First time.

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Nwtsyeezy
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First time.

Unread postby Nwtsyeezy » Wed Jul 15, 2020 5:52 pm

So I had sex for the first time 4 days ago and he didn’t wear a condom and he told me he didn’t ejaculate in me only pre cum. He didn’t go fully in me. I’m really scared because I cannot risk any baby right now and I don’t know who to talk to. I did the last day of my period and I bled on the sheet when he inserted in me. I noticed very mild bleeding for the next 2 days and it didn’t seem like period blood. I’m scared because I do not know if it is implantion bleeding or the hymen breaking bleeding.

Sam W
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Re: First time.

Unread postby Sam W » Thu Jul 16, 2020 7:41 am

Hi Nwtsyeezy,

So, we can't say for certain what the bleeding was. It could have been your period going a little long or, if you were tense during sex or it was rough, you could have had a small cut or tear (the hymen is actually very different from what many people assume: My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It). As far as implantation bleeding, implantation usually takes five days to two weeks to occur, it would not be happening the day after you had sex.

Can I ask why, if pregnancy is something you cannot risk right now, you two opted to go without a condom? Pulling out does offer a decent amount of protection if done correctly, but not nearly as much as a condom or something like the pill. Too, are you and he both up to date on your STI tests?

Nwtsyeezy
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Re: First time.

Unread postby Nwtsyeezy » Thu Jul 16, 2020 11:08 am

We did do a condom but it wasn’t working out. It was definitely rough and I was in pain afterwards. But honestly I can’t risk pregnancy. It was a stupid decision but we told each other next time we will use it. He said he did not cum in me and is fully confident he didn’t. He told me he can’t control pre ejaculatory fluid but I’m pretty sure he did that inside of me. Are there any early symptoms that can tell if one is pregant? It has been 5 days now since it’s happened.

Heather
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Re: First time.

Unread postby Heather » Thu Jul 16, 2020 11:28 am

You could go and get emergency contraception today and it may still work for you. You'll be at the end of the time period when it can, so it'll be more like 75% effective rather than the 95% it can be when taken earlier. But it sounds like you really don't want to be pregnant, so that 75% can make a big difference, including for your peace of mind. Do you know where and how to get it?

We can't engage with pregnancy scares beyond this, but know that pregnancy doesn't happen so fast (which is why EC can still work), so there won't be any way of knowing if you're going to become pregnant, because even if you do, you wouldn't be pregnant yet.

You'll also want to look into STI testing in the next month or so, so if you need help finding that, we can help, too.

Did you both need some information on how to use condoms properly, or help troubleshooting whatever you were having trouble with? Also, did this person ask you if he could take his condom off? If so, was it something you said was okay? Something you felt able to say no to if it wasn't okay with you (it doesn't sound like it is, that's why I ask)?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Nwtsyeezy
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Re: First time.

Unread postby Nwtsyeezy » Thu Jul 16, 2020 11:38 am

I didn’t really mind it because he told me he would only go in half way. What is the name of this emergency contraception pill? I will try to look into sti testing but it was also his first time just as mine.

Heather
scarleteen founder & director
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Re: First time.

Unread postby Heather » Thu Jul 16, 2020 11:54 am

His first time with any kind of sex, or just with intercourse?

Just so you know for the future, going in "halfway" doesn't change any of the risks intercourse poses. You still will have the same level of STI and pregnancy risks. What reduces those risks with intercourse is condom use and, if wanted and within reach, an additional method of birth control.

EC pills have several brand names. What you do to get it is go to your closest pharmacy or clinic (a hospital ER is another option) and tell them you want emergency contraception. Some pharmacies keep it behind the pharmacy counter, others will have it on shelves (but usually in those lock boxes, so you have to ask someone for it no matter what).
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Nwtsyeezy
not a newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2020 11:34 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: Style
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Re: First time.

Unread postby Nwtsyeezy » Thu Jul 16, 2020 12:26 pm

I just picked up a plan b pill from the pharmacy. I googled it and it said plan b can effective up until 5 days. Is this good enough?

Heather
scarleteen founder & director
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Location: Chicago

Re: First time.

Unread postby Heather » Thu Jul 16, 2020 12:28 pm

It's the only thing you can do at this point, and like I said, even at the end of that time window where you are, it's still about 75% effective. Using nothing would be 0% protection. So, obviously there's a big difference. Glad you were able to get that for yourself. <3
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Nwtsyeezy
not a newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2020 11:34 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: Style
My primary language: English
My pronouns: She
My sexual identity and orientation: Straight
Location: California

Re: First time.

Unread postby Nwtsyeezy » Thu Jul 16, 2020 12:34 pm

Thanks so much for being able to reply to me fast :) really helps a lot!

Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 8268
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I know every word of The Lorax by heart.
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Location: Chicago

Re: First time.

Unread postby Heather » Thu Jul 16, 2020 12:55 pm

Happy to be of help.

Did you want to talk about condom use or how to access other methods of birth control for any next times? It's also okay to come back another time for that if you feel like you already have enough on your plate today. :)
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Nwtsyeezy
not a newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2020 11:34 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: Style
My primary language: English
My pronouns: She
My sexual identity and orientation: Straight
Location: California

Re: First time.

Unread postby Nwtsyeezy » Thu Jul 16, 2020 2:27 pm

I know about condom use I will make sure next time It’s to be used for sure. I wanted to mentioned one thing. So it’s been 6-5 days since it happened. We did it two days in a row. But the 5th day is when we really went in me. The first day I just used the same towel to clean myself up as he did. Is there still any risk or change?

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 6825
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
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Re: First time.

Unread postby Sam W » Fri Jul 17, 2020 7:00 am

Hi Nwtsyeezy,

Nope, that doesn't change the risk; sperm can't pass from one person to another via something like a towel and still be viable, so that just leaves you with the risk of pregnancy we already covered.

Nwtsyeezy
not a newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2020 11:34 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: Style
My primary language: English
My pronouns: She
My sexual identity and orientation: Straight
Location: California

Re: First time.

Unread postby Nwtsyeezy » Fri Jul 17, 2020 8:57 am

Okay thanks a lot for repsonding to me in a time like this. Glad you guys were available with quick responses

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 6825
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: First time.

Unread postby Sam W » Fri Jul 17, 2020 9:00 am

You're welcome! If you have other questions or need support later on, you're welcome to ask them.

Nwtsyeezy
not a newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2020 11:34 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: Style
My primary language: English
My pronouns: She
My sexual identity and orientation: Straight
Location: California

Re: First time.

Unread postby Nwtsyeezy » Fri Jul 17, 2020 11:46 am

I’m sorry but I just want to clarify your last comment^. Did you mean that using a towel that has sperm on it and cleaning my vagina with it after can’t transfer and cause pregnancy correct? He kind of went inside of my the first day and the next day he went inside and I took the pill yesterday. Is there still chance of prevention of pregnancy? I’m sorry I am annoying you guys.

Mo
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Re: First time.

Unread postby Mo » Fri Jul 17, 2020 3:15 pm

Did you mean that using a towel that has sperm on it and cleaning my vagina with it after can’t transfer and cause pregnancy correct?

That's correct. We have a helpful guide to what can and can't cause pregnancy here: Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That? that you may want to check for future reference. :)

Nwtsyeezy
not a newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2020 11:34 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: Style
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Location: California

Re: First time.

Unread postby Nwtsyeezy » Fri Jul 17, 2020 3:29 pm

Okay thank you a lot for the help. It’s really appreciated. Thank you.

Mo
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 1888
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
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Re: First time.

Unread postby Mo » Fri Jul 17, 2020 3:40 pm

You're welcome! :)


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