Tall Girl Problems

[girlplayer34]

So here's the thing I'm super single, have been for the last few years. I'm honestly at the point where I will probably never find a girlfriend and not just cause I'm awkward but I'm super tall. I'm 6'1 which is pretty tall for a girl and I feel that no one will want to date me people tell me I'ma pretty girl but I'm too tall which sucks I don't know what to do I mean what should I do? Shrink? I can't do that and trying to make yourself seem shorter just makes me look stupid with being tall, a virgin, and awkward I think I'll be single forever.

[Sam W]

Hi girlplayer34,

I'm sorry people have been making rude comments about your height, it sucks when something you're already a bit self-conscious about gets poked by other people. If it helps to know, the bulk of my friends are tall women (we're talking six feet or more) and all have found people who were excited to date them. Too, and this is purely anecdotal, WLW tend to be less hung-up on height; the complaints I've seen about tall women being too intimidating or whatever other nonsense is used to tell tall women they can't be attractive usually comes from straight men.

How do you feel about your body in general? Do you feel pretty confident in it?

[girlplayer34]

I don't really feel confident on my body which sucks but I'm working to get better about and taking better care of myself so I hope in the future I can overcome that whats your friends secret? how did they find people excited to date a tall girl? I would love to know cause apparently I'm missing something.

[rubyted]

Hey, girlplayer34, hope it's okay that I'm jumping in! Just wanted to say that it seems to me that the issue isn't with you or your height, but with the people around you. The only thing that seems different to me about Sam's tall friends and you is that they are around different people who aren't as rude or insecure when it comes to height!

There's also a huge problem with the culture we have around media sources telling us what girls need to look like - so many of the expectations are unreasonable and tell girls that they need to change things that are literally unchangeable (especially in straight culture, where for some reason men's pride is all tied up in how they need to be bigger than a woman. Hello, fragile masculinity!). That's simply not your fault - you're just existing in your body. I'm hearing that you want to find people excited to date a tall girl - what makes you feel excited about being in your body? Is there anything that you really like about being tall?

I know it feels really important to get someone to date you right now, but it could help to try and trust that that person is simply not around right now. You're gonna go so many places and meet so many people - you never know when you'll meet that person who LOVES tall girls. And people do, trust me - just google "I love tall girls"!
Also - I haven't seen the show myself, but there is a show called "Tall Girl" on Netflix which deals with the insecurity that someone has being taller than everyone else - I wonder if you've seen it, or if you could relate to that plotline?

[girlplayer34]

I've seen the movie and I can relate it just for me love was something I never thought I could have not just because of height, being gay and a virgin but it's just something I thought never happened to me. It wasn't something I told myself like my straight friends did that one day I would fall in love and get married it was never real for me. When gay marriage became legal I didn't know what to think at first I was happy then I though is this something that can really happen to me. I guess for a very long time I have struggled with whether I deserved to be loved or not and to be honest I still don't know its just one of those things that doesn't happen to me like it does for most people I know that might sound silly but its true.

[Sam W]

Those are all really tough feelings to be struggling with. Can I ask what makes you think love isn't something you deserve or something that will happen to you?

[girlplayer34]

Its just something I have always felt ever since I found out I was gay. I mean like I said i didn't think those thing were possible for me, it wasn't something I told myself like straight kids did that one day I would meet the one and we would fall in love and get married it was never real for me. I've never had a real girlfriend before because it just doesn't happen for me I'm not the kind of person that gets the girl I'm the one that avoids or runs and hides while someone else gets her.

[Alexa]

I hear that. It can be really hard to envision a future for yourself in a loving relationship when you aren't shown lesbian love frequently on TV, in movies, or in the world around you. I also feel like if we've been hoping/waiting to have a relationship come along for us, it can start to feel like it's never going to happen. But that isn't true! These things have to happen in their own time. Us queer girls can (and deserve to) find love, too. (and, btw, I so relate to the "sees pretty girl/runs and hides" instinct. You are not alone!)

Do you want to talk a little bit about how you've met girls in the past, or how you've thought about meeting potential datefriends? How do you feel in those situations?

[girlplayer34]

I hear that. It can be really hard to envision a future for yourself in a loving relationship when you aren't shown lesbian love frequently on TV, in movies, or in the world around you. I also feel like if we've been hoping/waiting to have a relationship come along for us, it can start to feel like it's never going to happen. But that isn't true! These things have to happen in their own time. Us queer girls can (and deserve to) find love, too. (and, btw, I so relate to the "sees pretty girl/runs and hides" instinct. You are not alone!)

Do you want to talk a little bit about how you've met girls in the past, or how you've thought about meeting potential datefriends? How do you feel in those situations?

Yes I would love to talk more about this. In the past I mostly met girls by chance in high school I knew I was gay but I didn't really know how to meet other gay teens. I didn't join my GSA club in my high school because I didn't have time I was very busy in high school I played basketball so I didn't have much time to myself plus I traveled a lot so I was never here for gay pride plus I was too scared someone would see me if I went. When I got into college I was still really busy being a division one athlete I had commitments outside of basketball with side projects and school I didn't have time for a real relationship. Even now with this pandemic I don't have time for much since I'm doing my internship at Morgan Stanley and I'm in the process of starting a business. So time was always a factor I can't remember a time when I wasn't busy as far as meeting potential date friends I don't know what those are but I probably don't have them.

[Sam W]

Okay, so it sounds like maybe a starting place is finding ways to make time to connect with queer spaces and maybe get to know people within them. Obviously, that's a little tricky right now because of safety guidelines for COVID, but there are still some options.

Do you have any hobbies you like, or topics or hobbies you've been interested in getting into? Shared interests are a really good starting place for meeting folks who have at least a little in common with.

[girlplayer34]

Well I like coding I'm a programmer I like basketball and I also like skateboarding. Topics I like many topics not a big fan of pop culture tho i don't keep up with the Kardashians and I don't care what new house Justin Bieber bought but I do like math and physics, I also like playing classic piano but those are just a few things.

[Sam W]

Okay! One option would be to (at this point mainly online) groups that focus on some of those same hobbies so you can meet people who share your interests, some of whom may become your friends or potential partners.

You mention in the past you were nervous to join things like the GSA or go to LGBT events. Are you open to trying some ways of finding queer community now, even if you can only devote a little bit of time to hanging out in them?

[girlplayer34]

Yes I'm open to it now. I mean with COVID I don' think it will be the same but I am willing to try and meet people over the internet even though I'm not 100% comfortable with it.

[Sam W]

Yep, COVID is definitely introducing some complications, but there are still some things you can try. I really like the ideas laid out in this article, because they're so varied: https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/wxqj ... tq-friends. Do any of those look like places you could start? Too, do you have a local (or semi-local) LGBT center? Most centers, even small ones, are doing a lot right now to host virtual events or meet-ups so people can stay connected.