memories

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
haikyufan123
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memories

Unread post by haikyufan123 »

Hi Scarleteen staff!

I’ve been thinking about my ex. I don’t miss him or anything and I don’t love him or want him back. I’m in a new relationship and I’m happy. But i’ve been getting anxiety because i’m thinking about my ex. I mostly think about past memories and I feel super guilty. Or I get reminded of my ex. I don’t want this to ruin my relationship and I want to know how to let go of these memories. Thank you
Sam W
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Re: memories

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi haikyufan123,

Depending on the memories and how they pop up, there are a few ways you might approach this. One is to know that it is totally normal to think about a past relationship or to be reminded of your ex (just like it's normal to be randomly reminded of other people we know or knew by things we encounter in life). You mention those memories make you feel guilty. Can you tell me a little more about why that is?

Too, to make sure I'm understanding correctly, are these memories or thoughts mostly just arising because you encounter something that reminds you of your ex? Or are you deliberately seeking them out?
haikyufan123
not a newbie
Posts: 28
Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2020 1:35 pm
Age: 17
Awesomeness Quotient: i can touch my nose with my tongue
Primary language: english
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: hetero
Location: boston

Re: memories

Unread post by haikyufan123 »

These memories make me feel guilty because it makes me feel that I’m not over the relationship even though I don’t miss them or want them back. It makes me feel like I should be over it and it’s not okay. I usually get these memories because something happens and I get reminded of it. But i’m also seeking them out to find answers why am I still thinking about it.
Siân
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Re: memories

Unread post by Siân »

You know, I don't think that moving on from a relationship is the same as forgetting it ever happened. You can be happy in your life and not want to return to a previous relationship whilst also appreciating what was nice about it. In fact, I *like* being able to look back at past relationships and smile at the good times without wanting to change anything about my life now. It shows that this person was important to you, and that having a relationship with them was a good decision for a little while, even though they are not who you want to be with now. Does that make sense?

If it's bothering you, you could try setting aside a bit of time to think about this past relationship - maybe by writing down all your favourite memories and also why you don't want to be with this person now - and try not to actively seek out those thoughts outside of that time. What do you think?
haikyufan123
not a newbie
Posts: 28
Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2020 1:35 pm
Age: 17
Awesomeness Quotient: i can touch my nose with my tongue
Primary language: english
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: hetero
Location: boston

Re: memories

Unread post by haikyufan123 »

Thank you so much. I think that’s a good idea. I will try and do that!
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