My crushes insta is no longer to be found ... So what to I do now

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
Sabine
not a newbie
Posts: 164
Joined: Tue May 19, 2020 6:27 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: The way I can really think and analyze
My primary language: English
My pronouns: She/Her
My sexual identity and orientation: Lesbian
Location: California, USA

My crushes insta is no longer to be found ... So what to I do now

Unread postby Sabine » Fri Aug 07, 2020 2:24 am

Well, my crushes insta is not found. I feel I scared I scared her off even though I did not send her a message. I looked on my personal one, her Insta is not found too. I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do, I cried so much. I’m sad.

Well, I do want to consul the friend she has been vibing (I think) with and ask her about what happened. She’s a great follower of mine and a friend too. We met at the same Speed Dating events. Do you think thats a good idea?

Well either way, I do feel like I need to give up finding new people to date/make friends or trying to date/make friends. But, a part of me never wants to give up.

My mom’s friend’s daughter and her girlfriend repeatedly don’t try to work with me. Maybe it’s my fault because I don’t initiate so much. Also, my Mom’s friends daughter who is Brazilian didn’t respond to my text, which I respected and probably moved on. So that’s why I am hesitant to make new friends in Austria and I am kinda nervous every time I text friends in the US (though I have no problem eventually, for some reason).

I fear them eventually ghosting me or blocking the insta. Because of me, I sometimes interpret it as my own disgusting behavior and that I didn’t do enough or did too much. I really didn’t play the game and I didn’t get a friend/date.

Because of this fear, I am nervous to meet new friends or date in Austria, not just because of the whole long distance, but because of the whole ghosting and distancing thing (either from me or them). OR they can be MUCH worse, a pushy person or a stalker (overtexting, overbearing, pressuring me, wanting THEIR way ONLY ... etc).

.... Because of my situation, I feel like sometimes I don’t belong anywhere and no one may date me/befriend me. And when I see people get partners during quarantine, I get so sad yet happy for them, knowing it may be so hard for me. Its not their fault, but I don’t want to be a burden for them nor break their heart ultimately (and vice versa).

So what to do? How do I recover? What to do moving foward? I’m so sad about my current situation and asking people about it. I just want to be friends with her and I know there are speed dating events to make friends/dates, so maybe make consitent friends. Idk ... maybe I am just a bother to her and to every new person ...

And just when I want to open myself to long distance, I kinda maybe want to close myself up to dating and friending all together ...

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7057
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: My crushes insta is no longer to be found ... So what to I do now

Unread postby Sam W » Fri Aug 07, 2020 7:32 am

Hi Sabine,

I'm sorry, I know that connection with your crush was important to you. It may help to remember that people leave a social media platform for all sorts of reasons, so in all likelihood her account being gone has nothing to do with you.

Something else that may help is to, as much as you can, try to dial down that impulse to see one outcome as indicative of how your whole future will be. It sucks to lose a crush, but that doesn't mean you'll never find a partner. And it sucks to feel like friendships aren't clicking, but it doesn't mean you won't have friendships down the line. Does that make sense?

You mentioned in a previous thread that you and your therapist mainly talk about how you're coping with life under Coronavirus. Have the two of you talked at all about how to combat negative self talk? I ask because I see a lot of here, and that kind of inner monologue can really impede out ability to make connections with people.

Sabine
not a newbie
Posts: 164
Joined: Tue May 19, 2020 6:27 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: The way I can really think and analyze
My primary language: English
My pronouns: She/Her
My sexual identity and orientation: Lesbian
Location: California, USA

Re: My crushes insta is no longer to be found ... So what to I do now

Unread postby Sabine » Fri Aug 07, 2020 10:35 am

Do you think she will come back on social media based on past interactions. I have gotten over that. But, also I have contacted that mutual friend, (which is a super bad idea I thought and I am super anxious that she is going to block me and unfollow me too, I am trembling so much).

It makes super sense, but I have tried so hard during quarantine! So hard and it’s not working so much. My friends are mostly busy and I am try to not push anybodies boundaries (which also means not taking risks or making mistakes). I am trying to gage whether they like me or not to have the best outcome. If they are busy multiple times or don’t respond, I usually leave them alone and want to give them their space.

I have talked them about it, but its NOT going through my head. Must be so stupid or stubborn and dumb! Why is it happening now? I am SOOOO social of a person and I am trying!!!

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7057
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: My crushes insta is no longer to be found ... So what to I do now

Unread postby Sam W » Fri Aug 07, 2020 10:44 am

That's one of those things I simply can't answer. I think it'd probably be more helpful to focus on feeling your feelings and getting to a spot where you're okay with the idea she may not come back.

With your friends, do you feel like you could mention your fears about being pushy to them? It's not that odd for friends to have conversations where they check in about how much or what kind of contact works best for them.

You're not any of those negative things, I promise. Anxiety can make it so hard to accept things we know are true. If you notice nothing seems to working, then it might be time to talk with your therapist about switching approaches or coping mechanisms to see if you can find one that works. Too, I think you might benefit from the advice in this article: Self-Care When It's Scary.


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