Hi snailprince, firstly let me just say that I am really sorry to hear that your ex treated you in these ways and that you experienced these things.
Yes, the manipulative and coercive behaviours you describe your ex doint are kinds of abuse. Putting this word to experiences we have had can bring up a lot of feelings, and not all at the same time. If you feel comfortable sharing them, how do you feel about this response?
It sounds like you are no longer in a relationship with this person, which I am glad to hear with regards to your safety. Does anyone else in your life know about you ex's behaviours and do you ever have to see/interact them still?
Being able to see a therapist or counsellor about this could be really useful, is this something you can access? We can assist with resources to locate a therapist, and of course happy to discuss with you here.
It is completely understandable that this experience would make you feel unsure about future relationships, as your ex violated your trust in many ways. If reading about what a healthy relationship and consent can look like would be reassuring to you right now, here are some posts that you might like, or if not for now, could be useful in the future:
We're here to talk through this with you as you feel comfortable here on the boards and live chat too. Please remember that only your ex is responsible for their actions, and that none of the above is your fault. You are taking a brave step in wanting to understand and talk about this.