This is going to be a long one...
First of all I want to start off by saying thank you. I am really glad that I have found this platform because I think it is really important for young people, especially young people with vaginas to have a place to go to talk about sex. Since I have become sexually active in the past year or so I have started to feel the stigmas around sex for those with vaginas. In porn it seems so obvious to me that the female is acting all for the male’s pleasure. The constant exaggerated breathing, moans, and lip bites just make me feel annoyed. At the same time they also make me feel like there is something wrong with me because I want to feel what those females appear to be feeling during sex, but I don’t and I feel like I can’t. I know that the females aren’t always faking it in porn, but either way it sets up unrealistic expectations for females in the bedroom.
I am almost 18 and I have been sexually active for over a year now and I’m getting frustrated about not being able to orgasm. It makes my boyfriend feel like he is not enough because he can’t “make me cum” and it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I have tried to tell him that he is enough, whether or not I can orgasm (because sex is not the most important part of a relationship for me). It also just leaves me feeling really unsatisfied. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend about a year and a half ago. We have been dating for almost two years now and I feel very close and comfortable with him. I really love him and I find him very attractive. He definitely turns me on and can get me really “wet” so to say. The only thing that I feel like is holding us back is that the fact that I haven’t been able to orgasm.
I find oral sex with clitoral stimulation really pleasurable but I have not been able to orgasm from it. I think that I have come close to orgasm from oral sex before but my boyfriend would seem too tired because he had been going at it for awhile. It would usually make me feel bad so I would tell him he could just stop.
As for penetrative sex, it just doesn’t feel like much. Sometimes it feels kinda good but it’s never anything amazing. I have tried rubbing my clitoris during penetration, but the penetration just seems to take the entire sensation of how it usually feels when I masturbate. So rubbing my clit never seems to help. It all just feels kind of numb during penetration. Another note I want to add about penetrative sex is that sometimes when I have sex within several days after finishing my period it hurts. It’s kind of a burning sensation and sometimes the pain will linger for around 30 minutes to an hour after sex. It’s not unbearable but it’s definitely uncomfortable. Whenever this happens I either tell him and finish him off/he finishes off or I will just suck it up and tell him after he has finished. He has always been very understanding about it and he feels bad when I tell him afterwards that it hurt.
However, I have been able to achieve orgasm by rubbing my clitoris, but I have never masturbated with my boyfriend or in front of him. I don’t think that he even knows that I masturbate on a regular basis. I think he knows that I have masturbated before but I don’t think he thinks I do it often. I also don’t think he knows that I watch porn sometimes. I know that he masturbates sometimes and I know that he watches porn. I don’t know why but I feel nervous to tell him that I masturbate and watch porn. Other than not telling him that, I think that we have been very open with each other in communicating about sex.
I just feel a little lost overall because I really want to be able to enjoy my sex life as much as I can because I know that sex can be a wonderful thing. This is something that has been a stressor in the back of my head for quite some time. I have tried doing plenty of research in search of help with problems but I haven’t been successful yet. I am so glad I have found this platform so that I can seek advice for my specific issues.
So I guess my main questions are...
How can I make penetrative sex more pleasurable?
In what ways can I strengthen my sex life with my boyfriend?
How do I stop feeling like there is something wrong with me?
How can I make my boyfriend feel like he is enough (because he is)?