Hi, thanks Sam!! You know what, I think I might talk a bit more— I guess I was embarrassed about sharing something like this opening post. Feelings, man, gotta love ‘em. lol
I’ve actually been doing EMDR recently, and had a pretty big epiphany around this breakup just yesterday during a session.
Basically, a lot of my fears and issues around dating are wrapped up in traumas I have related to women (emotional + mental abuse from my mom growing-up, bullying as a kid, etc.), since I mostly tend to date women and non-binary folks.
It was pretty surprising to realize that! Like, I knew I had traumas around men (mostly physical), but I didn’t realize how deep my emotional wounds went with women. It also was surprising for me, because, as someone who was assigned-female-at-birth, and therefore was socialized as a girl growing up, it didn’t occur to me that I could experience trauma from women. I know that sounds silly, but that’s how my mind operated.
In terms of thinking of positive relationships with women, I thought of my sponsor, who has been unconditionally supportive and accepting of me for over 2 years, despite the less desirable parts of myself— like, she literally knows everything
about me. So then I realized, like, “Okay, if one woman in my life is like this after knowing every single thing about me, then maybe
it’s possible to have positive intimate relationships with women + non-male folks in a dating context too.”
Essentially, I realized that I shouldn’t have to work hard to be accepted by someone (like I tried with my mom and even former folks I’ve dated), and that I can just.... be? And that that’s somehow good enough.
Idk this was a total ramble, but realizing this issue within myself, in regards to my relationship to women, has been pretty eye-opening. Anywho, thanks for coming to my TED Talk.