Dysphoria getting worse, I don't know what to do

Questions and discussions about gender, gender roles and identity.
Sky H
not a newbie
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2020 11:01 pm
Awesomeness Quotient: I'm good at a lot of things
Primary language: English
Preferred pronouns: she/her, they/them
Sexual identity and orientation: I don't like to label it, I just do what feels rig
Location: Germany

Dysphoria getting worse, I don't know what to do

Unread post by Sky H »

I'm not sure if this is the best place to ask about this, if it isn't let know, but anyway, I'm trans and my gender dysphoria is getting worse and it's difficult to bear with. It really sucks because it's this constant terrible feeling that I can do nothing about. I have an appointment for starting my transition next year, but it's really hard to wait. And I can't do anything to help it, at home my family won't use my pronouns because they're scared they'll accidentally out me to someone if they gender me correctly (I'm only out to my mum and my sister). My dad (who lives far away) is pretty transphobic, so I can't socially transition. My mum is in a difficult financial situation because of covid so I can't get affirming clothes and makeup and stuff like that. I'm feeling trapped in my situation and I don't know what to do.
Sofi
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 84
Joined: Fri Sep 04, 2020 12:23 pm
Awesomeness Quotient: I make my own nail art!
Primary language: Spanish or English
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: Queer
Location: USA

Re: Dysphoria getting worse, I don't know what to do

Unread post by Sofi »

Hi Sky,
I'm sorry you're dealing with dysphoria, I know it can be really difficult. This is definitely a good place to come to as we're always here for you. That being said, there are outside resources we can refer you to for further help such as, for example, a mental health provider. Let me know if you see someone already or if you'd like help finding someone in your area. This is really helpful to have a professional to discuss the dysphoria with, and putting your emotional wellbeing first is always a priority.

As for not being able to use your pronouns with your family or affording makeup, a tip I suggest is to have SOMETHING, anything, that makes you feel comfortable in your gender, that you can wear - even if it's not usually gendered so only you know the meaning of it. This could be a piece of jewelry, a pair of underwear, etc. It can help you feel connected to your gender.

Have you noticed your dysphoria accentuated in certain situations, such as when you're particularly stressed out, or when you are in a sexual setting (such as masturbating)? These are both normal, by the way, I'm just wondering in which situations you feel it get worse?
Sky H
not a newbie
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2020 11:01 pm
Awesomeness Quotient: I'm good at a lot of things
Primary language: English
Preferred pronouns: she/her, they/them
Sexual identity and orientation: I don't like to label it, I just do what feels rig
Location: Germany

Re: Dysphoria getting worse, I don't know what to do

Unread post by Sky H »

Sofi wrote:Hi Sky,
I'm sorry you're dealing with dysphoria, I know it can be really difficult. This is definitely a good place to come to as we're always here for you. That being said, there are outside resources we can refer you to for further help such as, for example, a mental health provider. Let me know if you see someone already or if you'd like help finding someone in your area. This is really helpful to have a professional to discuss the dysphoria with, and putting your emotional wellbeing first is always a priority.

As for not being able to use your pronouns with your family or affording makeup, a tip I suggest is to have SOMETHING, anything, that makes you feel comfortable in your gender, that you can wear - even if it's not usually gendered so only you know the meaning of it. This could be a piece of jewelry, a pair of underwear, etc. It can help you feel connected to your gender.

Have you noticed your dysphoria accentuated in certain situations, such as when you're particularly stressed out, or when you are in a sexual setting (such as masturbating)? These are both normal, by the way, I'm just wondering in which situations you feel it get worse?


So I might be able to see a therapist in a few weeks, but my mum told me the same thing about a year ago, so I can't be sure that this time she means it.

I have no idea what that "SOMETHING" could be. I don't really have anything like that, and I don't know how could I get such a thing without any money or maybe with very very little money.

Yeah, my dysphoria is worse when I'm stressed out and in a sexual setting, but it also sometimes "flairs up" completely randomly. Currently it's worse because of stress; my mum's boyfriend that lives far away and his little son came to our home and is staying here this week, my mum is forcing me to be with them more than I have the energy to (I'm an introvert so I need a ton of alone time).
Siân
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 681
Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2017 6:10 am
Awesomeness Quotient: I ask ALLLLL the questions
Primary language: English
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: Figuring it out
Location: UK

Re: Dysphoria getting worse, I don't know what to do

Unread post by Siân »

Is it usually just you, your mum and sister at home? If so, would it be possible for them to practice gendering you correctly when you are at home just the three of you?

You are right that it's really hard to find that "something" when money is tight. Perhaps your mum or sister have a piece of jewellery or (depending how your sizes compare) piece of clothing that they don't use or would be willing to gift you? Otherwise, a low-cost clothing or cosmetics store should have things like underwear, mascara, or jewellery for under 5 euros if your family can stretch to it.

I hope that you are able to see a therapist. When you say your mum has suggested before that it might be possible, what got in the way last time?
Sky H
not a newbie
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2020 11:01 pm
Awesomeness Quotient: I'm good at a lot of things
Primary language: English
Preferred pronouns: she/her, they/them
Sexual identity and orientation: I don't like to label it, I just do what feels rig
Location: Germany

Re: Dysphoria getting worse, I don't know what to do

Unread post by Sky H »

Siân wrote:Is it usually just you, your mum and sister at home? If so, would it be possible for them to practice gendering you correctly when you are at home just the three of you?


Yeah, there is rarely anyone else in the house, the problem us that my mum got used to it too quickly and then gendered me correctly in front of people I'm not out to, which is a problem because I'm not in a safe situation to come out to everyone. I don't know how would they practice switching pronouns.

Siân wrote:You are right that it's really hard to find that "something" when money is tight. Perhaps your mum or sister have a piece of jewellery or (depending how your sizes compare) piece of clothing that they don't use or would be willing to gift you? Otherwise, a low-cost clothing or cosmetics store should have things like underwear, mascara, or jewellery for under 5 euros if your family can stretch to it.


Hmm, I think I have a few ideas for what they might be able to gift me. I also might be able to buy something for 5 euro, I think I have that much, so thanks for those ideas.

Siân wrote:I hope that you are able to see a therapist. When you say your mum has suggested before that it might be possible, what got in the way last time?


I have no idea what got in the way. I honestly don't trust her about doctors and other stuff like that, when I want to see a doctor she really often doesn't believe me so maybe it was her not believing I need a therapist, even though I used to go to one and my mental health massively improved. It's also possible that it's really hard to find a therapist that my insurance will cover or it's something else. I don't know.
Mo
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 1999
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
Primary language: English
Preferred pronouns: he/him, they/them
Sexual identity and orientation: queer/bisexual

Re: Dysphoria getting worse, I don't know what to do

Unread post by Mo »

Do you think it would be helpful if you did some research into what your insurance covers, and if there are providers in your area who take your insurance, and presented some names of therapists to your mom? Even if you aren't ready to look into it yourself, since it sounds like she has brought up the topic of therapy recently, it may be worth bringing it up again to give her a little nudge and see if she's willing to work with you and find someone you feel comfortable with.
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic