what kind or partner personality preferences are normal to have
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 145
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2019 11:32 pm
- Age: 22
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: He
- Sexual identity: Heterosexual
- Location: California
what kind or partner personality preferences are normal to have
I was wonder what kind of partner preferences are normal and healthy to have, for example, my personal partner preferences is that my partner does not drink alcohol or do rectional drugs in general?
-
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 9855
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Desert
Re: what kind or partner personality preferences are normal to have
Hi DArwin,
Those preferences aren't that unusual, in that you're not the first person I've seen (or known) who has them. Alcohol and drug use can be a really charged, personal issue for people, for lots of reasons. So, it's not that strange for people to develop preferences around the drug or alcohol usage habits of their potential partners.
In a more general sense, people basically get to have whatever preferences they want, about big things and little ones. But there are a few things to keep in mind. One is that the more specific preferences you have, the more you narrow down your pool of potential partners. Another is to check in with yourself about whether the preferences you have are realistic. For example, if your preference was for someone who never gets sick, you're basically looking for someone who doesn't exist. You also want to mindful of if those preferences are not really preferences but rather expressions of bad cultural messages (for instance, someone who says they will ONLY date white people is probably operating with racist notions) One other thing to keep in mind is that someone not meeting our preferences doesn't make them less worthwhile as a person or partner; it just means that they're not a the best match for us (I'm not saying you're doing that, just that's it's something to be aware of with preferences).
Those preferences aren't that unusual, in that you're not the first person I've seen (or known) who has them. Alcohol and drug use can be a really charged, personal issue for people, for lots of reasons. So, it's not that strange for people to develop preferences around the drug or alcohol usage habits of their potential partners.
In a more general sense, people basically get to have whatever preferences they want, about big things and little ones. But there are a few things to keep in mind. One is that the more specific preferences you have, the more you narrow down your pool of potential partners. Another is to check in with yourself about whether the preferences you have are realistic. For example, if your preference was for someone who never gets sick, you're basically looking for someone who doesn't exist. You also want to mindful of if those preferences are not really preferences but rather expressions of bad cultural messages (for instance, someone who says they will ONLY date white people is probably operating with racist notions) One other thing to keep in mind is that someone not meeting our preferences doesn't make them less worthwhile as a person or partner; it just means that they're not a the best match for us (I'm not saying you're doing that, just that's it's something to be aware of with preferences).
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 145
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2019 11:32 pm
- Age: 22
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: He
- Sexual identity: Heterosexual
- Location: California
Re: what kind or partner personality preferences are normal to have
Ok, Thank you. How do you inform partners of your preferences and when do you?
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 145
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2019 11:32 pm
- Age: 22
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: He
- Sexual identity: Heterosexual
- Location: California
Re: what kind or partner personality preferences are normal to have
is it ok to not follow your preferences if you like the person or know them well?
-
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 9855
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Desert
Re: what kind or partner personality preferences are normal to have
You're welcome! To your first question, it depends a lot on the preferences and on the situation. For instance, if you're someone who uses dating sites, people will often list things like preferences or deal-breakers on their profile. That way, people can see right away if there are things that they're looking for (or that they want to avoid) in a partner. Other preferences usually come up in getting-to-know-each-type conversations, or in more formal conversations about relationship expectations.
And yep, it's both okay and pretty common to have a preference decrease in importance when there's someone who you're otherwise really attracted to. Not to mention our preferences change at least a little bit throughout our lives as we learn new things about what we like, don't like, and what matters to us in relationships. Too, preferences aren't always as consistent as we assume they are. I even cover that idea in this article: https://www.scarleteen.com/blog/sam_w/2 ... _and_types
And yep, it's both okay and pretty common to have a preference decrease in importance when there's someone who you're otherwise really attracted to. Not to mention our preferences change at least a little bit throughout our lives as we learn new things about what we like, don't like, and what matters to us in relationships. Too, preferences aren't always as consistent as we assume they are. I even cover that idea in this article: https://www.scarleteen.com/blog/sam_w/2 ... _and_types
-
- Similar Topics
- Replies
- Views
- Last post
-
-
New post I kind of dread spending time with my family, is this normal or am I being rude?
by pinkheartsss0 » Sat Jul 15, 2023 7:41 pm » in Relationships - 3 Replies
- 6095 Views
-
Last post by Latha
Sun Jul 23, 2023 7:54 am
-
-
- 1 Replies
- 12238 Views
-
Last post by Amanda B
Sat May 20, 2023 6:28 am
-
-
New post kind of a joke but i am curious
by CatMatRat99 » Thu May 25, 2023 1:34 pm » in Sexual Identity - 1 Replies
- 67070 Views
-
Last post by Nicole
Thu May 25, 2023 2:48 pm
-
-
-
New post ball shaped lump kind of in entrance of vagina
by anonanonymous » Thu Oct 26, 2023 2:34 pm » in Ask Us! - 1 Replies
- 10211 Views
-
Last post by Heather
Thu Oct 26, 2023 2:56 pm
-
-
-
New post my partner is ace and im not and im not sure what to do
by SillyMcGoof_ » Fri Sep 08, 2023 1:53 pm » in Relationships - 55 Replies
- 194919 Views
-
Last post by Jacob
Thu Sep 14, 2023 3:59 am
-