I do also want to add that I think it's pretty vital for women (and anyone else with a uterus) to be a person who carries condoms with them if there is any chance, at all, of engaging in the kinds of sex where STIs or pregnancy are issues. Relying on men to have condoms doesn't work out well so much of the time, in so, so many ways: certainly not well for women, not well for men, either, and not well fort a lot of sexual relationships.
It sounds like you think there's something wrong with being a woman who carries condoms. Can you talk about why you think you feel that way? Why do you think you feel like there's something that isn't ideal about having something with you like condoms that can play a huge part in safeguarding your health and, if you're also using them as birth control, help you decide when and if you want to start a family?
P.S. So long as it's okay with you, it is okay for you to have sex. If it's not okay with you, and you find yourself choosing to be sexual when it isn't, we can absolutely talk with you about that and maybe help you get to a place where you are only ever having sex that is okay about you and that you feel good about.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead