Hi kreed95,
I hope it's okay that I pasted your other post above. I want to reply to what you shared in both posts, so I wanted the information to all be in one place.
First of all, I want to repeat what Sam said: I am so sorry that have been forced to deal with this terrible sexual violence. And on top of that, I am so sorry that so many people let you down in their responses to the assaults, especially your parents. Their response--to not believe you, to demand you remain quiet, to blame you, to threaten you with violence--is absolutely, 100% not OK.
Before I tackle some of the other things you brought up, I want to remind you that your #1 priority is taking care of yourself. It sounds like some really high anxiety has come up for you in the aftermath of talking with your fiancee. What can you do to help guide yourself toward feeling a little bit more calm and stable? If that means getting off the message boards and reading the rest of this response another day--that is totally fine. Maybe getting some fresh air? Maybe doing some breathing exercises? Maybe taking a warm shower or bath? If you want some more ideas you can check out this list:
Self-Care a La Carte.
Now to get to the rest of your posts:
1. What is your relationship with your parents right now? You mentioned moving 1000 miles away, was that 1000 miles away from your family? If so, are you still in touch with your parents and what has that been like? I want to make sure you are safe, both physically and emotionally.
2. You mentioned in response to Sam that you have not received any type of counseling. Is that something that you are open to? Even when our friends and family are supportive, dealing with a sexual assault can be really hard, and working with someone who specializes in supporting survivors can be really helpful. In this case, you are not only working on processing multiples assaults, including an ongoing assault by a close family member, but you also do not have the support of your family--for all this I am incredibly sorry. I think that a rape survivor's resource center or counselor could be really helpful for you in your healing process. If that is something you are open to, is that something you would like help in locating?
3. You shared that you talked with your fiance about having been raped. That was really brave of you! Do you want to share more about how that conversation went?
4. You said that you still believe some of the horrible things your parents said to you after you were assaulted by your brother. And so I just want to take a moment to remind you: None of this is your fault. Only you get to decide if you are still a virgin, and how that relates to your spirituality. You are lovable. You can and will (and it sounds like have?) found a partner who will love you and want to marry you, and who will support you around the sexual assaults you have experienced. And in terms of that partnership: there is no rush to have sex. Only you get to decide when you feel ready for that. It is fine if you are not ready now, in the near future, or in the far future. Lastly: this storm too shall pass.