boyfriend just wants to sleep

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
eli.ja
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boyfriend just wants to sleep

Unread post by eli.ja »

let me preface this by saying i understand my personal wants aren't as important as my boyfriends needs; i'd rather he be well rested than anything else. we started seeing each other in person once we knew it we were both being covid safe and, since there wasn't much else to do and we both have busy lives, most of our "dates" were nighttime movie marathons at his house. they usually ended with us falling asleep and i wouldn't have it any other way. but now that it's spring time and (covid compliant) things are starting up again, i'm anxious to see him in the daytime, have sex, or even just do something low-key and fun together. but whenever we hang out together he only wants to fall asleep at nighttime with me. on top of that, he's currently going through a depressive episode and doesn't have much motivation to do much. it's not that i'm tired of falling asleep together, i just want to see him when he's awake. i'm worried if i bring this up with him, he'll think i'm being too demanding of him or think i'm becoming bored with him. if anyone knows a way i can discuss this with him without coming off that way, i'd really appreciate the help. :D
LuC
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Re: boyfriend just wants to sleep

Unread post by LuC »

Hi eli.ja!

Wanting to see your partner during the day to do things together is absolutely normal! And I think that what you want or expect from your relationship is of paramount importance, and not less important than anyone else's needs. Of course you can be understanding of your partner's situation but there is no reason why that should mean that you can't express your feelings and needs.

Is there a particular reason why you are worried about bringing this up to your partner? Have you tried doing something like this in the past?
Carly
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Re: boyfriend just wants to sleep

Unread post by Carly »

Hi eli.ja!

I'm glad you reached out - sometimes it can be hard to communicate what you want and need, even if the relationship makes you happy. Be a Blabbermouth! has a lot of great tips on expressing yourself in conversations about sex and relationships. Here are some that I think would be especially helpful to you in this case:

* Using "I" statements - Remember that you're speaking yourself and how you feel. Using sentences like "I feel that…" over "You make me feel like..." will help people you're talking to not feel accused of something.
* Accentuate the positive - you can help your boyfriend feel at ease while you're bringing up something like this if you’re also acknowledging the things you enjoy doing with him.
* Expect the best- Remember that what you have to say is important and productive! If you walk into a conversation anticipating that it will go poorly, it’s much more likely to.

How does this sound? Have you ever used "I" statements before?

I would also be really mindful that depressive episodes can definitely impact someone's activity level and their overall exhaustion, and it sounds like you're considering this. He might disclose some very serious feelings with you. Also, it might be also a good idea to talk about what COVID-compliant activities your boyfriend feels comfortable doing.

Also, when you say "i'm anxious to see him in the daytime, have sex, or even just do something low-key and fun together" - are you nervous to do those things, or are you excited?
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