Was I abused by my ex?

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Was I abused by my ex?

Unread post by snailprince »

My ex used to force me into doing erotic roleplays that I wasn't comfortable with, she used really gross terms for my vagina (im trans) but I assumed that it was okay for her to do that since she's also trans. She pressured me into sending nudes even though I kept coming up with excuses. She made me masturbate on camera, and it made me so uncomfortable. One time I did something she didn't like and she asked me how she should kill herself. She got really upset if I didn't respond fast enough to texts as well, it was strange. This was my first relationship and it makes me nervous for future relationships. Was I abused?
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Re: Was I abused by my ex?

Unread post by Elise »

Hi snailprince, firstly let me just say that I am really sorry to hear that your ex treated you in these ways and that you experienced these things.

Yes, the manipulative and coercive behaviours you describe your ex doint are kinds of abuse. Putting this word to experiences we have had can bring up a lot of feelings, and not all at the same time. If you feel comfortable sharing them, how do you feel about this response?

It sounds like you are no longer in a relationship with this person, which I am glad to hear with regards to your safety. Does anyone else in your life know about you ex's behaviours and do you ever have to see/interact them still?

Being able to see a therapist or counsellor about this could be really useful, is this something you can access? We can assist with resources to locate a therapist, and of course happy to discuss with you here.

It is completely understandable that this experience would make you feel unsure about future relationships, as your ex violated your trust in many ways. If reading about what a healthy relationship and consent can look like would be reassuring to you right now, here are some posts that you might like, or if not for now, could be useful in the future: We're here to talk through this with you as you feel comfortable here on the boards and live chat too. Please remember that only your ex is responsible for their actions, and that none of the above is your fault. You are taking a brave step in wanting to understand and talk about this.
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