Hey! Welcome to the boards!
So, I had to deal with a lot of this when I first came out and I want to let you know you're not alone. I also hear that dysphoria can really suck, and I'm sorry that your mom is against trans people in the way you describe. Truly, there's nothing wrong with being trans but some people just don't understand that.
So as far as coming out, firstly you'll want to ask yourself a few questions. 1) Am I safe enough to come out? 2) Do I have information to help support the person I am coming out to understand a little better? 3) Is this a conversation that at this point in time I am able to handle a negative response even if it is hard? 4) Am I ready?
I was 11 I believe when I came out, and I came out in a note that I left my parents to find in my lunch bag. I can see how in some situations giving them a letter or note or something to tell them would be helpful, but I would say that you should really give it to them in person and let them know your concerns before-hand. For example, that could look like "Hey Mom, there's something I've been really wanting to share with you for a while, and I'm worried you won't understand or accept me, love me anymore treat me the same...etc. I wrote this letter that I as hoping you could read and then is it okay if we talk about it?" For me, I really regret the way I came out, I didn't give them an easy option to talk to me, I didn't provide much information and then my parents didn't really talk to me for 2 days. My mom eventually told me she didn't care if I was a fruit loop, and as supporting as that may sound, I was not able to transition socially to the extent I wanted for a while, and there were a lot more problems. There are a lot of other ways to come out, for example you could sit her down and tell her without the note, you could email her I guess..? One thing you could do is if you have a school counsellor you could let them know and ask if they could facilitate a meeting to let your mom know which in part can protect your safety. Coming out can certainly be a scary thing
though. The main thing is to give your parents an outlet to talk to you because more than likely, it'll be a shock.
With the dysphoria - I get that it can be, especially pretransition can be excruciating. I will say though, what I did before I transitioned was button ups! Honestly in the girls section there was still a lot of button ups that were fairly gender neutral. I can share some more tips on what helped me present as more masculine and cope if you'd like?
I also want to say, that after coming out you'll need to be patient. When a parent finds out they are pregnant they tend to plan the childs entire life, and so they certainly aren't expecting to have a trans kid. For a lot of parents, including my own, it was really quite difficult for them, they had no idea what this meant for me. One thing that really helped was reminding my parents that no matter what, I was still their goofy, wide eyed, mouthy kid. Nothing is going to change that, you are still her kid, and you will still be you
. For me, what helped in this timeline was making sure I really showed how happy I was after transition. Each step of the way, my mom has seen an extremely positive outcome whether it be clothing, binding, haircut, and now pronouns and possibly hormones. Although this may sound discouraging, I really want you to know that these things take time. I came out at 11, my mom started calling me "he" back in May 2019. So, that's a while. I'm not sure about your name situation but I was lucky with my name although I did try to change it which was a whole mess, and I'm not sure how to help you there. Was this hard for me to wait and be patient with her? Oh yeah, so freaking hard. But lately what's helped is like nudging her research studies and videos. Remember that you know who you are better than anyone else does. After my mom really had a few years to be like "Yeah this isn't going away" she's been getting a lot better.
For me, what made a massive impact was she got involved with people who were LGBT, and her boss has a trans daughter. So this is why when I mention bringing it up with a school counsellor, that could be especially helpful because they may be able to connect you with resources to help you do that, I've heard https://pflagorlando.org/
(PFLAG) is really helpful for a lot of people in florida if you'd like to look into that. Also, you might want to look into your rights as a trans student in Florida if you haven't, there's been several lawsuits against schools there for treatment so I figured you might want this to look at: https://www.transequality.org/sites/def ... -Sheet.pdf
Please know, these things get better. They may seem really painful and confusing right now, but with time things will change, even if they take longer than you'd like. My family has come so far in their acceptance and actually, I'm 15 and we're looking into hormones which I never even thought would be possible when I first came out. Actually until yesterday, I thought I would have to wait until 18, but my mom is really looking into how to get me into a gender clinic. She's come a long way in understanding - which I also want to touch on. For me, my mom thought it was similar to like hating your nose or something, I didn't make the connection for a long time. But what I did was I happened was I wrote a letter that I read to my mom describing what being trans was and what dysphoria was like. For me, I said that it wasn't like hating a part of my body, because I can say that I don't really hate any piece, but however, my body doesn't feel right, it feels disconnected and uncomfortable for me. That made a huge difference, she cried, I cried, pretty sure the counsellor thought we were a mess, but it really helped to explain my feelings around it. I would say, do research on things like studies, have medical information around it and let her know this is something that you feel is really important and means a lot to you, that you are still you
no matter what.
It may also help to take a peek at https://www.scarleteen.com/article/gend ... mer_school
Or if you want some specified articles in there rather than the full thing, here's this one that really pertains to this https://www.scarleteen.com/trans_summer ... his_closet
As well as youtubers - specifically Storm Ryan really helped. All the youtubers I watched when I was newly coming out have all medically transitioned and are adults now, but you may be able to find his old videos which I really loved - He's from florida as well and was an activist for a while.
He started the BinderBoy thing on tik tok when it was musically as well started "RiseForRyan". He has a really interesting story and journey and it really helped me.
Your trans experience is your own and although studies and research may help, that may not be for you and that's okay. It's just what worked for me and my family.
I hope this helped at least a little! Good luck!
You have the power to say "This is not how my story will end".