for a while. I never really thought about how it could help how I feel about myself, but I’ll definitely try it. I think I’ll start by trying some new makeup and clothes. Thanks for the idea!
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7485
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Is it normal that gaining weight makes me feel sexy?

Unread post by Sam W »

You're welcome, I hope you find some looks that make you feel stellar!
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic