Dominant Females vs The Culture

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Dominant Females vs The Culture

Unread post by Nonsequitur »

Ah, a female who “tops”; too raunchy for hetero-normative, ‘vanilla’ sex & too “niché” to be noticed in BDSM.
Dominant females are stuck inside a sexual purgatory.

I’m a girl who likes to take control in the bedroom, and no, I don’t do it to “switch things up” for my partner. I’m dominant because it feels natural and it empowers me.

Ironically enough, although my sexual preference has me being the initiator, the community of having the roles-reversed is more male-oriented than female.
Hypothetically, for every domme there’s 50 guys who are openly submissive.

Isn’t that a good thing? Dominant women having a variety of men to pick from?
That technically isn’t the case, since there’s a common themes that issue complaints in the domme community.

Men continue to harass, emotionally drain, and treat women like kink dispensers, even if the roles are reversed and it more rare to come women who share common sexual preferences.

I don’t know why this happens to dominant women.
Is it because men in the same community don’t call out others actions? Maybe.
Is it because the negative stereotype femdom porn portrays? Maybe.
Is it because dommes themselves get objectified by men to the point where they’re not seen as real people with emotions? Maybe. Who knows, who knows?

Women continue to pick at these issues, but the community doesn’t listen to it.

Men continued to get shamed for being submissive because it’s non-masculine, yet they advantage if an opportunity passes by the aligns with their sexual fantasy.

Maybe that’s why even in hetero-normative relationships can’t explore role-reversal cause it gets tainted by the issues I stated below.

Am I screaming into the void about this? Yeah, probably, that’s why it’s so abstract.

I just never see advocacy towards the idea of a dominant woman with a submissive man. I never see sexual or relationship education for this dynamic. Why?

How we fix issues of a sexual, male-dominated community that’s centers around the dependency of a dominant woman?

How do normalize that sexual role-reversal doesn’t have to be the stereotypical leather-wearing BDSM play, but can also “vanilla” like everything else?

How do I push towards more educational articles around these themes of the “switched-roles” dynamic?

I know I used terminology like “domme” and “submissive” which has connotations in the BDSM community but I’m referring to a grey area. Role-reversal can have kink, and it doesn’t have to. There’s no proper terminology for what I’m describing so I’m just going with it.
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Re: Dominant Females vs The Culture

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Nonsequitur,

You raise a lot of interesting questions. Honestly, I think something that contributes to the patterns you're seeing is that so, so, so many people still assume there are "natural" gendered roles when it comes to sex, and that men are the dominant/active ones while women are submissive/passive. That feeds a lot of the belief that women in dominant roles is inherently a kink or BDSM thing, because it's seen as going against "normal" sexual patterns (which is nonsense).
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